Say Something Random: psychological Conditions Version

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Hmmm...

It's trial and error.
And allowances made after years and years of attempting.


Just as long as you're not driving, operating a heavy machinery, or being in a place where one had to pay attention like emergencies or being in dangerous shady places -- one can try and figure things out from within.

But that's... Way more difficult while doing it in a chaotic environment or stressful situations.

Thus, when trying to meditate; some would do it while doing chores and hobbies or even while working out, some had to take medications because their bodies, feelings and mind are too loud.

Kinda why I progressed when I took birth control pills -- because my hormones are very loud.
Progressed quicker with melatonin because hormones did affect the way my body metabolizes it and it's effects. The calming effects doesn't help me sleep, but put my subconscious mental guards and tensions down a bit and let me dive a little deeper...

And I decided that I'm not using those meds to cope day to day living, but to progress internal processing.
As of now, I'm just planning and figuring which will be the best time I do it again because our bodies have cycles.

That's just me.
Doing the same methods can be detrimental to someone else. The point is to make your internal factors be less noisy -- but also having the skills to actually dive deep within.

And I don't know how common or how well an individual would acquire those skills past the practice and habit of mindfulness.


How to figure things from within?

Well... One had to go from believing what you're thinking or seeing as if it's the present (which is basically flashbacks), to something you can observe from afar, to eventually unconditionally accept whatever happened to you at that moment.

And that's just simplifying it; taking triggers as opportunities.

It has it's nuisances because not everyone can react the same way towards the memories or sensations.
Some would need it because they'd rather confront it head on, others don't and will just made things worse for them like giving them nightmares or pain.



I don't know...
... I have my own individual factors on top of those allowances.

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All things considered I'm probably the best person I can be at this moment in time

My father joked (sort of) that I should live in a hospital because of my health anxiety. I sometimes wish I could work or live in a hospital. Knowing that it's a safe place with Doctor's all around. Everytime I go to the hospital due to a scare I feel just better being there.

Some people mistook me for having anxiety or health anxiety all because my interoception is fricking louder than anything external.

Welp, I don't fricking care if it's cancer, heart attack or stroke! It's fricking annoying and inconveniencing!
I could care less about dropping dead for no reason; I ain't afraid of that idea.


I just want to end the sources of my frustrations.
None of these frustrations are 'anxiety'.
Just fricking annoyance that affects what I can and cannot do.

I don't feel impending doom or those types of fearful shite, just frustration and annoyance.


My fricking attitude towards the regularly basis of hours of nonstop sneezing very loudly and strongly to a point that it made me not sleep past 2am is not 'anxiety', it's raging inducing.
And no, frick no, anxiety is not the stupid fricking reason why my sleep is crap you ignorant shite...

ALSO BEING BORN A FRICKING BIOLOGICAL FEMALE.

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I need to remember to talk with my therapist about me being largely emotionally unavailable. If I can fix it/stop it, I really would like to. Fingers crossed I remember to do that. It's not a thing that I like about myself at all.

^^^ Sounds like lots of overlap in those conditions ^^^^..hope you are able to get some assistance with those .

My brain is f****d up beyond all repair.

My nostrils and the enabler that is my immune system is more broken than my mind.

My nose and it's breathing ruined my health and gave me more uncertainty more than my thoughts or feelings and neurodivergence.


Oh, sure, in my mind I'm free and up here I'm healthier...
But not free enough. Not when it's filled with discomfort and pain no thanks to the very same organs I kept referencing.


Because I'm a human who just wants and wants and wants...
When I get what I want (so badly), might as well replace my upper respiratory with my uterus and hormones.


My own body is driving my mind crazier -- than my mind making my body neglect itself.

The brain needs a stimulus.
The brain looks for problems.
Maybe that's why and possibly where most of my "anxieties" go to? My "attitude" and rants over it?

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ayo this ish real...

I get discharged on Monday

I suppose I should be excited really