Asperger's and Narcissistic Personalith Disorder

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I exhibited very extreme signs of Asperger's growing up but never knew what it was until about two years ago at the age of 29. My mother, now deceased apparently had NPD and my sister would often pretend to be me with my philosophical ideas (my interest since eight) and then degrade and lie about me to everyone. I now am coming out of a three year relationship with someone I now understand has pathological narcissist traits, probably also NPD.

I've always felt it was me causing these behaviors in others. I knew something was different about me since elementary school because of the constant stimming (sucking my thumb when I was little and playing with my lips now) and dislike my presence provoked in people so I internalized any and all abuse.

I'm learning that it isn't entirely me, but as I get more and more of a hold on my own behaviors and have started listening to others and not rambling so much I'm realizing how this behavior seemed narcissistic and I'm wondering if in some way my earlier inability to interact was provoking narcissistic behavior in others?

So, I guess I'm asking is it possible that I'm not so much creating it in others but exacerbating it in others when I slip into my interest too much and not giving appropriate attention to loved ones?

Regardless, there is no changing my ex but I've noticed since my sister got married and I've become a better listener and sister in general she isn't so adverse when I have an issue in the relationship to talk it out instead of just blowing up and not talking for awhile and then pretending nothing was ever said. So, this change in our relationship has me wondering...

Any insight, correction, or advice is much appreciated!! ! Personal experiences and feelings about this possible feedback loop would be priceless!! !

I've never recogniced any nercissistic behaviour in others.

I believe since a while that I just mostly don't recognice it.
I don't know why.

So I can't even tell if autistic come along better with Narcissists or why this is.
Maybe it's because of your familiyhistory.

Funny this topic comes up. I have wondered if people in my family are narcissistic, so I read all characteristics and personality traits (not diagnostic guidelines) about them and noted statistics on how many different traits each person in my family had.

• 17 mother
• 14 father
• 11 brother
• 10 me
• 8 sister
• 5 my wife

(source: http://outofthefog.net/Disorders/NPD.html , 44 characteristics and personality traits of NPDs are listed there)
I theorize that I got up much higher because I know my own inner thoughts better than I know theirs, and therefore I couldn't count some I suspected but couldn't know for sure about them.

Hehe, well, I guess this doesn't tell much, maximum score was my mother with 17/44, and she is the person(except my wife of course) I have the best relationship with at the moment. Perhaps I caused the behaviours that lead me to recognise these traits in them, or perhaps my family lacks love and consideration in general, who knows. Perhaps I'm a result of a refrigerator mom. It's all speculation, I didn't really learn much from my statistics.

Perhaps that link I gave you in this post will teach you how to deal with NPD, and how they make you feel while exhibiting their characteristic behaviours.

Thanks for your reply. I feel I never noticed it either or attributed the behavior to being my fault for a long time. You're probably right, I'm just used to this behavior so I seek it out. I will be a victim no more.

Thank you for.the link Blownmind! That's the most exhaustive and informative list of abusive behaviors I've ever seen. I've been watching Sam Vaknin's YouTube videos for weeks to stay focused and not get "Hoovered" back in with my ex, to use the terminology of your link.

You've also given me a valuable source to use with my boundary creation list. I see to how when I withdraw and ignore people I'm just perpetuating the cycle of abuse and abusing them back instead of just ending unhealthy relationships.

I didn't even get past the first part it was so awesome. Everyone has narcissistic traits but it's deadly and painful when it becomes a "rigid pathology" as Sam Vaknin says. I'm looking forward to the rest of the page. Thank you!

I see that abuse is a feedback loop for sure!

Damn it. My sister used almost every behavior on that list the entire time we were growing up and into adulthood..

And when I broke up with my ex my friends are all gone because he was threatened by them and I've been telling my sister all about this...

Even now her compliments are always half put-downs. What a strange little world I've created for myself here. I will stop telling her about what I'm thinking and just keep it loose and light and impersonal with her (to see my nephew). I can't take another cycle of this s**t from anyone.

