I am very confused if I am innocent or not

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Thank you, I understood.

I will go talk about my history of psychosis to my psychiatrist.

I no longer have that delusion anymore. It took me ten years to realize that it was my false memories.

That particular delusion that I used to have, it went away naturally.

If you commit a crime - then the person you commited a crime against (hypothetically), has to press charges against you for there to be consequences in the real world. They may have reasons for not doing that, i.e, not wanting to confront a trauma/a criminal in person. They might have things they deem more important, like study, or work.

Pressing charges against a person and a real world police investigation is a lot of burden on the prosecutors part and is time consuming. They may weigh up the pros & cons of doing this from a moral perspective, the consequences, the emotions involved etc.

If they let you off with it, you have been very lucky.

If it was a hallucination then just take your meds and forget about it.

You can prove whether or not something happened by facts and eye witness account.

Did you fly to a certain place at a certain time? Who paid for it initially - why would they do that? What motive was there for a person paying for you to fly to them? What purpose did you serve for them? Do you have photos of being with a person? Do the photos look like you are having a good time? Which person looks better presented physically/more in control? Endless questions really and which is why it's an exhausting process.

Unless you feel like you can't go on without making someone pay for their crimes - sometimes it is just not worth pursuing 'justice' for their crime. They'll often just end up in prison & then you might damage them by doing that.

Damaging people is not okay. If you don't want to be damaged by other people, you have to be consistent. Don't damage other people either.

If a person who has been victimized by a crime has compassion - then they may already realise you were mentally ill at the time of the crime. If they have compassion for mentally ill folk, then that may be the reason why you have not faced consequences for your crime.

Criminals often employ counter-claims to cover their tracks. It happens all of the time.

I have been mugged outside of a shop before (they stole my phone, but I managed to keep my wallet), I have been sexually assaulted, I have been stalked in person by someone from my real world high school for 7 years I think from about 2005 until 2012 - (a biological guy).

I have a long history of being targeted for crime. I might as well have a sticker on my forehead that says "take advantage of me".

I have never reported any crime to the police. Why? I have anxiety disorder & don't want to bring attention to myself. The process of bringing people to justice can be more traumatic than the crime itself.

Hallucinating something and doing it are completely different things

You don't get sent to jail for your dreams or hallucinations

Based on your description you are ( not guilty)

However nobody is "innocent"

Verdicts are "guilty" and "not guilty"

"Innocent" is not a verdict

It turned into a fixed, false belief, because this specific hallucination that I was talking about here felt so real.

It took me ten years to suppress this delusion.

Well I'm glad you was able to recover from that. You must feel like a weight has been lifted from you.

Thank you!

Thank you!

It was actually a very bizzare delusion, and I had some awareness of this fixed, false belief and agree with my dad, because there is no way I could just kill another child when I was a toddler, let alone carry one, it's too heavy.

He explained to me that it is impossible, because in that delusion I was taking about, I was a toddler at that time.

I did have some anosognosia, because that is the nature of psychosis, especially when it is more severe.

* talking