Bipolar Experiences (with Aspergers)

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I'm pretty sure I'm bipolar, though I've never been diagnosed. I haven't even been to a shrink for 5 years now. All I was ever formally diagnosed with was depression.

My moods definitely swing much more than a normal person's would. I've had plenty of hypomanic episodes where I feel fully rested after 3 hours of sleep (usually i'm hypersomnic). When I get like that, I feel extremely motivated and extremely creative. I wish I was like that all the time.
Unfortunately, I experience depressive episodes much more often. Social situations that normally wouldn't affect me will give me extreme anxiety. I also wish for death, and nothing seems worthwhile. Thankfully, I'm less depressed than I was in middle/high school...

Lately, I've been swinging extremely rapidly. I'll switch between hypomanic, normal and depressive 5 or more times per day. It can be pretty terrible living like this at times, but I refuse to go to a psychiatrist. They'll just want to give me pills, and I refuse to take psycho meds of any kind.

i can relate. i believe that i am type 1 bi-polar, and of course i have AS too (115/200 on the quiz). my doc calls it a "cyclic mood disorder", for this reason - without medication, i have up to 6-8 months of either mania or depression, and i *also* have daily moods that fluctuate greatly at the slightest event.

speaking metaphorically..it's as if the event triggers the tide and im swept headlong into the sea with absolutely zero say in the matter. if i could control only control the very event.....but then i'd be a sociopath, maybe.. lolz. i'm starting to wonder if the meds are really working properly, because im pretty sure my mood is still relatively fragile. maybe that's to be expected.

i won't lie, AS and bi-polar is not a fun combo. i've had thoughts of suicide too, but never with any degree of seriousness..... that being said, i don't know any other way of being; it's what i've got to deal with. even though i take medication, i still feel some effects; while i do my damndest to conceal it, i tend to take things veryy personally.

Cyanide and rocknrollslc I can 100% relate to both of what you say, myself I have a list of neurological differences, including Aspergers and type 1 bipolar, I guess in the centre of The Mix and to be honest I have never really medicated, except over the last few years as have a lot to deal with, it does seem to take the edge off a little, but not that sure if makes a huge difference, my moods I guess have become apart of me and I have found what does work for me, other the years I have found what seems to work for me is first accepting my differences as apart of who I am and second living a life that works for me and not everyone else, trying to conform to be like others, is far to exhausting.

Hi as a Aspie with type 2 Bipolar its an interesting ride sort of like a 4D rollerscoaster at times. Sometimes I just get off and go and sit in Pluto my away place and chill they tried me on drugs nothing can bring me around without pinning me by the throat to the ground However i do think lithium helps me travel a little nicer at times. When you look at the side affects of the drugs it scares me crapless. So I am now enrolled in a PhD to look at the long term side effects effects on motor pathways by these wonder drugs Im glad dont have ADhD as well I hang in and pick triggers and surf with a more cognitive self awareness aproach

cheers

stan

tadarida7 I am with you in that respect as I also feel it should be all about triggers, awareness and I also feel not trying to be like we are not, I often find a quite space to desensitize or a good walk preferable alone

that sounds very nice. i can't say i really understand though. i get the not wanting to pretend to be someone else, but i guess i just can't bear the rollercoaster ride. depression's a sh*tty thing you know?

I'm diagnosed bipolar NOS and my therapist wants me to get tested for aspergers. In my experience I've learned when my moods change but I have a hard time expressing it to people. I have a problem with communicating with people around me including my therapist and my psychiatrist. I don't have manias but I do get really angry for a few days and then it passes. As for the depression, it's constant. I've even resorted to self-harm because I can't express myself in a way that makes sense to people. I'm like a stressed out cat that chews my fur off because I can't tell people what's wrong. I wonder, do any of you have this problem and if you do how do you convince yourself life is worth living?

Hi everyone on this topic, I'm diagnosed AS, and have been diagnosed with both Major depression and ADHD in the past, but recently I had a major collapse (which I have regularly) but it has been worse than the usual collapses, and I'm wondering if there's something else going on with me.

