Say Something Random: psychological Conditions Version

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I can't change what I am but I can change what I do

If there is no such thing as consistency, then...

Would that mean that in actuality, the version of yourself today, only lasts about a day?
Not really every minute, and not really every month or year?

And if so...
How does one be a team player to your own countless future self? How does one just forgive your countless past selves' screw up?

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Some days its like there is two independent entities in my head. One screaming at me that I'm not hungry, I don't need to eat and what I'm going to eat is going to make me feel bad, and the other one controlling my legs, walking me into the shop, picking up something desperately unhealthy and shoving it in my face.

I feel marginally better since I went to see my shrink today. Managed to get out most of what I needed to say despite dissociating but I don't do that as bad as I used to 12 months ago so at least I can go the whole session now.

My discomfort sensory related issues can be very annoying.

My language processing issues can be very upsetting.

My own stress intolerance and mind numbing boredom can be very tiring.

My own sensation of making my own imagination turn against me after immersing into several creepy scenarios can be very scary.

That time I fell down in a middle of a busy road and got chased by some dog can be very distressing.

My experience with feeling betrayed by almost all humans in existence simply because what NTs typically do; they way they speak, the way they interact -- is associated with being with the 'enemy'; which includes my immediate family and everyone that I've been with... And the suggested fact that this is NOT my world; it's theirs.
.. Is not merely upsetting, annoying, tiring, scary or distressing.

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Neurotics build Castles in the sky, Psychopaths live in them and Psychiatrists collect the Rent .

I have a hunter mentality

Wondering if it's something to do with PTSD

I struggle to understand how I can vividly remember things that actually did not happen. Like I can picture events in my head and relive them and then I snap out of it and I think "that never actually happened" but then I can't remember things that I know did happen.

It's topsy turvy to me that

Yeah I'm gonna mention it to him.

It's literally like I'm reliving something and I feel it and I'm in the memory of it and I get the anxiety and the fear but then I snap out of it and I just know that it didn't even happen.

I get what you mean though. Maybe I could put it to use some day.

Or maybe I'm remembering some kind of anxiety or fear I felt about a scenario that I was anticipating happening but it never actually happened but I'm still feeling the anxiety of it.

It's really weird

I've been getting so snuggly and warm in my bed these nights. I've never felt that before in my life. I'm wondering if it's got anything to do with me making progress with my psychotherapy

I may as well had been lying on a bed of nails before this nice feeling came along and I didn't even notice anything was wrong

That sounds Lovely .. used to spoil myself getting real fat Quilted Throws, or blankies ...Momentary Luxuries , can give .ease I think for the body and the mind , in Some ways ? Used to enjoy even covering my head with the blanket too .
Would tell me late husband .. uber years past .. That I was having a ' snugglydown' ..but that was just me.

Yeah you're right I think. I didn't realise until recently that I punish myself in various ways. I'm sort of repeating abuse in a way. So I deny myself so many pleasures in life. I put my mind and my body through hell sometimes and I won't stop until I'm in pain in one way or another. I can barely walk sometimes because of what I do to myself and this is normal behaviour for me and I didn't realise I was doing it until the last time I did it.

Anyway a small luxury I've allowed myself is to wrap up warm when I go to bed. It might be something that people do and just take for granted but for me it's a massive thing and I've found that I'm allowing myself to do this without punishing myself for it afterwards.

I think this is why I'm finding a bit of comfort at last.

Yeah because I sometimes just wanna curl in a ball and sleep and then I think I'll feel better afterwards.

When people say they have Borderline Personality Disorders what personality disorder are they on the borderline of.

I think it must be better to be all in rather than hovering about on the outskirts