Do I have ADHD? And is it just ADHD or autism+ADHD?

Post Reply New Topic

A few years ago I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome after getting self-diagnosed and somehow pushing the idea to my therapist. Now I am having doubts.

Back then I had all the stuff listed in AS/ASD diagnostic criteria.

I was 25 yo pretty girl with barely any friends, no boyfriend ever and living my life as a shut-in, spending all my time in a computer game or browsing the net on a single topic for 14h/day, every single day. I would stim when focused, bored or overloaded. I would throw a tantrum when I heard the vacuum cleaner or loud TV downstairs. And I reacted badly to "disturbed routine" such as my dad getting home early and wanting me to cook for him right away, while I was still busy with my game (I was usually taking a break about 14:30 and preparing dinner then).
And I remembered I was bullied by my peers since preschool times, without understanding why.

Currently, after getting proper help and disability pension I am much better and it seems like I returned to how I were when I was a preschooler:

Back then I was a busy child. I would talk to strangers, travel the city on my own, try many different things and generally be a pain in the ass for my parents and caregivers. I wouldn't sit for long (unless they put me in front of a TV with my favorite cartoon on, then they would shut around me and I wouldn't react). I was even put in a different room during the nap time because I was "creating chaos" and disturbing sleep of the whole group. And I had insomnia at night too - the wallpaper by my bed was all destroyed by my pulling it off out of boredom. I would also lose stuff all the time.

Currently I moved out to a huge city and for a long while I was spending my days travelling through the city on my own, visiting new places (not so much anymore since I know it all already therefore it become boring). I join strangers talk and if I hear about an event going on I go there, just to try it. I tried different part time jobs and got tired-bored with them (if I am bored I get tired and then I shutdown or meltdown because I end up focusing too much on the sensory stuff around in order to not get crazy with boredom). And I am disturbing the group during "mindfulness" or "relaxation" times because I just can't sit still and listen to some boring voice. I listen, listen, get bored, get more bored, find disturbing sensory stuff around to focus on, stim, find it doesn't help, leave the class, shut the door, go to restroom and meltdown about my miserable life. I also meltdown after waiting in a row at a shop or in the doctors waiting rooms. Bus stops too. And I can't just take my phone out and play or something to distract myself because I will forget where I am and miss my turn. I also still have the tendency to lose stuff and miss details but I compensate it with a habit to double check everything. I wont leave my house without patting my pockets and counting "phone- check, wallet - check, keys - check", "Alright, I'm good" and I tie bags to my backpack so I don't forget them. I am also using phone calendar to remind me about doctors appointments and such. And I set the timer when I am cooking something.

However I still don't know how relationships work (people seem to like me but I am not sure how to keep a friendship or get a boyfriend) and keeping in touch with people is boring for me. I prefer spending time by my own - people slow me down or bore me with their small talk. Meting friends also mean appointments and I hate appointments. If I can just visit my flatmate room and ask them if they want a chat or go shopping its fine but if I am to met someone "in an hour, at the main station" I would rather not go at all unless it's someone I like a lot or they are going to do something interesting.

And if I focus - I focus. I am able to do one thing for a few hours without a break and without getting bored - that part doesn't seem ADHD-like, right?

My focus is either too strong (I don't realize what's going on around at all and lose track of time) or too weak (I can't focus at all, I see and hear everything around me). There is rarely any in between.

My focus is especially limited when I am forced to listen to someone, especially with a lot of background noise but not just that - multi-step instructions don't get into my mind even if the environment is totally silent. I need to write them down and reread them after each step.

And while I don't seem to have much "restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities" I still meltdown if I don't have bread for breakfast (other stuff won't do), I must read some manga and/or watch anime before going to sleep (I haven't skipped that even once for last a few years - if I skip I can't fall asleep till I do) and I need to have my phone in my left pocket and wallet+keys in the right one (or else I keep checking where they are, worried I might lose them - I am even capable of panically checking "where is my phone, it's not in my pocket!" while... having it in my hand, lol).

What do you think?

I am planning to ask my psychiatrist about that but I am afraid she will just accept it and give me some ADHD medicine because she is that kind of person. She prescribes whatever a patient asks her for. She already prescribed me a "focus medicine" when I asked her for one because I told her I see to have issues with focusing. It worked the opposite way - my senses became terribly sharp and I couldn't focus on anything at all because the world become even more intense than it usually is, everything was too bright and too loud and clothes were way too scratchy... Unfortunately I don't remember how the medicine was called.

ADHD can be a cormorbidity of ASD,so it's not surprising your getting a dual diagnosis.It's quite possible to have both.I was given ritalin when I was younger.

