I think about suicide every day

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Because I know people who have done it. It is devastating to the people who survive. Committing suicide causes more problems than just toughing it out until things get better, and they do get better.

That's interesting. Thank you for the explanation. However I saw researches with surprising result that those who had attempted unsuccessful suicide had bigger salaries in next years than their colleagues and college classmates. On the other hand, is suicide is successful, the one who committed it has nothing more to worry about.

Yes, you may point family for example - many people do it, remind that suicide will be burden for them, but hell, they don't care now, so the only thing that will burden them is that suicide will destroy their image of perfect lifestyle, their bourgeois illusion that they had erected for others. It's not a problem of commitment and love, this argument is just a reflection of their self-centeredness.

And - I'm sure you can imagine how many times in several years I was said that things will be better - and instead they are worse every month. Now in addition to lack of money, of work, of green card, to depression I got sleeping disorder and headaches, and was bumped by possible girlfriend day before second date, on New Year, kinda gift...

What's next? I don't know, but it doesn't look good.

I think about suicide often, but it's triggered for me. Could it be triggered for you also? For example, high stress and disorder/chaos in my life trigger suicidal feelings. Relationships (friends and romantic) also trigger the episodes for me. During those episodes I fight very hard to find something to do other than sit alone in my dark room. Perhaps you should look into finding out what is triggering the thoughts and also find some things you can do to distract yourself as much as possible.

-Auden

You say it is not chemical imbalance, but how do you know? And, were it not, that doesn't mean some meds or supplements couldn't help..even just by taking the ultimate lid of gray off the world such that you can see both good and bad and make a decision from a less purely bleak view.

Can you get asylum?

You say have a passion for activism. If you're about to give up your life completely, perhaps give it up instead to and for your cause.. even if that means being jailed for speaking out. I've learned many times that it is far easier to die than live..particualrly living for a cause.
Or perhaps finding an organization you support and provide it assistance in exchange for green card help?


As for caring when a stranger kills themselves..in many ways, i don't. (Asperger thing???)

In some ways i do though as, situationally depending, it may simply add more pain to an overloaded world. Particularly dependent on the method used and those who first find them.

And it saddens me when someone does it who really cares about things beyond the latest football game or fashion magazine..someone who cares about justice and the state of others. There seem so few people who care at all anymore, and those that do are often thrown under by the ongoing suffering in the world..As there isn't a plethora of such people, and as for things to change for the better, they are vital, losing them adds up.

I've known people who killed themselves and, unless it was simply an attention grab gone wrong, overall, i just understand. I may be sad..but i understand.

That said, i wouldn't put too much stake in a higher future salary if one's attempt fails, but instead, expect a life with half a face due to a poor gun angle, or paralyzed and unable to do anything but lay there, trapped with just your thoughts..for Years.

Have you tried anti-depressants?

I'm not a failure.... I have aspergers....
I'm not be dick.... I have aspergers...
I'm not a lier or a cheat or a swindler...... I have aspergers.....
I'm not good at people s**t. I can't handle parties or stupid s**t....
Everyone treats me like I'm the problem....
I am the problem..... I have aspergers....
I never knew this till 35 years later.....
I had no clue.... But I'm still trying and I still f**k up....
I don't want to die but I don't want to let every one down every time I turn around.....
I Can't start over anymore And I don't want to quit.....
I just want to be normal....
I always thought I was..... But like I said I just found out I had aspergers like... October of 2015.... I was born in 80...
So my whole life has been BS.
I think I self destruct every good thing in my life I want to be good or know is good and have no idea why.
To my wife I love her more than my life itself but I'm damaged from this s**t and I can't make myself better.
I'm a dick .... I'm a addict...... I'm a loser.....
I have aspergers..... I always have wanted to die but then I got where I didn't want to ..... No I'm not sure...
Its f****d up ..... I can't start over ..... So if I f**k this up.... I'm out and I Will have peace that I tried every fu kin thing I could..... In in including trying and trying some more.....
But one day I May be out of options.... That's what I fear every time I have a melt down..... Or try not to and get pushed to it or pulled out of it..... That one day it'll be too late for me

I usually think about killing other people. On really bad days, I come rather close.

Have you read this?

https://www.uscis.gov/humanitarian/refu ... lum/asylum

Here's a forum about political asylum that might be more helpful than this site, or suicide hotlines.

http://forums.immigration.com/forums/po ... n-usa.117/

You can seek help for your "real" problem by looking up that problem. What I mean is, you are posting about suicide, and lack of help from medications and suicide hotlines . . . which is a real problem, too! But my understanding is that you feel that there is a "real" problem that is a "cause" for the suicidal feelings that no one is addressing.

Maybe this isn't the only "real" problem that is causing you feelings. Start a list.

REASONS WHY I'M SUICIDAL

#1 Problem: Immigration delays may send me back to my home country where I will be persecuted for my political beliefs.

#2 Problem: ____________________

Now look up everything you can using those phrases in your internet search engine. You will run into never ending frustration if you call suicide hotlines asking them to help you with immigration and asylum questions. What you probably could use most, is an attorney.

https://www.rocketlawyer.com/article/ho ... -the-us.rl

I don't know what your nation of origin is, or their relationship to the United States. But it sounds to me like you have skills that could be useful to the United States. Maybe you could strike some kind of a deal, if you stress what you have to offer.

If the skin on your hand is burning, because you're holding it over a lit candle, you could call the doctor. The doctor might give you all kinds of remedies for burnt skin. But unless you pull your hand away from the flame, or blow out the candle, the remedies will do little good.

Take care.

I feel that way too. I've been well checked three times in the last two weeks. So done with this NT world most of the time right now. They have no idea how destructive those well checks are to an aspie just so they can make themselves feel better. But I have grown in my spirituality over the years, and the thoughts have become sweet little pervasive songs, which I sing to God, about being ready to go home. My little repetitions become melodies, lyrics and poetry. I have found that I can access a closeness to creator, spirit, God, whatever you call it, while I work through these feelings. I am utterly alone, yet He is with me. I have failed several strong suicide attempts, had near death experiences, and come to the conclusion that it is not up to me to determine when it is my time to go. If law of attraction and creating your own reality were the whole story, I would have manifested my death by now. I realized that I have to find a way to accept being here. The positive is that I feel I have nothing to lose in that I am willing to give everything up anyway, so I have learned to let go, not attach so much to things, and to give new experiences a try. There's freedom in that. Immense freedom. If you can get to the other side to reach it.