dossa wrote:
This is one of those things that is best to work out with a therapist, if possible for you. Intrusive thoughts can and will present differently in different people. For me, part of my intrusive thoughts is a complete understanding that the unwanted thoughts are not only completely insane, but they cause me significant distress. I do not find them comforting in the least. One of my intrusive thoughts involves semi trucks. If I am in a car, driving down the road and I see a semi, I get this chatter in my head that tells me over and over, "Drive head on into it. Just plow right into that thing. How will it feel? Will I feel it? What will it sound like? Will it make a sound? Drive into it." I can then 'feel' the truck plow through me as I drive past it. It messes me right up and I get worried one day I will actually drive head on into a semi. I know I won't, but I still worry I will. See? Crazy and distressing.
For me that is a huge factor in figuring out what the thoughts are from... ie: the obsessive thoughts I get that are mixed up in my ASD stuff are not in the least discomforting, in fact, I find comfort in them, feed, water, and nurture them, like the case with interests. With my interests, which I also dub obsessions, since I get so nutty over them, I really do like them even when I know I am going overboard and piss a whole day away engaging in such activities.
That said, OCD intrusive thoughts often have a basis in insanity for people... a fear they are going crazy or will go crazy. So in that way it is very possible that thinking/believing/convincing yourself that you have x y or z disorder is well within the range of possibilities. OCD is also a pretty common comorbid with people on the spectrum. It's all kinda tricky to figure out. Whatever you do or don't have going on, I do wish you well in it and hope you can get it figured out.
I am on the waiting list for a therapist so hopefully that will help.
I do get the thoughts about driving into oncoming traffic but it is not distressing for me , I role play in my mind the whole event. This doesn't happen all the time and is usually sparked by seeing an oil tanker, I know this stems from playing a video game ( which I was addicted to ) where the object of the game was to crash and cause as much devastation as possible. I often tend to plot the best trajectory to hit a vehicle to cause a chain reaction , I would never actually do this as I don't want to hurt other people.
I think the reason I find suicide thoughts comforting is that I have had them for so long , they are like an old friend coming to visit , they are only dangerous to me because I have planned it so much in my head it only takes a psychotic breakdown for me to act on it.
I know that whatever is wrong is not a simple diagnosis as noone has ever told me what is wrong with me apart from anxiety & depression.
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Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. Raise the double standard
25 Mar 2017, 8:01 am