Basically I seem to go through these depressive cycles, where once a year or once a year and a half I'll have a few months of severe major depression with complete ahedonia (zero interest or pleasure in anything, suicidal thoughts, complete emptiness and feelings of hopelessness), then in between this I'll go through periods of several months of extreme activity and motivation - I'll feel like I can achieve anything I set my mind to if I work hard enough, and I sign up for heaps and heaps of stuff, and do crazy amounts of work (eg. last semester I did full time uni, plus singing 2 nights plus one day a week, plus acting one full day and 2 nights a week, plus living at college and socializing with lots of people, plus working on recording music one night a week, and got the highest possible grade you can get in all three subjects - straight 7's). During these times I'm super motivated and driven and obsessed with achieving the highest possible results from everything. I don't like to waste a single hour - I pretty much schedule study or some form of work into every spare minute of time I have. But then this only lasts about a semester or so at most, and I crash, and generally exhibit major depression, and become completely unable to cope and have to drop subjects, drop all my music and extra curricular, and completely stop socializing. So for the last few years I've pretty much gone from one state straight to the other, each lasting several months and equivalent in length of time. I've thought that my "productive state" is my normal state of being, and it's simply my natural personality to be like this, and when I have a "collapse" it's simply preventing me from doing what I normally want to do. When I am in a depressive/collapse state, I still want to be super productive and doing all these things but I can't.

Like I've said, in the past I've always just thought of myself as experiencing depression from time to time, but my most recent collapse (which I'm experiencing now) has made me more concerned, and made me think through things more carefully. My depression is definitely cyclic, and it happens without external triggering (basically when it happens it happens randomly - there's no sadness or anything in my life which would logically cause me to become depressed, I just sink into this state of deep depression over a few weeks).

But anyway, my most recent collapse has been probably one of the most severe, if not THE most severe I've ever had, and what's different about it is it's been going on for weeks and I don't feel like I'm improving or getting better, I'm NOT depressed, but I am completely unable to function. I've dropped EVERYTHING for the first time (all uni courses, all singing, all socializing - I've literally been doing nothing at all), but the supposed rest and relaxation is not improving me. Basically, I feel like I'm constantly on edge, or super anxious, and I find the feeling hard to describe, but I can't focus on anything properly - it's often so bad I can't even read a book or watch TV, and I feel like I'm going to flip out or explode - like I want to start screaming, I feel so tense and on edge, and this feeling tends to intensify for a few hours, then lessen off for a few hours, then intensify again - but it's been consistent for several weeks. I also have felt at times this complete disconnection from my surroundings, like I'm completely disembodied. And I have also felt a complete lack of motivation to do ANYTHING - which has never happened before; even at my most depressed and down, I've still felt like I WANTED to do things, or to achieve things, even if I felt no joy in doing so.

So anyway, I have decided to try and see a psychiatrist about this (mum was a bit against it at first, saying it was one of my usual collapses and I'll get better the way I usually do with complete bed rest and no stimulation), but I am still curious to know what you guys think. I'd never considered any form of bipolar before, but a phd psyc student suggested I may have it when I was chatting about it all with him a few weeks ago (before I gave up on uni altogether). I am also a psyc student, but undergrad.


Could this be some form of bipolar do you think?

I have decided to post this as a topic also, because I seriously need some opinions other than my own.

I have definitely been having bipolar symptoms lately. but whenever I feel signs of conditions other than ASD I identify it as part of the ASD rather than a separate condition. Pretty much everyone on the spectrum has LOADS of other issues that can be diagnosed as this or that, but by keeping it under the umbrella of ASD you avoid the stigma of too much labeling. As least that's what I think.

Bipolar symptoms can be awful and by no means am I trying to downplay their seriousness, but I find them less tormenting than others. OCD especially is a problem for us, and that's an awful prison. But with bipolar symptoms at least there are high points.

You need to make sure you are taking care of your psychological health when you are suffering from the low points. The risk of suicide becomes very high, and antipsychotics often prescribed with ASD can lower the intensity of the depressive phases.

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