What can anger do to you?

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OK--I'm not aspergers and I don't know how hard it is for people to do this.

Anger is a healthy emotion. It's normal. I don't know if the OP has a healthy amount of anger or what, but usually it's normal and healthy.

The key with anger is to OWN it.

When you are angry at barking dogs remember WHERE that anger is coming from. It isn't coming from the barking dogs. It's coming from you.

Then, figure out what to do with your anger. Don't project it onto others--don't blame the barking dogs for making you angry.

But do accept that you're angry in response to them--do respect your own feelings and your own boundaries there. You do not want to hear the loud noise. It is bothering you. That's absolutely normal and acceptable.

Then, take some kind of action--walk away from the barking dogs. Or simply say, "there's nothing I can do here. I can't walk away. I can't control what the dogs do" and try to ignore them.

With people, it's the same. If someone upsets you, you can count to ten or whatever, get to the point where you can think calmly about what you can do--what you can control--and what you need to do to fix the situation. Not what they can do. Not whether or not you can control them....not what you can do to them because you are angry. Just what you can do for yourself to get yourself feeling better (that's not breaking the rules or harming others). Usually, it's saying something respectful to them that will help your situation, or it's just walking away.

If your anger has nothing to do with any actual affect on you--like say you are not angry about hearing the dogs bark, but just b/c someone dyed their hair pink. Say you don't believe anyone should ever dye their hair pink...so it makes you angry to see someone has done it. Then you need to acknowledge your anger and what that means. That means, that though you cannot control what another person does to their own hair--you can control what you do. You can remind yourself that you wouldn't dye your hair pink, you can think about why, and then hopefully you can just move on. You can choose to avoid those with pink dye. That is it.

That's at least my opinion, but I don't know what it's like to have an anger problem, so I realize what I wrote might be easier said than done.

My boyfriend has bad Anger issues. And I think they may be "Meltdowns" It's usually understandable that he is angry, it's just he goes off the handle and really not worth getting that mad over. He will explode at anyone, if it made him hit his point, or if its a sensory thing. But now he is getting older he will walk away from it, or freak out then stop, ignore person, black list them or just moves on. Just stating "Don't want you to do that cos ___ will happen" But after he freaked out. But with me it's worse because he can "get away" with it, because I'm his gf. He also will get more easily angered by me than with others.

I know he wants to stop, but in his opinion he is right, I'm in the wrong. How do you help someone with their anger ..

I might just make a note to print a list of those suggestions.

I'd like to add something I learned in therapy. Before Anger is a thought. Recognize it. Anger means that you are afraid of something. I'll do an oversimplified example. If you are angry at someone because they hurt you, you are probably afraid they will do it again, afraid the bruises or injuries will show to people you don't want to know, afraid that if you try to get him help, he will return worse, and other examples.

So after you've calmed down enough to think (try the suggestions above for that) then maybe try to figure out what you are afraid of. To me, the main reason is not being able to control something I need. What thought caused the fear? It is possible this takes time though. Sometimes anger stays a lot longer than I 'd like to and trying to think too soon, can cause a meldown.
Let the anger out in places where it is ok to have meltdowns. Sometimes the thoughts are of things that other people have said and the anger is the fear that they are right. They might not be, don't automatically think that everyone is right when they insult you. The hard part is if you are in a place where you find a trigger that would normall cause meltdowns, to shove it all inside till you are home.

That's like with my boyfriend , the not being able to control something that he needs. Causing a meltdown, he almost always feels better after a meltdown

He use to have more patience now he literally freaks out if he can't find something he's looking for. Most time it's there (double check) or was near there, but he was panic too much to have a level head over it.

How do you help someone , from getting so angry so quickly, gaining patience, and not letting the anger boil over so quickly. Are some people just that way?