What are your counterindications to ASD? I don't think it's strangers, b/c one of my signs for ASD is lack of separation anxiety and lack of stranger danger. I love people --- too bad I can't maintain relationships easily (I want to exchange information and most people want to "build rapport", so I am told). I don't think it's going to new places, b/c I am also "sensory seeking" and love new places and activities (not parties) --- too bad I get stressed so easily (I am the hypersensitive type). I also can FOCUS and am upset about interruptions --- which happen a lot b/c I am sensitive - see this, hear that. I don't think it's being restless b/c my "resting" is Moving. I do walking meditations and imagine movement when relaxing. I pace and stim (not in public much) etc. Although I can't remember what I am doing from one minute to the next, I did not get a diagnosis of ADHD, but wouldn't be surprised if it's mild for me. I received a diagnosis of ASD and General Anxiety (and Learning Disability).

Well. I like sarcasm and I was always interested in idioms.

I remember understanding them well during Polish or English lessons because I could figure them out logically (for example "every cloud has a silver lining" is positive because when a cloud ends you will see a lighter line made by sun on the border of the cloud and blue sky comes next). Grandma taught me how to do it when I was in preschool. It was like a game for me and I don't remember it ever being a problem for me although I still have trouble with metaphors made by other people, that are not so common (for example I still don't know what a coworker meant when he said "There is going to be an earthquake." while reading newspaper, I asked him "What kind of earthquake? Are you using the word figuratively? Is the company in trouble? Or directly? Is the mine nearby planning something?" and he said "Just a normal earthquake.", I asked "Where?" and he said "Right here.". Nothing happened and there was nothing about the mine at the page he was reading or anything else earthquake related so I couldn't guess and he didn't give me any hints).

I am also pretty expressive - I do have the "blank stare" if I am tired (people ask me if I am sad then, but its just being tired and not wanting to interact with anyone) but when I am actively interacting with people I am really animate and my voice is full of changes (actually there is too much of it, a friend told me "He can hear Asperger in me because I don't modulate my voice the way most people do"). I don't speak in monotone. And I am often tired by having too many expressions. My face hurts from all the smiling, my neck can hurt from nodding and I cant stop myself from the "ohh", "eww" and "aha" even if I have a sore throat - I tell people to not talk to me then because it's too much of a habit, I can't force myself not to do that when someone is speaking. Sometimes I even catch myself nodding and "oww"ing at strangers talk. LOL When I was a child they said I would be a good actress because I would cry and laugh on spot.


Oh. And I can somehow read people - especially actors, with expressions exaggerated. There was a test like that. My mom which is the most NT person in my family got about half right while I got the full score. Her explanation was that she was mixing the underlying emotions with what the actor was supposed to show. I wonder about that.
Anyway - I can see when someone is upset and I can sense when someone just needs a hug. If I focus on them, not at giving them advice. LOL

I also do eye contact. It's not a problem for me and I don't think it ever was, although sometimes I am too busy with whatever I am doing to look at the people - but it's normal, isn't it? I don't see anything interesting in human eyes and I don't actually see them (I am visual thinker so when I am speaking or listening I see my thoughts and the eyes looking at me are just background). But they are a good way to communicate, without using the impolite finger pointing. You stare at people eyes, they stare back and you move your eyes - there is a huge chance they will follow that and see what you want them to see. They also know you are speaking to them when you look at them and they might look around, wondering who you are speaking to if you don't.
I don't like looking at eyes in photos, such as the "emotions in eyes test" online though. It scares me.

I was never a child insisting to do something exact same way and I was often going home from school a different route because going the same way day after day was boring. I was happy when lessons were cancelled too (not when they cancelled an exam though - it just meant I will have to learn it again for next week because I will forget by then). And when there was a school trip. The things I didn't like were lessons outside because I couldn't focus. And when they made me sit in a different seat. I had a few favorite spots in the classroom (1st row by teacher desk, 1st row in the middle or maybe 2nd row by the window) and I didn't like the others because I was either surrounded by bullies, getting bored or I couldn't focus. 1st row by teacher desk was my favorite spot because it made it easiest for me to focus. It was just me and the teacher, I could hear properly, there was no visual distractions, I could see what the name of the lesson is, what page I am supposed to open in my book, who this weak "orderly" is (If I didn't see it I would realize its my turn about Wednesday, lol) and when my name is about to be read. Window seat was fine too but just because I could look outside and I had the control over the airflow and the temperature. I liked sitting by the heater for the same reason.


