Body dysmorphic disorder

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I am still struggling to find my voice on WrongPlanet, but I logged in, noticed this thread and thought I should at least raise my virtual hand as a fellow sufferer.

I have had BDD – diagnosed – for at least a decade and it is now fair to say my case is quite severe. It started at university and has deteriorated steadily since. My obsessions are mostly my facial aesthetics, but I also find myself hating my body shape as well to a lesser degree.

The autism specialists I saw at a London behavioural genetics department did suggest that BDD is not atypical for those on the spectrum. That is not to say it is common, but simply that autistic minds are more prone to the perfectionism and detail obsession that can, when focussed on appearance, develop into BDD.

I also read an interesting article that speculated that autistic brains may be more susceptible to BDD as rather than appreciating a face as a whole, BDD sufferers may instead concentrate on a collection of features. Whereas most people see a face, someone with BDD will see a nose, eyes, a jaw, a chin, hair, ears and so on. This inability to see the “big picture” can lead to an obsession with individual features – divorced from the whole – and also a tendency for perception to shift markedly as the brain attempts to form a coherent whole from the details.

I notice that last tendency in myself to a significant degree; my perception changes hour to hour. Of course my face does not change, but the reflection in the mirror will appear vastly and confusingly different, and even almost unrecognisable at times.

I do, not officially diagnosed. I have never been a "hottie" always had things about my appearance that were mocked. Add to that the competitive nature of teenage girls. Then a dash of AS needing everything to look a certain way. Recipe for disaster.

I developed anorexia as a teenager. I was always underweight as a kid and through my teens I was probably a good 10-15 lbs under a healthy weight. I didn't count calories but did watch my weight and never ate a lot. After I was diagnosed with depression at 19 I started meds. That helped somewhat. I was able to stop focusing on the scale, but never stopped obsessing about my face.

My eyebrows, my nose, my teeth, my skin, my hair, the list goes on.

In my early 20's I actually got up to the healthy weight range for my height and frame which was about 125-130. I didn't mind my photo being taken. I felt great about my appearance to the point that if I traveled back to my home town I wanted everyone to see me. I never did see a single old classmate. Then my meds got changed again and I gained 15 lbs in a few weeks. Freaking out would be an understatement.

Got on different anti-depressants that worked better and then just stopped eating as much. Family was forcing me to eat, but I am a picky eater. If it is food I like I will eat until I am stuffed. Otherwise it is just eating because I have to.

Then the phrase muffin top came into my lexicon. Ugh. I got sick. I dropped to 117 but got up to 120, which is a weight my body feels good at. My clothes fit well and my stomach doesn't bother me.

Now well into my 30's my face and body are showing my age and my life long struggles with malnutrition. It is very hard for me to grasp that my appearance will continue to change. All the things I was hyper aware of as a teen are coming back to haunt me in new ways. Now it's grey hairs, wrinkles, dark under eye circles, my nose getting even bigger! Cellulite.

The cherry on top is I discovered extra body hair and acne are a side effect of anorexia and malnutrition. And that even if you get well, that the hair may not go away. Women aren't supposed to have excess body hair, if you went by movies or magazines, they aren't supposed to have any at all.

PinkFeelingBlue- Where did you get that pic of a rabbit? It looks almost exactly like the one I own.

I sympathise with anyone who had BDD. I think I have it too. Mines is quite severe, but it's less severe than how it was a few years back. I've been a nervous wreck with anxiety from very young, and later on with OCD. So i guess obsessing over some perceived, and some other very much real flaws, isn't a major surprise. i got bullied and belittled a lot over years, plus genuinely getting stared at by people. this wasn't all in my head stuff. now i don't know why i obsess over my looks since i've already given up wanting friends or a relationship since i feel i'm too big a weirdo to deserve any of this. i guess i just cant help obsess over negative things.

I struggled a lot with it when I was younger. My brain didn't match my body.

I think that might be why I was quite self destructive.

Things seemed to settle down for me when I was in my 30's, after going on a course of anti-psychotics for a completely unrelated problem.

It's strange the way things turn out nice sometimes.