Bipolar/Aspergers support and chat thread

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I did have a phase of ultraradian cycling, for a month or so if I remember right. Eventually it was replaced by my current pattern. I think the shorter cycles were milder and in some respects easier to deal with.

I've been hearing a lot about how bipolar can be triggered from stressful events. Why is that? Sorry if I'm asking a question that can't be answered yet. But since I developed PTSD I have mood disorder symptoms that seem to be getting worse. Never mind the fact I'm on ADHD medication. I wrote a big introductory post about it. I'm sorry it's so long. It was Ritalin fueled. But I would appreciate if someone took the time and told me whether it sounded like bipolar or something else.

Interesting thing about AS/BP II just looking like normal behaviour. I usually have a strict routine particularly when it comes to getting out of bed and going to bed. When I get up at 10am consistently instead of 8am I know something is wrong. When I can shrug off a routine being disrupted something is going wrong. When my intense focus on writing becomes agonizing to just write a few lines of. When you want to go out more with friends than sit at home and be engaged in a special interest. Something is definitely up.

People say I've made a lot of progress. I talk to people more, mostly through impulses. Is it just the Ritalin or is it bipolar II? Was it the Ritalin all along that did this? I don't know. I don't really want to know. I had symptoms before going on them, even before anti-depressants.

I don't have flat effect but depression can make me depersonalise. That's the feeling of the world not being real and people meaning nothing to me. I have no feeling for them. There's also derealisation, that the environment feels unreal, somewhat fantasy-like. Mild hallucinations turn it into a world more agreeable to me. Fantastic glass city buildings, curving, domed, with spires. Cars turn into ovals with rocket acceleration. They hover. Sometimes I'm in a desert war zone. This is pretty much when my anxiety gets too great. It's not delusional. I know it doesn't really look like that. They are more like holograms.

I think I understand what people mean when they say hypomania gets to a point where they want it to stop. I call it 'unrealistic happiness.' One time it kept building that I thought I was about to have a seizure. I think I started hitting my head for some reason. My mind also can be in a state of 'unreality' to the realistic world. I'm not sure why I even feel that way. I thought I was having psychosis but can't remember it.

Being on medication 5-6 days a week I'm really not sure how my symptoms progress. I get agitated on them though and my symptoms can still exist even with my meds, if they are that bad. I seem to have this overall calmness though. Still ADHD then. I'm pretty sure I am. I can't process writing, spoken words or even do math problems without it. I hate my focus and memory problems. It's constant. Well, I can have a few good days but without meds I don't think I'll achieve much. Lately my memory problems have been getting worse. I can tell the difference between poor working memory and short term memory loss. I've had seizures that give me the latter, while it may not erase the first half of the day for me or whatever happens before a seizure, and unlike ADHD memory problems where I eventually have a recall, it never comes back. I forget the last time I've showered or brushed my teeth. It has to do with tasks. ADHD is like it gets put out of your mind but then it comes back, and you run off to complete that task. This new problem is the memory is completely lost. Maybe I'm just doing so much, preoccupied by so many thoughts that I just don't notice what I'm doing.

One last thing: exercise or any form of active movement tends to make me more hyper. This really shouldn't happen in ADHD. So I really don't know what it's about. Fish also makes me extremely hyper. I once hyper focused for 9 hours, trying to link stars/constellations with who knows what...something about alignment.

The combination PTSD and Bipolar is deffinetly more common, but you should also keep in mind that also PTSD alone can go along with moodswings. To be sure that you really have Bipolar in addition, you have to until the PTSD get's better.(I don't know how severe your PTSD is).

I had severe PTSD symptoms for nearly two years and showed all kind of symptoms in this time and also got missdiagnosed with BPD. My PTSD got better and my anger and paranoid symptoms and also my rapid cycling stoped. Now my trauma is improving since 3/4 year and I don't fit in the PTSD diagnostic criteria anymore (but still have some symptoms left) and now I behave schizoid already since months and my moodswings are still there but have cycles of several weeks or even months. I don't know for certain if I have any of this or if it's just the PTSD symptoms left and me comming to rest, because I was already missdiagnosed once. So I'm just diagnosed with recurent depression at the moment because my new psychiatrist is very carefull to sort things out.

I'm telling you this to make you aware that while you have PTSD you can develope a whole bunch of symptoms, but they usually improve or get at least better when your PTSD get's better.

Thanks. I've had PMDD before PTSD. It's a menstrual mood disorder. I don't know if it's just that and PTSD or it's getting worse.

I don't think my PTSD is that bad. I seem to had have it really intensely at first (flashbacks/paranoid anxiety) then for 3 months I was fine, then after a pretty tough two PMDD cycles it came back, and I haven't seemed to have a break from PMDD yet. I've noticed for about 4 months I've been falling into depressive states and have struggled creatively since last December. I seem to go through creative slumps. Mid last year I seemed to be doing pretty well. I'm not sure how bad my anxiety is. I don't feel that afraid right now. Haven't had nightmares or flashbacks. Been hyper for most of the day.

