Say Something Random: psychological Conditions Version

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I feel like my ex made the choice to be a monster so calling him one isn’t letting him off the hook in any way, but I see what you mean. I think we’re all different in how we see things and what works best for us. Part of my problem was I’d make excuses for him because of stuff like the fact that he had an awful childhood. It’s complicated to explain, and I don’t want to get too deep with it in this thread. I spent too much time rationalizing, sympathizing, and humanizing him due, in part, to the cycle of abuse at the expense of myself. Some of it is probably related to my upbringing.

Yeah no don't go into details about it. I don't think anyone needs to know to be fair to you.

I think a lot of women do what you did.

I didn't do that. I had been abused all my life so it was normal for me to be abused in a relationship. I didn't analyse it, I just accepted it like you accept breathing or eating.

It's taken me probably almost 50 years to understand that I was abused all my life. And even now sometimes I forget that I was abused and then I remember and I'm hit with it all over again. It's mad.

I'm actually OK though but that (according to my shrink) is probably down to my coping mechanism/survival technique.

Right tea time now.

My memory has been weird too although it’s gotten significantly better this past year. At this point, I feel like I’ve faced and dealt with the worst stuff, so I’m finally starting to feel a sense of closure, not that there won’t be other stuff to deal with at some point. Still, I think I’ve gotten through the worst of it. I want to explore untrodden paths and shadowy horizons. I want…more coffee.

You're doing really well TP.

So basically you're calling me a sh***y person for simply accepting the fact that psychopaths (like the one who raped my mom at 13 and brutally murdered her sister) ARE a real thing?

I'm not saying that.

I'm not saying that psychopaths aren't real either. It's a proven fact that they are. What I'm saying is that not everyone who commits the worst acts of violence are psychopaths

It's easier for me to live in a world where I'm not thinking that every second person is either a psychopath or a narcissist or a sociopath. I'm not sure if I would feel strong enough to fight if I allowed myself to think that way.

I don't think anyone can take away from you what you have experienced and I don't think it would be right for anyone to deny you your feelings for the people who did this to you and you family

I think you can think of a person who hurt you and/or your family so profoundly however feels right to you.

It’s more of a problem when people want to label everyone who engages in bad behavior (or even who they don’t like) as a sociopath, psychopath, narcissist, or whatever. It makes it harder to get at the root of societal problems. Suicide bombers come to mind although I don’t want to open that can of worms.

I've been called these things just because I'm unemotional and I struggle with empathy.

I've never murdered or raped anyone.

It's become just a word that people like to throw around and I do think it is a derogatory term. Just like the R word.

Sorry that wasn't aimed at you.

It's ok

I wish I am unemotional.

I wish I can say wholeheartedly that I struggle with empathy and outright say I do not sympathize.

Instead of being "too understanding" -- and leave me too dysregulated by feelings (mutual or not) and overwhelmed (cognitively) to socially act on it.

Having 'empathy' and the ability to sympathize does not make a better person or a human. Not really.


I myself don't want anything to do with empathy.

I'd rather be a full blown alexithymic who adheres to high standards ethics.

'Emotional connections' be damned, if I can be a friendly professional 24/7, I'd do it.

Well I'm not completely unemotional. I struggle with emotions. I struggle to pin them down and they are kind of fleeting. I used to pretend to be emotional when I was a kid but that doesn't really work because the reasons for my performance didn't really match up to my exaggerated actions. I think I used to see people crying or getting into a state over something and I just didn't get why a particular incident would lead onto a particular outburst of emotion.

Believe it or not it has been my life's work to figure all this stuff out and i'm now wondering whether it even matters

My mad stepmother used to like to accuse me of being incapable of love but she's wrong. I just didn't love her

I'm thinking that my biological mother might have passed this emotional stuntedness down to me because since I found her after all these years it seems like she's forgotten about me again and I'm feeling like I've also more or less forgotten about her all over again as well.

having studied the issue for 2+ decades, i've come to the conclusion that the rate of antisocial personality disorder [or plain-old sociopathic / antisocial behavior] is variable depending on location, that you find much more of that $#!+ in places/situations involving money, power and sex. having worked in gov't for 2+ decades, I was surrounded by those types and had to watch my back always, they were utterly conscienceless- a visiting nurse [it was an army hospital] told me "this place has got the devil in it!"

I believe that. Sociopaths are said to be drawn to positions that involve having power over others. Plus I personally believe you have functioning sociopaths too who manage to blend in well with society and may even be useful.

I think many world leaders were probably like this for better or worst because it takes a certain kind of callousness to play politics and make decisions that will ruin countless lives to achieve a long-term goal.

It's like the therapist character told the FBI agent in the show Mind Games when he asked "How can you become president of the United States if you're a sociopath?" (In regards to Richard Nixon) and the therapist explained "A better question is how do you become president if you're not a sociopath?"

I'm not saying that people with ASPD don't exist and obviously I can't say anything specfic about a criminal case I have zero knowledge of.

What I will say is that a diagnostic label didn't commit that crime, a person did. Their diagnostic label doesn't get to absorb any responsibility for that action. The vast majority of both of those crimes don't involve people who have ASPD, but when we as a society blame violent crime on 'bad people' we ignore that it's mostly 'regular people' who commit violent crimes.

If the individual responsible for those crimes has ASPD than it's probably relevant, but that doesn't mean there's any benefit to focusing on that aspect. ASPD didn't do it. Other people with ASPD didn't do it, only the person who did it did it. The more you make it about the guy's labels the less you make it about him personally.

His diagnoses only matter when it comes to how to appropriately sentence them for the crimes they were convicted of.

If you put a bunch of energy into stigmatizing people with ASPD, it does very little to the person who actually harmed you, even if they have it. The main problem is that if a large number of people are willing to stigmatize a group, it makes it far easier for people to excuse treating those people maliciously.

You're right FXE... I think I overreacted again. My apologies.