Asperger's and Narcissistic Personalith Disorder

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I actually don't think this mode of thinking creates a hellish existance for these people. It appears there having a hell of a good time not caring about anyone. Think about it; If you think you're the greatest person alive why would you need anyone? Their lack of conscience and self-aggrandizing allows them to treat others like playthings and they enjoy every minute of it.[/quote]

Lolz @Mindslave. The stepping in dog crap is a good analogy. Kinder: From what I can tell from studying up about my ex specifically I've found a lot of information that points to a "false self", which in hindsight makes a lot of sense. He was never happy. I would scramble to fulfill whatever he needed and nothing could fill him up. Eventually I recognized this and almost entirely withdrew into myself and a particular line of study. This is when the abuse was at it's height. So there were cycles of unhappiness leading to rage leading back to this generalized feeling of unhappiness.

There's a quote from the movie Alexander where Alexander is telling his mother that his father, "took nothing from you that you weren't long without." It's been on loop in my mind for a day now. I'm seeing neither of us were living authentically and that that statement is true for both of us. As sad as it seems to me I'm understanding that it wasn't me making him unhappy and it wasn't him locking me into the situation. I was living out a false self as much as he was. I'm not incapable of living happily though, I was incapable of facing my past and taking responsibility for my future and he was helping to recreate my past and avoid my future.

I'm immensely happy over sunrises and coffee, a single concept I find beautiful, lakes, birds, books, sex, cuddling and pretty much the normal everyday things. This was what he lacked. He was capable of sadism, punishment, belittlement, and inflicting trauma and this was lacking from my world alone. We supplied each other the opposite ends of the spectrum. We embodied the missing puzzle pieces the other sought. I'm immensely powerful in my life and I fear that power and ability. He gave me a way to hide from it and to be submissive. He felt extremely powerless and controlled and I provided a means to control and to domination.

In Sam Vaknin's videos on YouTube he explains it as a "dance". It was a dance between Yin and Yang, black and white, light and dark. In the process I came out less childlike and innocent and I wish he'd come out a little more so. I don't know if all of this is a rationalization to not feel i wasted the last three years but I'm not angry anymore and I truly hope he can someday find some joy and some peace. I hope I can keep growing some balls lol.

I think they really do believe that they are better and more worthy and that others are lesser, but only consciously. I think unconsciously it is a projection. They feel unworthy ultimately and project that outward. I made a comment on a thread here back in April about the government and people. I said that people seem unaware of their own needs and unable to protect them. Talk about projection!! ! Lolz. That was literally the core of my issues. I undervalue my own needs and attend to others so I can avoid dealing with my own fear of taking responsibility for my life. I knew it somewhere inside but was unable to admit it so projected it onto "people".

One of my favorite quotes which is sometimes attributed to Jung but is unknown is, "What you resist, persists." I'm starting to understand it now. It's an incredibly useful tool!

Lolz @Mindslave. The stepping in dog crap is a good analogy. Kinder: From what I can tell from studying up about my ex specifically I've found a lot of information that points to a "false self", which in hindsight makes a lot of sense. He was never happy. I would scramble to fulfill whatever he needed and nothing could fill him up. Eventually I recognized this and almost entirely withdrew into myself and a particular line of study. This is when the abuse was at it's height. So there were cycles of unhappiness leading to rage leading back to this generalized feeling of unhappiness.

There's a quote from the movie Alexander where Alexander is telling his mother that his father, "took nothing from you that you weren't long without." It's been on loop in my mind for a day now. I'm seeing neither of us were living authentically and that that statement is true for both of us. As sad as it seems to me I'm understanding that it wasn't me making him unhappy and it wasn't him locking me into the situation. I was living out a false self as much as he was. I'm not incapable of living happily though, I was incapable of facing my past and taking responsibility for my future and he was helping to recreate my past and avoid my future.

I'm immensely happy over sunrises and coffee, a single concept I find beautiful, lakes, birds, books, sex, cuddling and pretty much the normal everyday things. This was what he lacked. He was capable of sadism, punishment, belittlement, and inflicting trauma and this was lacking from my world alone. We supplied each other the opposite ends of the spectrum. We embodied the missing puzzle pieces the other sought. I'm immensely powerful in my life and I fear that power and ability. He gave me a way to hide from it and to be submissive. He felt extremely powerless and controlled and I provided a means to control and to domination.

In Sam Vaknin's videos on YouTube he explains it as a "dance". It was a dance between Yin and Yang, black and white, light and dark. In the process I came out less childlike and innocent and I wish he'd come out a little more so. I don't know if all of this is a rationalization to not feel i wasted the last three years but I'm not angry anymore and I truly hope he can someday find some joy and some peace. I hope I can keep growing some balls lol.[/quote]

You are ridiculously insightful. Would you like to go on a date? But really, you are very, very impressive.

Haha, thanks for the compliment. I'm blushing ova' heaya :p

If only I had more insight when it was happening hehe.