Is having clinical depression for ten years abnormal?

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I don't know very much about obsession at all. But I did just spend a few minutes looking it up, and it seems like I'm reading that if you try to give up on the obsession completely, it often backfires, and people end up worrying about it more. There is a lot of advice about redirecting your focus to other things, and then giving yourself permission to worry about it at a certain time. Is there a chance that you misunderstood what they were saying? Maybe they meant try to redirect your focus through the majority of the day, so that you can get other things done too . . . but you shouldn't quit completely.

Also, you know, finding a partner is one of those primal urges. I don't think it's unusual for people to obsess, to a degree, about that - it's a survival instinct thing. The only reason it would become a problem is if it interferes with your ability to do other things. It seem like what they're saying is that's when you want to redirect, but I don't think that you have to redirect permanently, forever. Just when you're busy doing something else.

I am actually getting a blood test tomorrow. I've had one earlier in the year because I am pre-diabetic. My diet needs major improvement. I tend to eat a lot of high calorie foods with carbs and sugars.



I have been told I dwell and ruminate on the fact I don't have a girlfriend too much. It's on my mind constantly and it makes me neglect other things in my life.

Yes, but I was thinking of it like a continuum.

At one end is giving up completely, and the other end is ruminating to the point of neglecting other things. I think the idea is to see these options as both being extreme, and you would maybe set the goal that you would try to moderate your obsession. Spend a little time on it, but not a lot. Be in the middle of the extremes.

Maybe I misunderstood what I read on those sites! Forget it.

I think it's good you're getting your vitamins and things checked! Cutting down on the sugars and starches is a good idea. I bet if you try it it would help, too. I did something like that recently, and noticed a lot of improvements where I had complaints before.

What makes it hard to not think about the obsession is that I am 29 now and I am far behind socially.

I am 29 and I still don't have a girlfriend. If 30 goes the same way, I don't want to live past that.

I'm behind socially, too. I'm sorry it's hurting so much, and wish I could make you feel better.

Try to remember that there's no rule saying that only people under thirty can find love. That deadline is self imposed, and can change! And I still think that you should think about giving your obsession a little time during your day, but maybe in proactive ways. Go out and flirt with someone for a few minutes. Then get back to life. Ask someone on a date. Then get back to life. That's not an obsession anymore, because you're still living the rest of your life.

Maybe you won't feel so much pressure if you can relax about the deadline, and relax about completely forgetting the idea of ever getting a girlfriend. If giving up is causing you depression, then don't give up, that's all. Don't give yourself a deadline, and don't quit completely.

I hope you feel better. I think you can tackle this one bit at a time, if you take it slow!

Thank you, plainjain. I used to visualize I would be one of the genuinely cool kids (Not the term the in crowd uses) who managed to find his niche, gave a perspective that made people think, and find the girl of my dreams. Instead, I failed to excel at the things I thought would be my niche, others told me "Shut up!" or "Uh uh, yew ar full uv s**t!", and girls only liked the bad boys. I sometimes wonder if Bible Belt social conditioning makes some women think it's ok to be treated poorly by men?

When people would tell me not to think about the girlfriend issue, it felt like they were telling me to give up completely but could I have been assuming the wrong thing? I realize overthinking about it causes me a lot of pain but it also feels like I am being told I am not worthy of a relationship. It's like other guys have the freedom of choice while I have to put it out of my mind and make myself worthy.

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yeah but maybe the writers of the Diagnostic Statistical Manual were disproportionately extroverts. emily dickenson, jd salinger, and sylvia plath allegedly were extremely reclusive. that did not stop them from being vocationally successful.

in the same way, i don't seem much of a point in sitting around talking about small talk. precious lil "people" act so judgmental. if yo do or say something they like they say "cool". if you do or say something they do not like they say "why", as if they are receptive to a good answer. but there ain't no good answer. if you do or say something they do not hear they say "huh" or "what", as if that is the etiquette equivalent of "excuse me". precious lil "people" act so innocent. they say "do you have a question", as if they have an answer. they say "are you ok?" and "may i help you?" as if they are so helpful, useful, and kind. that they can and will help you.

I sometimes wish I put a gun to my head back when I was 19 when the depression was really kicking in and splattered my brains against my room's walls.

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There were a lot of things that I profoundly regret doing in the distant past

Now that I am 34 I am afraid of failure so I do not do a lot of things

But hey you can't change the past

But I am obsessed with the past

So I have a mantra

" Here and now"

Because there might not have been any perfect alternative to the wrong actions I made in the past. But even if there were it is too late to do anything about it

So I need to concentrate on the current situation

I can't escape my feelings. I always feel empty and lost wherever I go. Even work doesn't distract me.

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Especially. Work never distracted me

Too many angry customers and employees

Too much fear of getting fired

And I was not good at the jobs I worked at. And I did not like them either

But I am not good at many things

And I have few or no job skills

And I do not like many things

And there is something wrong with everything

Kind of like how last year you could have voted Trump or Hillary, but i wanted to vote Obama

I feel like burning fluid is coursing through my head whenever I am depressed. I can't feel 100% with anything and even doing things meant to be fun I still feel depressed doing them. Whenever I wake up, my mind immediately starts with bad thoughts.

"Is having clinical depression for ten years abnormal?"
Hmm, if were selling medications, how would I answer that?

The solar system contains more convicted rapists than Nobel Prize winner in Physics.

It does not necessarily follow that the more "abnormal" activity is bad or wrong.

The depression makes me continuously look back into my past. I wish things went differently and how I would do things differently if I could go back.