This is going to be very hard to work out. I just have a feeling my doctor has already decided it's not bipolar. He said maybe you are but then maybe not. He didn't know, just thought I needed structure and to be a part of some social group.

I can understand that, but on the other hand I'm certain when you show clear Bipolar symptoms like mania, you'll get diagnosed with.
Other than that you propably have to wait until your PTSD has come to rest for a while until you'll be sure what other comorbidities you might have.

I guess I'll have to wait and see. I'm dreading what's going happen if this does get much worse. My PMDD started up again, whatever that means. It never left me. I might wait until it's supposed to be over the next time. It's so hard to control without medication. I could up my Ritalin dose but who knows what that will do to me.

Some good news though is I'm getting back into my writing. I'm struggling though. I have to take breaks because the words won't come because I'm tired or whatever. I get a feeling like I should just give up which I'm trying to fight against. My main character's personality is more like what I'm going through. It's good therapy, at least.

That must have been extremely frustrating for you. I've been told that about having "normal issues" so many times in my life, it's so annoying. If you're having trouble with suicide attempts and that sort of thing surely you should be seeing a psychiatrist more regularly than every few months?? Is it that you can't afford it? (it's not subsidized for you?)

Some of what you're saying is similar to my experience. The problem with having multiple conditions is that your symptoms interact and thus present differently to standard, meaning you often get misdiagnosed or don't get diagnosed with something you do have.

I have ADHD and Bipolar and I can't function without ritalin, however ritalin triggers hypomanic symptoms in me (to resolve this I'm also on mood stabilizing medication and my ritalin dosage is low and slow release - making it less likely to trigger me). With ritalin if it is setting off mood symptoms the last thing you want to do is increase the dosage. Best thing is to reduce it to the absolute minimum you are able to take and still function. slow release instead of standard is also a really good option because it enters your system more gradually. I'm on 10mg a day currently, which is a quarter of standard dosage, but any more than that triggers me.

In terms of whether you have Bipolar or not I don't know, Raziel makes a good point about PTSD - as it is not something I am familiar with I can't comment on that. However, a lot of what you're saying sounds ominous to me/rings a lot of bells with me. When my cycling got faster and more severe I experienced an absolute mishmash of symptoms kind of like how you described. I also get things like derealization (where the external world seems unreal). The problem with seeing a standard GP about this stuff is they generally aren't sufficiently experienced in bipolar to be able to recognize more unusual cases or cases in people with a lot of comorbid conditions. To get an accurate and specific diagnosis I saw a bipolar specialist (the GP thought I was depressed, the first psyc thought I was depressed until I had a manic sort of seizure when I started taking anti-depressants (physical movement so extreme I had to be restrained)), then bipolar 2, but she didn't pick up on the rapid cycling and mixed symptoms, second psyc thought bipolar was a misdiagnosis, stuck me on antidepressants again, changed her mind but was so confused felt she couldn't help me and so sent me to the bipolar specialist, currently diagnosed with bipolar 1 ultradian/ultra rapid cycling.

Getting sidetracked but my point is you need to find someone who specializes in bipolar if your symptom presentation is abnormal/unusual. They're more likely to be able to determine whether bipolar is behind it or not because they have more experience in the field.

Sometimes the elation builds up so extreme in me (or did, when I wasn't effectively medicated) it causes me to feel like I might have a heart attack, hands shaking, heart bursting out of my chest sort of thing. I experienced "manic seizures" whenever I took any form of anti-depressant medication, or too high a dose of ritalin or other ADHD drugs. Generally the "seizure" would start with part of my body, like my hand or fingers, tapping faster and faster, and it would gradually spread over my whole body until I was moving out of control. Sometimes I was able to stop the "seizure" before it spread to my whole body by lying very very still and trying to stop the involuntary movement. Active movement speeds up and intensifies the "seizure" (makes it worse). The first "seizure" I had I didn't know this, so I started deliberately pacing about (thinking it would calm me down) and I ended up laughing uncontrollably as well, and then having ecolalia (repeating words over and over without being able to control what my mouth is doing) while simultaneously having different parts of my body spasm out of control. My parents held me down but I kept hitting myself as well.

Manic seizures sound like what happens when I exercise or just dance around. It's like I can't stop stop moving. The last time it happened I ended up laughing and hitting my head. This was on a day I wasn't medicated.

I usually take 10mg Ritalin IR so it's probably not the best. I can sometimes get appetite suppression so I keep the dose low. It has a calming effect which is a relief but I tend to get overstimulated on a low dose, just because of hormones interfering in PMDD. Those times I took a higher dose I didn't get that. But I don't think I'll take anything higher than 15mg a day. Sometimes I can't even make my own meals without Ritalin so I take a low 5mg dose.

Last month I think I was hyper for a week and a half despite taking Ritalin. It was really hard to stay on task. Then it was gone. I got some really depressive symptoms and the environment around me wasn't helping. Another friendship lost when I realised how nasty they were so it wasn't a complete loss. There had been a couple of people I got into arguments with that ended my relationship with them or risked the relationship and there was no reason to. My BP II/ADHD friend and I got into some serious blood baths (verbally) before she got on the right medication. The last time I got into a disagreement it was with someone I didn't want to lose so I just got as far away from them while I was like that.

