Yes, I most certainly have OCD... even if part of it is perfectly logical to have. This is what I posted, in another thread. I could add to it, but I'll leave it as it is, for now:
Beauty_pact wrote:
I have extremely bad OCD. I basically can't go outside if I don't look like a model, and with all the additional procedures, it takes me hours to get done - often I postpone it to another day or week, when I'm half done. I also have some body dysmorphic disorder... it comes and goes in various ways. In my late teens and early twenties, I was completely obsessing over getting plastic surgery, when all I needed was to do my hair better, change my style of clothing and wear makeup (I'm a guy, by the way). Today it is, instead, things like that I for some time started imagining that my eyes weren't perfectly centered; that they were starting to squint a tiny bit. I later accepted that it was because you have to look into either of your eyes, when you look in the mirror, so that's why they seemed to point in the opposite direction, a bit. Recently I have been looking at the shape of my nose - on the one side, it doesn't look exactly the same as on the other, better side. It's a tiny, almost unnoticeable difference but it puzzles me that I have never noticed it, before. It's making me wonder if I've somehow caused damage to the cartilage. Maybe it's not permanent, though... could be some sort of swelling, I suppose. I also am a bit annoyed at a slight shape difference on the right side of my chin, and then I have a spot on my left hand that has come fairly recently... I hate it and can't stop thinking about it. :/ I want to pick at it with a needle and get the pigment out of it. I have done that, before, and it worked pretty well, but that doesn't mean it'd work this time... maybe I'm going to have to have surgery for it. -_-
I have real problems with filth, also.... I've washed my hands so often, so many times, that my knuckles have started to bleed. I also can't sit on a "clean" floor, and can't really use much stuff I have, properly, since I don't want to get the things filthy. Of course, they get filthy, anyway, regardless if I use them or not, but I just can't seem to get that into my mind. I'm working on the filth stuff to make it better, though, and I'm having some progress, but this has basically ruined my life since eight and a half years back - before then, it was only moderate.
Also, then there are things like that whenever I lock the door to my apartment, I have to check if the door really was closed, over and over, and reassure myself of that I didn't just imagine it. I tend to do things, at times, to make me remember that me locking it indeed happened. I also put certain patterns in my apartment so that I will know if somebody who shouldn't be there has been in it. I also may check for hidden miniature cameras and could never imagine being naked near an unconcealed window. Even when it is so, though, I keep thinking that someone might be taking photos of me through the small gaps, on the sides of the blinds, with a superzoom lens and manual focusing. What worries me far more, however, is it happening to my true love, wherever she is. It's highly unlikely that it'd happen to me, with all my precautions, but I have no idea what precautions she is taking, which is very frustrating to think about.
There are more things than that, as well. >_> It's a wonder that I haven't lost my mind, yet.
14 Aug 2011, 2:17 pm
