I'm afraid I've lost it

Post Reply New Topic

I know people say you can't lose autism, and you can rarely lose the diagnosis, but that has done nothing to calm my mind. I keep going back to how horrifying it would be to have found something that explains my mind and way of thinking just to learn that's not really what it is.

Unfortunately, I feel like I'm experiencing that now. There are days where I feel like I can intuitively recognize facial expressions and the emotions that go along with them, days when I feel emotions so strongly they kind of make me feel sick, and I'm afraid to see anyone who specializes in autism, because I'm almost positive they'd classify me as "normal" on my good days.

Maybe I am non-autistic though? Maybe my "autistic" symptoms were due to something else entirely? Schizoaffective disorder is another one of my diagnoses, and its symptoms overlap with autism. I strongly dislike the idea of being non-autistic, though. NT people don't understand neurodiverse people and actively work against them, for one thing.

Not all autistic people lack the ability to recognize facial expressions.


Plenty of autistic people feel emotions strongly.

You were only diagnosed a year ago, for some it can take a while to sink in. I question my diagnosis sometimes.

Let me introduce you to 'Impostor syndrome'

https://embrace-autism.com/introducing- ... disability.

Yes, in fact, more strongly (to the point of feeling sick. I happen to sometimes dissociate because good and bad emotions can even trigger me). Because we are usually more sensitive.

when we get diagnosis of autism, every single thing we thought we knew and understood looks different, we have a completely different understanding of our history, our beliefs and our self understanding and self image. The longer we have lived before this happens , the more stuff we have to sort out. Not knowing who we are is a common side effect of diagnosis, we learn that we have covered up so much through masking or due to social pressures, may have spent more time pleasing others than understanding what pleases ourselves. All sorts of emotions in a wild mix and a lot of confusion. You are not alone, nor is this something unusual for newly diagnosed individual. Take your time and sort through the things that give you the most trouble every day. You can self accommodate in many ways to make every day life easier and better. One step at a time and do your best self care. Diagnosis is life changing and feeling confused and frustrated, maybe angry and scared too, are all part of it. Cut yourself some slack and be at least as kind to yourself as you would be to any other person going through such a huge emotional and life changing experience.

You can have autistic like traits and not be autistic.

Some traits are however more autistic than others. Or occur more in autism and therefore make you more visibly autistic.

Unfortunately having schizoaffective disorder also makes you also likely to have diminished theory of mind, which makes autism diagnosis harder.

At the end of day what matters is getting the right treatment with the right approach and right kind of help and that is where autism diagnosis helps.

Unfortunately this help as far as people on the internet say is not easy to get in many situations.

Realistically you are likely to get more help for schizoaffective than autism.

I am not expert, but that is the information I collected from the internet.

Autism often has very little support unless you are severely or visibly in some way impaired which makes it easier to justify investing in helping people.

Losing autism is not possible, but misdiagnosis is.

Autism can be co-morbid with other conditions, but I suspect strongly that as understanding in autism evolves so does the number of people who diagnose it expand with better tools and understanding.

Since autism has been around a long time, but it got more special attention with rising number of people who get diagnosed it no longer is a fringe diagnosis, but rather a normal thing these days.

Partially also because more experts talk about it, more people had the ability to probably recognize it. Both the afflicted and psychologist who did not know much about it.

I my self cannot tell what really counts as true autism. Meaning there are many people, even NT people who display autistic like traits, but not the more normative and visibly autistic like traits.
Its still a matter of research and I believe to some degree of psychology evolving into more advanced science that gives more insight as to what symptoms count and what not.

Since autism is collection of symptoms and many do or do not add up to autism its hard to say what is and what is not autism.

There are some real visible signs of autism that can be obvious like averting eye contact, naivety in socializing, reduced theory of mind and rigid rituals and routines.

Thanks for all of the encouragement and advice. I guess it's just the prospect that I might be getting better since seeking help that's bothering me. It would be okay, like I said, if I trusted that I was actually getting better and had proof that I could do things like find and hold down a decent-paying job, learn new skills without the help of others, etc., but I'm not sure that's what's happening. I'm afraid that I may just be appearing to get better, and well, that would put me back at the beginning.

the future is always scary, cut yourself some slack and do your best self care as you sort it out. Knowing our diagnosis gives us new ways to look at just about everything in our lives and helps us see where we can make adjustments to make things every day "go better" As you sort it out, things will get more clear and life will make better sense. cheering you on, you are not alone!