I'm the poster child of victimhood and cluelessness, no more, no more, no more!! !

You are very welcome Happy to be of help. I think I've spent 3-4 evenings reading on that particular site, and I am not done yet.

I truely hope you learn some coping mechanisms regarding the people in your life with NPD. And remember, it is ok to cut them out of your life completely if they cause you nothing but misery.

Everyone these days is a narcist. People can only get along with other people who tell them what they want to hear.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is only diagnosed in adults and developed as people grow into adulthood. If people were acting like this when they were young, they were just a general douche, not Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They develop the disorder from an abusive/bad childhood.

People throw around the term "personality disorder" and other mental illnesses like it's fashion.

You're gonna come across a lot of people in your life who come across as Narcissistic, but there's a difference between Narcissistic people, and Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

As someone with a different personality disorder, please stop trying to pick out everyone in your life who ticks the most boxes for NPD, or any other Personality Disorder.
I'm sure you wouldn't like it if people on other forums were ticking off people in their life for who ticks the most boxes for Autism/Aspergers/ADHD.

Yes these people are pricks (People with NPD) but at the end of the day, you are forgetting these people are MENTALLY ILL! They do not know what they are doing, they are disordered. The clue is in the name. And don't mistake me for sticking up for these people either.

This is the DSM. This criteria is what you have to fit to be diagnosed with NPD. That link above with all the 50+ traits or whatever is ridiculous, you find half of those things in your every day high school douche bag.

DSM-IV-TR 301.81
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fourth edition, DSM IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines narcissistic personality disorder (in Axis II Cluster B) as:[1]
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

- Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

- Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

- Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

- Requires excessive admiration

- Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

- Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

- Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

- Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her

- Shows arrogant, haughty behavior or attitudes.

It is also a requirement of DSM-IV that a diagnosis of any specific personality disorder also satisfies a set of general personality disorder criteria.

@MightyMorphin Kind of a lot of hypocrisy and assumption in your reply...Pretending I can't know about these two people and that you can explain them to me, or that I think this is fashionable and done on a whim lol...oh well, sorry if I offended you in some way. I'm not here to convince strangers or to list every incident. Can you shed any light on the question asked here?

Please, allow me to clarify.

First of all, it was 44, and if this was directed at me, I must tell you I do know this, but it's great that you mention it so others keep it in mind. All the people I did a statistical analysis of are adults and I did not count any incidents from my/theirs childhood.


If you have lived with someone, or know someone who have lived with someone with NPD, I don't think you would react to this thread in the way you just did. There are people out there being abused, both mentally and physically, and feel stuck in their current situation. It is vital for them to know/recognise NPD and get advice on how to handle the situation. You don't know the reasons I had for doing my statistics, and it is too complicated to explain without writing a biography. I am not jumping the gun here, or doing it on a whim, I have my reasons. Invalidating every reason someone might have for checking if certain people fit into the NPD box doesn't compute with me.



In my opinion, the 5 bolded points are hard to spot for an outsider (someone outside their mind) . We can't read minds, so going by the diagnostic criteria might not be as easy as you would think, since we then only have 4 of the points easily seen by outsiders, and you need 5 to fit the criteria.

Exactly, so why are people diagnosing others when they can't see these symptoms in people? Talk about putting your foot where your mouth is.

If you read what I wrote, you would know I used 44 characteristics and traits, not the diagnostic criterias..

It's a little funny to me-more annoying though-that MightyMorphin's communication style is much like my ex's. Has no concern for the question raised, assumes what isn't there, ignores what is, demeans and demands and then diverts "conversation" into whatever it is that is that he wishes....or probably more accurately, what is triggering them.

I love the name of that site, Out of the Fog....so freaking accurate...

Because your whole thread is outright rude.

Imagine people taking the p*ss out of the Autistic, that none of you can help your symptoms, but people bash you anyway, saying how much of an attention seeker you are and all the sorts, and that you should just snap out of it?
Your playing foul ball. You need to grow up and stop picking on one type of person.

By the way, I'm female, not male.