Rages or Anger Anyone?
MasterJedi
Veteran
Joined: 22 Oct 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,160
Location: in an open field west of a white house
I get anger or go into a rage frequently.
I tip I learned from dbt is to stop and look at your anger. What's it doing to you? Examine it until it passes like a leaf on the wind. *whoosh*. It's remarkably soothing.
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That is my spot, in an ever changing world, it is a single point of consistency. If my life were expressed as a function on a four dimensional Cartesian coordinate system, that spot, from the moment I first sat on it, would be 0-0-0-0.
I freak out when there's too much happening around me like during my former jobs -- people moving, talking, phone, and so on. I feel it building up like heat inside of my body.
Same happens if someone comes too close to me or even touches me. Less than one arm length and i feel threatened and get all the stress, adrenalin rush, blood pressure sky rocketing, heart beating.
At my last job more than two years ago i ended up with another strange person in one room and she wouldn't stop touching my working materials. Three times i told her to leave my project alone, once while the supervisor was present. I got nervous and after i returned from the restroom she stood there at my place groping my stuff. There i freaked and said i would throw her out the window and i wish she would peg out and that she is an ugly old hag and things like that. She ran away and i was happy and released since from that day on i had my own small room to work in.
It has all to do with sensory overload and people not keeping distance even though i tell them to stay away and not to touch me. These are the only reasons i lose control. I never hit anyone or smash items but get extremely verbally abusive incl. telling them i wish they would drop dead or die a slow and cruelly death.
I losti t again with myself recently, I scratched at my face, head, eyes and chest. I've bruises on my legs and a bruised eye where I punched myself, and I tried to stab myself with a pen, but it didn't work I was in a right mess and have various other marks and bruises on myself. I'm just sick of people being nasty to me if I let myself out, and by that I mean by me letting myself shout things out and do the things I do with my head and mouth etc etc. If I cant do this I get so angry and frustrated. My GP is getting in touch with a ts specialist and going to see if he will see me. I dont think my bod can take much more of my anger though, but if I let myself out I get people having ago at me, staring, laughing, taking the piss out of me, and I feel I cannot do right for doing wrong. I feel trapped inside a small box or maze even with there being no way to escape and be able to be find a place where I can be ok for once. Anyone else here have ts or tic disorders at all who feel the same? I find I can take people being mean if I'm in a good enough mood but alot of the time I'm not because I'm so stressed at trying to keep myself locked inside tightly!
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