x_amount_of_words wrote:
I just want manic episodes
Manic episodes aren't the way they're cracked up to be. Sometimes they can feel positive, but even then they have long term consequences that you have to live with for years after the incident.
OK, so imagine this. You start off feeling very positive, full of energy and buzz, and you're very creative. As time goes on you sleep less and less, you find it harder to stop talking, and you can tell that people are getting annoyed with you. You start to feel as though you're being persecuted because you're on a special mission... you're not sure what that mission is, and it keeps you up nights worrying about it. You have about four hours sleep maximum at night, for months, some nights not sleeping at all. Because you're sleeping so little you start seeing and hearing things when you're awake. To begin with you accept they might be hallucinations, but you start to believe that the things you see and hear are really there, are bringing you messages or signs. You try to keep this to yourself at first, because you don't want people to think you're crazy. But that stops mattering as time goes on and you finally realise what your special mission is... God wants you to do something for Him (doesn't matter what, and I can't quite remember what I was thinking by this point.) As a result you start spending money to achieve this mission. The end of the world is well and truly nigh, and the sense of imminent disaster drives you to give thousands that you can't afford to charity, and random strangers, though you also buy things on impulse that you'll never use. Because the world is ending soon you take out a loan to facilitate your spending - after all, you'll never have to pay it back before the world ends. You get through money that should have provided you with security for years in a matter of months. You alienate friends and family by going on about your delusion... you're not able to hide it anymore.
Then, one day, you finally get a decent night's sleep... You sleep for maybe twelve hours, and wake up feeling rested for the first time in months. You sit up, and it begins to dawn on you that you've spent every penny you had, you're in debt up to your eyeballs, your brother won't answer the phone when you ring, the neighbours are looking at you like you're a pariah, there's no food in the house, the mess has piled up so much you have to climb over the bin bags to reach the kitchen sink, which is blocked with something completely unidentifiable, you haven't washed your hair in months, and you smell so ripe the cat won't even come near you.
Is it any wonder after an incident like this (the financial consequences of which will take me years to pay back) that people get depressed?
And, this being a not atypical example of mania, let me ask again... why would you want it?
It sounds a lot better than being depressed. I'm pretty sure I've experienced this...but more mildly.