I think I get why you might think it's stim, since it achieves some of the same goals as stimming...ie, stimulating yourself , self soothing yourself . I know it freaks a lot of people out...though it is perfectly except-able to hurt yourself if you become a boxer or wear a football helmet first . I hate that kind of hiprocracy myself . Oh, it's OK to do if someone is paying to watch you hurt yourself but If you just want to calm your mind it's evil ?
Anyway, I use to cut and thought I was the only person who ever did it so felt like even more of a weirdo then usual when I would have to wear long shirts all the time and be careful about exposing myself . I know it's a big predictor of BPD, but I think those of us who are aspie who do it, it is not for attention...(I always hid mine out of shame) .
I'm sure that there are different reasons or triggers for people doing this but mine was always because I was feeling so sad, confused, anxious and beyond control of my feelings . It was usually because of something bad that had happened to make me feel rejected or lonely and I would start crying OR just feel so numb that it felt like I might float out of my body or go crazy if I didn't do something .
The ritual of carrying a razor with me was like a safety hatch if I was afraid of my feelings getting out of control . I did it the most in Highschool when I think I was in such a constant staff of sensory overload being around the noisy masses , and confused by all the social s**t I couldn't understand...that I would actually dissociate and feel myself retreating into my brain life a snail into it's shell . I used to think of it as a spider sitting in my brain looking out at the world , remotely controlling this robot body that was carrying it around
So the cutting was the only thing that I felt made me feel my body again and get back into it enough to keep functioning . (well, that and sex, but we wont go there), another BPD trait that I think is very misunderstood in aspies (probably because statistically, we don't get laid that much ) Anyway, lol, point is that I saw it as a cycle...
I am over stimulated with either emotions, social confusion or sensory problems
I dissociate and become numb to try and balance the over stimulation
I need a self directed method of feeling again so I can function again
At 26, I got sober and decided the cutting had become just another addiction and maladaptive coping technique and tried to learn other ways of accomplishing the same goals with out leaving any more scars . I used the physical pain of exercise, yoga, marathon type biking...ie, socially except-able behaviors that had some health benefits . I had a few relapses after break ups but haven't cut in years, though the thoughts do come up even now .
Therapist or human who try to convince you that this was a horrible thing that you must stop immediately are reactionary . It is an effective coping mechanism for some and serves a need . If you didn't do it when the need became great, you could end up doing something more self destructive...like joining the football team : ) I think it is worth while goal though, to see if you can find a healthier way to get the same need met with less scaring though because mine are still an embarrassment to me ...not because I thin they make me w weirdo but because they remind me how many narrow minded people there are in the world ready to make assumptions about people they don't know .
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Just because one plane is flying out of formation, doesn't mean the formation is on course....R.D.Lang
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