question about ADHD

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In this gaming group I'm in, an adult male, probably 30s, has ignored me numerous times whether I ask him a question or even when we are talking in a conversation. So, I started to do the same thing back. The last few times, he was starting to physically touch me like I was his buddy, and it made me feel so uncomfortable that I finally said something. The guy claims he has ADHD and that it is why he may do that kind of behavior. He apologized, but I still do not get a good sense of trust around him. How likely is ADHD something that would cause a person to ignore someone, possibly "when they want to?" There's a good chance that there could be another diagnosis or something that he's not revealing, but that's on him for his behavior toward me and possibly a few others. Just makes for more distrust if that's the case. Any opinions, especially with links to back your statements up, would be great! Thank you very much.

I have adhd... I have never ignored someone because of it... I have missed them saying something before...

I wrote a post in my blog trying to explain adhd to the non-sufferer...

This is a clickable link

Maybe they have a hard time hearing you and understanding what you are saying in a busy environment. People with ADHD have sensory issues too. Also, they miss out on details. There could be a red pot on the table and they may not notice it. They can have between 5-10 thoughts going at once, that can zone out, and they haven't got a good short term memory to begin with.

What if someone had mistaken you being socially awkward/sensory overloaded/ not speaking because you had nothing to say/ lack of eye contact as being rude? Because people do. That's an ASD issue. An ADHD issue is trouble focusing/ staying focused/ daydreaming/ being distracted by stimuli and thoughts/ short term memory issues/ not noticing details.

Also, the medication can make you so damn calm words can be hard to speak. You're just sitting there chilling on it.

So maybe he didn't notice you before because of adhd. But why is he touching you...?

Some people can be touchy feely. It's sometimes accepted in social circles.

I've got a nephew, possibly ADHD, who can't keep his hands off things. I understand it though people who are more tactile than others.

I'm personally ADHD mixed with autism. When they're so closely linked, it seems that medications do very little for ADHD symptoms so there might honestly not be much someone can do about it. Note - I'm mildly autistic (mild considering the possible extremes) and moderately ADHD. I used to be really bad, but I'm less hyperactive now (perhaps age and drugs help a little)

However - if someone is in my field of view and talks to me, I will usually notice them. Especially if we were in a prior conversation. To be fair, I'm not very aware of my surroundings, and I have below average hearing, so it can appear that I ignore people. (all my senses are weak, which is nice I guess for ASD, though photosensitivity still is awful) I also have huge problems modulating my voice, I'm always way off in one extreme or another.

On the other hand, if someone is focused on a game and you say, message them in game, message them on IM, text etc. then clearly theres a very good chance that they will miss it, with good reason. Also, as you may know, many people with ADHD and or ASD tend to be as*holes - whether its their fault or not. ADHD makes me fidget, squirm, get up, pace a lot which further affects my ability to socialize properly. This sends me in a downward depressive cycle which causes me to be more aloof, hostile, and lash out more at people. So in other people's eyes, I'm very much an as*hole - at first for one reason caused by my mental issues, but later on reinforced by the result of the said mental issues.

This is just how NT's spread love. They say that an infant can survive without the touch of it's mother, and that sort of thing stays with them. I think the best thing to do, is interpret as a sign of love. That the other person can feel your prescence (the same way you might feel your thoughts), and there is something beautiful about you that he just wants to reach out and show you are not alone.

My own experience is that my heart is closed off from feeling deeply for another person, but I'm able to percieve it as love, so I don't get annoyed.

Also, I have add and schizphrenia and I think a tad bit of autism, enough so I can not predict how other people will react to things that I do. Yesterday, I was at a baseball game, and trailed off to go smoke a cig, and my brother got all freaked out. I forgot that the mental illness that I have will make people super observant of me doing something self destructive. I've both attempted suicide, and stole drugs from my family.

Ignoring you could be inattentiveness, and touching you could be impulsivity and/or hyperactivity.

Not being able to shift focus appropriately sounds like perseveration, which is a major feature of ADHD according to Dr. Barkley. Being an ADHDer myself, when I was much younger I would appear to be ignoring something that was competing for the attention I was giving to whatever I wanted to do, usually while putting off what I needed to do. Actually, I was usually highly irritated at the interruption and just being rude. Now middle aged, working in an office, and on stimulants for my slow frontal lobe, I am much better at making those appropriate attentional shifts. The touching thing is something I have no clue about. I avoid touching people unless social norms compel me to do so because my not doing so is becoming an obvious-even-to-me issue/ faux paus. Even shaking hands with people I already know seems artificial. I wish you a quiet and peaceful resolution to the issue. If I were in your position (which I am not because I only play solo or over xbox live), I might look for a new gamer. Being touched when I don't want or expect it is an invasion of my personal space and really irritates me.

I think Ettina may've hit the dot on the nose with your question! Also, he just wanted to get my attention so bad, but of course I felt very uncomfortable with him.

Sorry I haven't been on here to respond properly sooner. Been so busy with concern about losing my job, but it's not anything bad on me. It's just my company not being funded at all basically. I've never been more politically involved in my life!!

After reading all your responses, talking with a trusted colleague, he seems move believable now. I also know that I can bring a pad of paper with me and write stuff so that he can't avoid what's being said on it. Because of his annoying, very inconsiderate behavior, I will be keeping my distance and only working with him if I have to. People earn trust, they can't just have it.