Thanks for your post. I guess I should look up some bipolar specialists in my area.

Well I call them "manic seizures" for want of a better word. Not really sure how else to describe them. I'm on ritalin LA as well (I think we're taking the same amount of the same med haha), but the other drugs I'm on (epilim, seroquel, lamictal, etc) help regulate the effect of it. Definitely good to get on a mood stabilizer for symptoms like those you describe. The main two are valproate (epilim) and lithium, but valproate tends to be more effective than lithium for rapid cycling. I tried lithium and it didn't work on me.

Here I found that about the differences of Bipolar and PTSD :
http://www.bipolarworld.net/Phelps/ph_2002/ph836.htm

My experience with PTSD is, that it get's highly complicated when you have other psychiatric comorbidities to work things out, so long the PTSD hasn't come to rest. PTSD can also mimic a whole bunch of other disorders in my experience, but also cause new once or worsen them. So treating the PTSD is very important, but when there is a bipolar suspicion, I would suggest mood stabalizers.



I'm totally used to that, that psychiatrists who aren't that experiences don't even have a clue what's going on and usually are not even close.
The mix symptoms and tell me I would have symptoms I don't and so on.
I'm not 100% certain about everything I have (or might have), but at least I developed a pretty good clue in what directions it might go and also spotting if the psychiatrists talking to me has at lest some knowledge or not.
I'm by my new psychiatrist since approx. 3/4 year and since that time I'm out of the traumatic environment and mostly calm. The old psychiatrist didn't even belief me and everything is a mess and in the end when she found out that I could be right, she freaked out and kicked me out and even told me that she didn't thought it would be necessery to read old diagnostic reports about me.


So, when things might get worse, I might also go to a bipolar specialist, but other than that I'm doing better now (not totally fine) and I guess that's the most important thing for now. Also that I calm down further and rest from the PTSD. Especially psychiatrists can trigger my PTSD very easily (my trauma happened in the psych ward, were they didn't wanted to let me go out and I freaked out because of being claustrophobic and they didn't belief me and just continued to keep me locked. ). That's why I'm clad that it works so well with my new psychiatrist at the moment. I have a big trust issue with psychiatrists and so on since then.

PTSD probably doesn't come with hypomania though? Although I used to think I got so stressed by something that I'd have a seizure then I'd be hyperactive the next day. More than my usual amount. I'd blurt things out that were rude and people would laugh. I'd have a lack of awareness and not have any interest in what people say. It could related to the seizure. I'm just not sure now.

I don't need to have a seizure for that to happen though. I can wake up like that or it'll just hit me, usually in the early evening. There's a lot more of it without meds unless I'm depressed. I could start out one morning depressed and then be hyper by the evening and vice versa.

I don't know if it is PTSD as my psychiatrist didn't even do any assessment to find out. I've always been afraid of people. When I was 14 a drunk came into the house and since then I've been afraid to answer the door on my own. For the first 5-6 months I felt safe for the first time in my new town. Then one night when I was experiencing some lack of self esteem socially the next day I pretty much wanted to walk in the middle of the road to die. I was severely depressed and walked in the rain home. Tried to take a shortcut and almost got mugged by people I knew beat someone up for their money. I saw it on the news the day before.

I mean I got the flashbacks badly for a few months. They come back from time to time but aren't as clear. I've had nightmares since the drunk man came into my home.

News stories can trigger the anxiety but sometimes I wonder if my usual fear was just made worse.

No, PTSD doesn't go along with hypomania, but with moodswings who are very common in PTSD patients and can look very simmilar to Bipolar sometimes, that's why it is difficult to sort things out especially when you aren't a clear cut case.
When you aren't sure, the best thing you can do is to get a second opinion.

i am at this time battling to come to terms with a massive change in my life.
14 years ago i was dianosed with bipolar 1, my pdoc has been conducting dianostic interviews for the past month and yesterday he overturned my bipolar dx, seems he is placing me in the autism spectrum. 56 years and trying to come to terms with this, does explain a lot, far more than a dx for bp ever did.
i don't think for one minute that my experience is unique but i am hoping it will help me to share it with others who may know how i might get through the transition from bp to aspie.

Interesting misdiagnosis to get. I always thought BP1 is when you have full mania and delusions. I'm unsure how a doctor could mistake an ASD for that. Maybe I just have a limited view of BP1.

hey pensive
for some reason the powers that be claim to have witnessed me in the throws of mania after undergoing several bouts of ect. psychosis was put into the mix via subjective statements from my wife. when the bp dx was made i wasn't in a fit state to query it. for 14 years i believed i was stable due to lithium, now would seem it did wonders for my depression which didn't respond to anti d's. i just went along with the dx until a few weeks ago when my new pdoc questioned it. now seems i might have an asd whilst suffering non-responsive depression and anxiety.
so there you have it, thats how i was bp 1 for 14 years? have to say that i too find it hard to believe they could have gotten me so wrong!! !