My family was doing fine.

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My family was doing well , then i was born on the 15/11/88 and i ruined it all for them. I am the only person in the whole family who isn't normal and i can't cope with this , if i was like everyone else then i wouldn't dissapoint everyone. I am the official black mark on my family , i am the extra heavy baggage that nobody wanted because i am autistic and not neurotypical. Maybe i got thrown on my head the day i was born or something , but i have always felt unstable and never comfortable with everything - i.e general life. Lots of people do things that are second nature to them , when some of us are trying to find the right number of breaths or trying to connect with time and space. Also trying to find the courage to face life rather than stay away from it , how people can't care about the fact that they are different and not worry about what others think of them is beyond me , because i know i am the weak link. Maybe this stems from what i think of myself. Also do you ever think that every day or week ect is such hard work and do you dread getting out of bed.

Hello Nick88,

Sometimes (manytimes), it is, yes.
It's by periods.


... Be brave.


(Sorry if it's sounds silly or childish but I don't know how to say it otherwise.)

I am one of those. I grew up in a very hostile environment. I just didnot fit. And as a result, people treated me badly. I created a deffensive method: They were inferior human beings and I did not care what they might think of me. I treated them with contempt. I did work. They stopped treating me badly. I could go on without feeling so hurt. I am not saying it was right, and later I had to reprogram myself for not thinking that way, but still I do not care what "that kind of people" might think. It is their problem, not mine.

About family I came up to one conclusion: that they are your family does not mean they have to love you. Many times they dont. If they do not love you it is not you obligation to love them. I do not have contact with my own family because of that. You do not love me? Fine. I will go on with my life. I know I am a valuable person, and I deserve love and respect. It hurts for a while, but then it stops hurting and you can move on.

I think its important not to give yourself a hard time with all of this. its easy to feel like your an outcast and that people dont accept you the way you do. Deep down, they do. Sometimes love isnt always obvious

I think its important not to give yourself a hard time with all of this. its easy to feel like your an outcast and that people dont accept you the way you do. Deep down, they do. Sometimes love isnt always obvious

I felt that way about myself when I was in the darkest part of depression. Depression lies to you about yourself and makes you not see that you do have strengths and talents, maybe they are not the usual strengths, maybe they are late to come to you, we all take our own time to find out what we are really good at and where we can contribute in the world. Don't let depression steal you from the world, the world needs your gift.

I saw the founder of PostSecret speak locally and he said that he didnt find meaningful work until he was 40. 40! Can you imagine! and he has touched millions of lives with his work creating PostSecret. You just never know when you will get your chance to shine, but you have to be kind and love yourself so that you can find your talents and contribution.

A year ago I was deeply depressed and very hard on myself. I'm not a huge "success" a year later by any means, but Ive gone from dread to enjoyment, and I am a trusted friend, great-aunt, babysitter and dog sitter. And I cherish those relationships and being trusted to take care of people's most precious children and pets. It is not what I thought I would be doing, but it doesnt mean I have failed at life. Im living it a day at a time, and doing my best.

I hope you can do your best too, and appreciate yourself.