I am not sure how walking meditations work but what you said reminded me whet I did when they told me to "imagine you are a tree, with strong roots, not moving despite strong wind". First I started jumping my body while keeping my feel "glued" to the floor because I couldn't stand the idea of having roots, then I started mowing as if a strong wind was blowing in the room and eventually I stopped moving but also stopped "being a tree" - I turned into a squirrel and started jumping from tree to tree in my imagination, seeing various places and environments.

You are comparing yourself to stereotypes of ASD, which are half truths. Sure, some AS folks are that way, but I find AS is a study of extremes and in some areas there are AS folks that are exactly (and overwhelming) the opposite. Nothing you write is non-AS to me. In fact what you write is AS-like: logical, sensitive.

I am highly expressive, highly sensitive (able to read folks) and value connections. To some AS people sarcasm and idioms are wordplay; it's not that they don't understand. As a child I was called "dramatic" as an adolescent I was an award-winning actress. Many AS woman study acting and psychology. I am by far more expressive and empathetic than my NT husband. As I said, I am also a sensation seeker so avoid boredom (which is stress). Still, if I look around, I have my "favorite" this and my "favorite" that (that I use exclusively) --- I crave variety in many areas but as soon as something "regular" is out of place, I am near completely undone ("where's my ######!")

The difference is that NTs consider my enthusiasm as "intense" (or completely lacking), NTs consider my eye contact as "intense" (or completely lacking), when I use sarcasm it's very pointed.

Of the four Asperger's memoirs I've read written by women, three are women like me (expressive, outgoing) and one was of a women like my AS-like BFF (reserved). This correlates with the Myers Briggs finding that 3/4 women are "Feelers" (yes, one can be highly Thoughtful and Intellectual ---me--- and ALSO be highly Feeling) --- I would say this extends into the area of ASD also, although it has been previously overlooked.

ADHD is a disorder that makes it difficult for a person to pay attention and control impulsive behaviors. He or she may also be restless and almost constantly active.

So it sounds like you fit that description. After a few seconds you become bored and crave change.

I don't seen anything that would cause me to think you are not autistic. Also realize that autism is manifested differently between males and females. Females tend to use social masking to a greater degree than males. They tend to melt into society by mirroring the actions of others.

IMO, you seem to have oversensitivity to sight, hearing, touch and perhaps other senses, problems with executive function, and some obsessive compulsive disorder. But I am not a psychologist.

One of the problems with social masking is that over time, it becomes very difficult to maintain. That causes stress. Stress accumulates in your body over time and becomes distress - such as depression, meltdowns.

No, no. Its not a few seconds. More like a few days or weeks. Or hours if we are talking about a boring, repetitive task.

I have little patience for house tasks such as floor wiping or cleaning really dirty dishes (I hate the oily or soap-like feeling and my hands hurt easily when I am scrubbing) and my room is a mess because I fail to put stuff where they are supposed to be and I keep forgetting about taking are of the dust.

But when it comes to the "boring, repetitive" tasks at work, such as data input I pay attention to details and can't say it's that boring, more relaxing (like doing sudoku or something) - I stop once my back starts to ache or I get hungry or there is too much noise around or when I become upset. Last week I had trouble starting a task and couldn't focus on anything else and I was thinking about leaving the job because first they told me to print 150 pages, then sign them, then copy them one by one, then scan them one by one, then send them to people one by one by e-mail, then send them one by one by old fashioned mail and then put them into accounting program one by one and then put them into the files one by one. It was so stupid! Monkey job! I got "health leave" for 2 days before starting. But when I returned and started doing that I managed somehow. It took me 3x2h but I managed and it wasn't as bad as I expected because the other room was busy with a critical situation at that time so I was doing my thing mechanically while listening to them arguing about gas leaking and the potential danger of a multi-families housing blowing up and constantly picking phones from the people living there, who were reporting they can smell gas. More than 12 people called. Fortunatelly nothing happend in the end, as far I know so it was a nice distraction from what my hands were doing. I had to pay more attention during the accounting part because my focus was still on the gas but I managed by writing down a number on the papers I was done with and there was no need to think much anyway because the task was really repeatable - copy, paste, change name and account, save, turn page, copy, paste... The only thing I would do bad was putting the same document twice (that's why I was writing numbers down), forgetting to change the name (but I made sure to double check that and it would look suspicious on the list anyway so I would see it if it happened) or forgetting to change the account (in which case the program was printing an error unless the name wasn't changed either).

If I focus I focus. There was a time when a neighbor was doing reconstruction. Everyone else was bothered by it and asking "when is he going to finish?" but I wasn't bothered by the drill sound. I was also laughing when a neighbor was doing something with a hammer although it pissed off my roommate. And I wasn't really bothered by road constructions right behind my window - I could sleep through it and work through it, the only problem was I was getting a headache after a few hours of the constant noise so I needed to travel somewhere for a change.

