Depression going into remission

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I did try on several occasions before my "remission" I wanted to be positive in this discussion so I've tried to not be too detailed in my symptoms or their severity. I just want people to know that even if you can't get a perfect remission you can still come pretty close. It's not something to give up on and it's worth working towards and trying to maintain. Being positive does help.

I've had severe depression off and on for most of my life--as a child too, since I was about 8. My doctor recently put me on cipralex a few weeks ago, and I haven't had any negative thoughts in a couple weeks (just prior to that EVERY thought was negative, and I was practically suicidal). I don't plan on being on medication forever, but for now, it is working.

Just to clarify my earlier post, I was not saying that medication is always a bad thing, I have taken medication myself in the past (although I have not found antidepressants helpful) and there are some times when it can be helpful for some people. I do not judge anyone for their personal choices in these matters. But one does need to keep a sense of balance when weighing up the pros and cons.

Well I can only speak of my own personal experience with depression. I was diagnosed when I was 16. But it started when I was 13 when I was confused with my own sexuality. It was bad. I isolated a lot. I had no hope. It was dark. When I was diagnosed at 16, I knew what I had. I didn't get on any medication. I saw a psychologist. I was diagnosed when I got into psycho- therapy when I was 16 (1991). Then I got a job when I was 18 (1993). I didn't go to college right after high school. I got a job and worked full-time. Best thing I ever did for myself.

That is when my depression went away. I worked. Remission from depression is LIFE. It is wonderful. I forgot about my sexuality - for a little while. But that issue kept on coming up a LOT when I turned 26 (2002). It was like I was faking who I was. Being in a fundamental Christian church didn't help me at all. Made me feel guilty. It was a question in the background as an adult. But the "struggle" of not knowing what my sexuality was --- as an adult ---- didn't cause me to become depressed as an adult. I was confused, and I had questions, but I was not hopeless as an adult. And the hopeless part is the devasting part of depression. When I had no hope, I didn't want to go on. I didn't want to live as a teenager. And my depression was gone my entire adult life - until 2009.

My depression came back due to the enivornment I was in. The economy was very bad. I lost my job in 2007 and after getting a B.S. Degree in business in 2009 I thought I'd get a job. Nope. Didn't happen. Depression started to sink in. It was a low grade depression. So, I thought, get an MBA. I did. Earned that in 2011. Still, couldn't find a job. By 2011, I got hopeless - all over again! full blow major depression came back in 2011. I was REALLY depressed.

So, I'm not sure if my depression is due to some chemical in my head being off. I think my depression (as an adult) is more due to outside circumstances. Right now, I'm not depressed like I was last year. Thank god. I don't think about death now. I don't think about dying. I'm not working full-time now. I did find a job in Dec 2011 and worked 8 weeks part time. It was 4 hours a week but it was something. After a year of holistic psychotherapy that I started in June 2011, I'm not depressed like I was last year. And I'm finding out my value is not based in me getting a job. I need one badly, but I don't need to attach to "I'm unemployed" and I don't need to tell myself things like "I'll never find a job". And thinking that does NOT make me feel very good. In fact, it makes me feel like $hit!! ! I was so very angry last year for not finding any work. did you know that anger is depression turned outward? And depression is anger turned inward?

The psychotherapy was the best thing I ever did last year. I didn't plan on going for 55 weeks, but it just kinda happened. And now, I have hope. I may not get a job next week I may not get a job next month. I may have to wait another 5 years until I find a full-time job. I hope not since it's been 5 years already since I worked full-time. But I have tools now so I don't have to attach to my feelings. I can watch them all.

Feeling hopeless is the worst. And I did feel hopeless last year. And I did feel hopeless when I was 16. When you don't feel hopeless, you will feel wonderful. Hope is the best feeling is the world.

Talk to your doctor about taking medication. I started an SSRI when I was 28. I'm 37 now. I don't know if I will need to be on this medication for the rest of my life, but I do know that my meditation practice I started last year has helped me with my depression. Hope you feel better soon.