Aspergers? Maybe, probably

Post Reply New Topic

I,m just finding out a name to my quirks that my family has always thought were signs of Schizophrenia/psychosis. I'm almost positive I'm an Aspie and ain't the only one to think that. my brother has had friends that have been medically diagnosed with aspergers and said they remind him of me, not only that, I've recently went to dinner with my father whom isn't in our lives and he has a twin. My uncle shows signs of classic autism (particularly LF), and my father shows signs of AS. Ever since I can remember my mom has always told me and other family members that I need counseling because of my actions. Here are some red flags which I have now come to realize what are signs of Autism/AS:

Family members say I would strip my clothes off when I was in diapers, screamed almost all hours of the day until a toddler, and bashed my head on the walls until around age 6.
when I was in elementary school I remember playing "in my own little world" in the classroom and on the playground. When I look back at photos of me when I was a child I'd always have something in my left hand (I'm a Lefty BTW) that I was either twirling or feeling on. My family is sort of judgmental and they would make fun of me for wearing boy clothes until middle school and thought that I was a lesbian, but the reason I wore them was because they were more comfortable and they even had to be pre-worn or hand- me downs of my brothers. The first time I brushed my teeth was fourth grade and my hair was fifth grade (It had to be cut because it was so knotted) because I gagged whenever I brushed my teeth, and I hated the feeling of the brush on my head. I was also reading in my early four's (it would've probably been earlier but there were no books or anything else to read around my house. I've been a tomboy my entire life but I figured it was because I grew up with my two teenage boy cousins and my brother, but I'm a girl and have the larger ring finger - high testosterone thing, which is what is believed to cause ASD. When I was younger I didn't have many toys to play with because we were poor, but the toys that family members bought me were dolls and I don't ever even remember playing with them once they were out of the box, and so my brother had a HUGE Hotwheels collection and I'd line them up while he was playing with them and when he moved one I'd think to myself "Quit moving them" but now I realize this is yet another ASD sign. Around age seven I would have to have my stuffed animals the exact same way perfectly lined on my bed, and if they weren't in the spot I left them in I'd remake my bed and rearrange the animals. Never once and I mean ever have I been the one to approach people, in school, the friends I had/have always came to me first and then I'd be nice and find out they would listen to my weird facts and corny jokes. In school I had behavior problems, I'd throw things and scream as loud as I could over nothing which caused me to get expelled from the fifth grade. Teachers have always mentioned to other teachers that I'm smart but don't apply myself. Currently I'm a junior in high school, have not one friend but have an interesting personality (I think) and people think I'm being rude when I'm just joking. Geometry was second nature to me and Algebra I could never even start to comprehend but the teachers give fifties not zeros if you don't complete the assignment, which somehow averages out to a C which made me pass and I got stuck with Pre-Calc this year w/o a clue on even the terms they use. My social skills are horrendous and when I'm in a crowd I can hear EVERYTHING and EVERYONE and I freeze not knowing what to do. Lately people have been talking about me (literally right behind my back thinking that I'm deaf or something) saying words like Schizophrenia (because my eye patterns are abnormal and I laugh spontaneously) Multi-personality disorder I've heard one of the teachers say (because I go from laughing hysterically to looking like I'm full of rage) which is true. It's extremely frustrating when someone doesn't understand what you're trying to say or why you do the things you do. I'm not really sure how I came across ASD's on the internet but I'm glad I did. I've done extensive research on it ever since. It's always weird to self-identify\diagnose but I just would like a second opinion. I don't want to tell other family members (except for my brother because he already knows) so I probably won't get a real clinical diagnosis. Besides, my mom would think that she could get a government check if she found out I had some kind of disorder or something. some other things I've noticed are:

I can never talk on the phone even with relatives, I can barely even say hello because it seems so awkward.
I have facial tics and twirl my pen or rub my index and middle finger together almost all hours of the day.
I think I meet the criteria for OCD and clean things all day long.
Eye contact has never been a thing me or my brother have done because our mom doesn't talk to us (when she comes home we go to our rooms). At school teachers and classmates have found me "weird" because of this, and when I'm nervous like when being put on the spot for a question in class my eyes move back and forth extremely fast, and while I talk to them\they talk to me I look away or at their mouth.
my coordination is an embarrassment.
I'm extremely sensitive to heat and have a wet shirt even while sitting in a 76 degree room. (I'm also afraid to reach into the oven)
I am obsessed with anything to do with water whether it be drinking it, playing in it, and taking 45 minute showers because I love it so much. (it just feels so good and soothing)
I have extremely high blood pressure and anxiety\depression
During conversations I don't know when to speak or shut up when I do. when someone asks me a question I pause then start to talk about something that leads to a weird answer (kind of like that Bing commercial where the guy is in the grocery store) and then finally give them the right answer.
I laugh at horrible things (I know, I'm going to hell) for no reason, sometimes I don't know why 'm laughing at all.
I make a grimace when someone is speaking to me and my eyes squint (tic).
My sense of smell isn't that great but when something has a strong odor it makes me nauseated.
In middle school I was known as " the loud one" because I talked so loud w/o realizing it.
When I would go to my aunts house when I was younger, she had this office chair which I would spin in for hours and not get dizzy until she told me to "knock it off"

Things that are NT:
I understand sarcasm and humor (sometimes I even think someone is trying to be funny even when they're not).
If in a calm setting w/o distractions I can decipher some body language and expressions but not fully understand them. (I've even read a book on body language before I even fond out about ASD).
my voice has emotion MOST of the time.

there are some other things I've noticed but can't think of them right this moment, If you want to know more just ask!! !

BTW, sorry I wrote a novel but I just wanted to give details.

I find that a lot of these thing apply to me, especially the thing about eye contact and looking at peoples mouths. And what you were saying about brushing your teeth, I find (after years of struggling with this) that using warm water helps so much.

Sounds like Asperger's. Try to talk to a doctor about getting a diagnosis or go inpatient to get a diagnosis like I did.

I laughed when I read this. You sound so much like me!

I took my brother's toy cars and lined them in accordance to the rainbow and each bumper neatly touching the front bumper of the next car. If someone moved one of them, I would move them back.

You said you had some trouble with math. I'm dyscalculic, basically, it's dyslexia for numbers, not words. Maybe you are, but you might not find that to be your strength.

I have Tourettes/something like it. My face twitches constantly when I'm talking to someone. My blinking can keep me awake at night because my eyes won't stay closed. It's just something we deal with, right?

Best of wishes for your diagnosis,