But on the other hand I was pretty bothered when a guy was fixing door and gave a hammer to a bored kid, then the kid started hitting the wall to our office. It was like someone was knocking constantly and irregularly, so I got up and told them to stop because it distracts me from working. I can understand reconstruction noises because it can't be helped and its somehow constant and predictable but kids hitting an office wall piss me off.

I don't seem to have issues with staying on task (although I do have problem with completing the details - my creations always work and might even be idiot-proof but I don't have the patience to make them pretty or to make them fit into a bigger whole like they always were there - I am often saying "it's good enough in my opinion, if you want to fine-tune it any further do it yourself" and I even instruct others to do the same "Its fine already, just leave it, it doesn't have to be perfect") and I have better boredom threshold when it comes to "boring, repetitive" tasks.

My issues are trouble waiting for my turn (ex. rows, waiting rooms, waiting for someone to pick the phone, finishing other people sentences, interrupting others talk) and poor listening/verbal skills (ex. multi-step instructions, monotone voice or slow lectures, lectures without visual input, reading law books).

When I was a teenage, I did many menial, repetitious task. But I enjoyed them. I worked in a post office sorting mail. And developed many strange skills. I could take a tray of mail, flip it up in the air turning the mail over at the same time and having the letters all land properly in a sorting station. I could pick up an envelope and tell by feel the weight whether it exceeded the weight for one stamp. I would then check it with a mechanical scale and I was alway right. So I found pleasure in menial task. I had developed a special skill.

As a teenage I was hired by a bank. It was the main bank branch downtown. My job was to balance the books each night not only for the main branch but also the other satellite branches. Generally this was around $2 million per night. Probably today this would be closer to $10 million each night. I was part of a group. Two people were working this task and one was about to leave for another job. I was to become the replacement. So I learned the process quickly. After about a month the one person left but the other person in the group also unexpectedly left at the same time. That left me all alone. I was pulled into a corporate office and the managers were trying to solve a difficult problem. The books had to be balanced each night. It had to be done even if I had to work 16 hours to do it. They asked me if I could do the task. They offered me overtime. They said that as an incentive if I was able to complete the task in less than 8 hours, I could take the rest of the night off with pay. This was an interesting task. I inputted magnetic ink on the bottom of each check to match the amount handwritten on the check. I used a numerical keyboard. One of the number keys had a slight outdent because by touch only it was possible to know where all the other number keys were located. So you could enter the amounts blindfolded. It turned out that I was always able to leave work early in my shift because I made significantly less errors in transcribing the amounts and I was also able to discover any mistakes using deductive reasoning. Generally any numerical mistake was the result of two mistakes combined.

In later life I was actually set off to one side and not given work to do. I analyzed the situation. I demanded to be given some task to perform. The task given was minimal so I had significantly time to burn. Then I thought what would Einstein do. He did all his greatest work when he was working as a clerk in a patent office. He also had a menial task and plenty of time to burn. He just latched onto a problem and focused his spare time on that special interest and over time changed the world.

When I was young in elementary school, I spent a lot of my time daydreaming. Daydreaming is an essential skill. It opened up a giant world of imagination. This imagination allowed me to look outside the small little box I was put in and reach out into a very vast world and pluck all out interesting mysteries out of thin air. Life is a world of wonder. I wonder what you might achieve in your spare time?

Me, me, me!! ! At work when I am getting impatient I have to occupy myself mentally and then I miss what was said. Nearing 50 I am much, much better about it, but still known for my impatience. My AS-like BFF says I am five steps ahead of other folks and I forget to give them feedback like "I hear you" before I plow ahead. For staff meetings, I doole = visual output!

Once I was assigned this menial inefficient task (I don't mind menial by itself - I did inventory in a craft store and that was awesome! for variety) and I called my contracting agency in a complete panic. I could not do it - the inefficiency was painful. My contact begged me to stay and come to find out I made it through (those few hours) and in the end (many months later) it was my best assignment. It's weird that I can be this amazing designer and then be happy as clam doing (precise) data entry.

I chose to have children and my NT son enjoys imaginative play, so I set the timer for 10 minutes at a time to do so. I still suck at it, always stating the obvious ("I'm a castle man in red with a blue sword") and ordering the toys. Poor kid "living" by the timer, but at least I make the effort. My AS daughter does her own thing.

My ASD report recommendations included no distractions at work. I was going a little batty when there was a bunch of roofing going on. Right there with you.

Seems like you really pushed for the AS diagnosis.