You ever sort of "refuse" to believe that THIS is real life?

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Because of how much life sucks, because of how autism is preventing you from "freely" living a life you can enjoy?

I'm not religious but sometimes I do just wonder/hope that there is an after life. A second chance at life; ideally as a whole new person. Sometimes I just get upset acknowledging that this state is what I'm stuck with for the rest of my life. It bothers me that this is probably all there is ...

I don't mean to exclude other horrible things that goes on in this world (victims of bombings/shootings, or the lives of those struggling in third world countries, or anyone that experiences an unexpected tragedy, etc.) but I feel like my birth was a tragedy lol. It seems like I was destined to be this way and never even at least adapt appropriately with my condition; I'll always remain unhappy and ever since I've acknowledged autism, I've just been experiencing a burnout for the past 6 months - my life is going downhill, even with the assistance of therapy. I know I probably sound unreasonable, but I feel that this is all unfair. I wish there was more to this; I'd really like to believe there's some sort of alternate universe.

I posted in this forum just because maybe it's truly just a warped thought stemming from another psychological condition.

I can relate. I feel entitled to a better life without Autism.

There are many evil forces such as racists, sexists, homophobes, etc. but the greatest evil, the root of these ills, is nature. There is no force as bigoted, oppressive, and evil as nature itself. It gives rise to evil thoughts, not intentionally but permits them to come into existence.

It is a human right, as much as it is to have a home, food, and freedom to also be free from illness, pain, and disease.
May a cure be found someday!

When I was a child, I said that I wished I had never been born.
Somebody later said I had wanted to die.
I had never said that. I didn't think dying would solve the problem;
I was (And still am) a Christian, but as a child, I found it impossible to imagine a future without autism. I wondered how I would like heaven if there were angels with flapping wings and music, when those things always set me off into meltdowns?

As a pre-teen, I felt offended when people told me autism was for life. I just wished I could feel what it was like to not be autistic! Why did I have to be doomed to life with autism? Nobody else seemed to understand this feeling.

I spent my teenaged years trying to convince myself God had healed me.

There was a moment as an adult where I was angry at God for making me this way! "Why, of all things, do I have to be an extrovert with terrible social skills and social anxiety?"

But now, I love my life. I thank God that my SPD has significantly lessened, but other things have changed too.
I see autism as part of who I am, despite all the suffering it caused and still causes every day. I love having the opportunity to get excited about special interests, to appreciate the beauty in stories the way I do, to follow my passions and to give back to the world, to engage with people and to love. I have something only one in 80 people ever get to experience! There are terrible, depressed, anxious, why can't I get anything right moments; but there are so many good moments that they outweigh the bad. My life is worth living.

Hold on, Life can still be worth living with autism, it took me years to find that out.

PS. I'm sure in heaven there will be no bad parts of autism, but there may be the good parts.

Yeah I remember the first time I felt it. I basically came up with the theory of the Matrix when I was in 2nd grade (hadn't seen the movie, still haven't actually).

I was in class one day and we were all sitting on the floor in front of the teacher. We were talking about the "Six Pillars of Character" (trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, etc.) and she was going through each of them one by one and asking us what we thought it meant. I had a lot to say on the topic, personally. Every time she would ask something my hand would shoot up and then I would go on and on about what I thought "fairness" meant. Eventually, after my billionth time raising my hand, she said something along the lines of "let's let somebody answer now" (teacherspeak for stfu and let the dumb kids talk). So I did. And it was excruciating.

These people weren't even on the same LEVEL as me. Did they even care? "Uh, I dunno, maybe respect is like, being nice to people?" It made my brain hurt. What are these people? Are they even real? I began to feel as though they were some sort of automatons, as if I was stuck in a video game and I was the only one that was real. I spent the rest of the day terrified that I was stuck in some sort of dream or computer game, that reality was all a giant illusion and the people around me were all on autopilot. A pretty sobering realization for a 2nd grader, frankly, and that feeling has been with me ever since.

At times but for different reason....I can't believe this 2016 election, I mean sometimes I wish to wake up to find it was all just a dream, but nope it's actually happening. And I am at a loss, I can't vote for Trump or Hillary...so how the f*** am I supposed to vote. Though before this sometimes I always wondered if I'd ever wake up as a child again and all my current experiences beyond childhood have just been a dream I'll wake from.

This is your reality.
Do not let others tell you how it should be.
You have the choice to live your life the way you want it.

Many people will judge you and tell you to do things the 'normal' way.
I made the choice to pretend that harmful people are ghosts (they can call out to me).
And when I ignore them completely they can't handle it. They think I "Have to" talk to them (under their social rules one must talk to everyone, even their enemies).

life is the same as a dream

As a child, i didn't want to grow up (mostly because I was born an old man, as well as growing up too fast).

Lucidity can be devastating. Most humans can't survive (mentally) without a degree of self-delusion.

I've thought about this a lot. When I was religious, I came to this conclusion as I started looking at the bible symbolically. I'm not religious anymore, but part of me still believes this to be true.

All of us pre-existed in heaven as individual angels, but after we were arrested (see Mat 24:31 and Mar 13:27 and Isaiah 24:20-22) for rebelling against god, our spiritual being was taken through a "time tunnel" where all previous memory was wiped out, and then we are "transferred" into linear earth time and assigned to embryos in the wombs of our parents (the birth and death of each individual is predestined based upon their actions up in heaven and the condition of their heart towards the Creator who made them in the first place). It seemed so obvious to me yet no-one could see it. Virtually nobody considered this, nobody had any comprehension of this and nobody really even thought about this possibility. Yet I do still feel this is a possibility in my own mind as it's the only thing that explains to me why we are here and why there is so much violence and hatred in the world. It started when I was trying to work out why there was so much under-lying hatred towards our fellow human beings, then it clicked.

Human beings are the fallen angels who were thrown out and cast down to earth. Literally. That is why the Bible teaches that men and women are born sinners.

All through the bible, many times, Jesus himself talked about the stars or angels falling from heaven. This is a major topic in Scripture. It is mentioned all through the Bible, especially in the book of Revelation, where it talks about the serpent's tail sweeping the "third part of the stars" (or angels) from heaven, and casting them to earth (see Rev 6:13,8:12 and the all of chapter 12). I thought (and still sort of do) that those angels are you and I along with the rest of the human race. The serpent that casts the angels from heaven is the same serpent that caused Adam and Eve to fall in the garden paradise (which represents heaven).

I'm not autistic just depressed and hate this planet and I feel like the world is some kind of sick joke. Life is s**t, politics are s**t, economy is s**t, education is s**t, medical care is s**t, 1% of the population is literally sucking the lives out of the rest of us. How is this democracy even? It's more like some medieval times. We're peasants kept in check by Credit Scores while the New Aristocracy does whatever they want. Two sets of laws too: one for them, one for us. I'm constantly waiting that I will wake up and it'll be like "OK, test is over, you can go back to normal life".