mental "Frame skipping"

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I feel like my life is trapped in skipping frames
i smoked stuff last night and made it worse
now i feel like a lizard or something
strangely weed numbs my psyhcic/hallucination/ESP
'symptoms'
but makes me analyze it more and
I get sort of 'stuck' in my mind
I smoked so much i got 'stuck' in a trance
like i have told a few people..

smoking stuff gives me synesthesia and i can see music
makes me analyze my re-occuring thoughts of suicide/death as well
cause ive been torn between
suicide pains and 'sex pains'
im not sure WHICH it is
that is making me nauseous
i think its either 'needing' to have sex
or what i realized is me breaking down mentally aka depression?
causing me to be nauseous

anyways..
after smoking stuff
my mind is more reptilian like or skips a beat sort of
like a heart murmur except its a brain murmur
makes me feel like i cant go out or function without
things being extremely jagged or [c|h|o|p|p|y]

im not sure ive suspected that im 'pre-schizophrenic' for awhile now
most people i know think i am an actual schizphrenic because im aware of my ESP powers but i dont deny or accept it
but if i accept my ESP then that would be more like accepting im sick in a way which could help me (?)recover(?) from being sick?
the thing is people who are actually insane dont have the insight to know theyre sick
but i do so must not be insane

but whenever i smoke stuff it makes me realize the extent of my autistic *disability*
except i dont think most people who are autistic
would sense their mind as becoming more chopped up or jagged like theyre caught in 'still frames'
of their life?

Yes I know that stuff s bad and i am quite aware of why its illegal now
the interesting thing is when i do do it, its like an experiment or something, but whenever i do do it, it causes my life to be more disordered and chopped up
or perhaps this is everyones experience with it...

I would suggest not smoking stuff.