Bipolar/Aspergers support and chat thread

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the fear of being normal I understand.

It's more of a fear of being dull. I don't know if I have normal moods but there is a time when I'm not experiencing the highs and lows but don't really know what to do. I don't have that emotional want to do something yet I don't have the usual negative thoughts. I feel like I need extreme moods to even feel like I have moods. Otherwise I won't have that drive to get anything accomplished.

And I get all the intense highs and paranoia and uncontrollable rages too.

My normal mood could well be depression before it gets too severe and I might not be having normal moods at all.

I do know I need help but every time I ask for it something happens that makes it feel more distant than it is. And then the mania hits and I feel like I don't need help anymore.

well I don't know what to say except to say the only side affects I experienced is weight gain . I just think it's sad people are missing out on treatment they need I would have recovered many many years ago if my family didn't hard wire in to my sick mind that conventional medicane was "evil" no what is evil is when the Tom Cruisers of this world express their misinformed "opinions" frightening people in to taking these meds.

I'd just be happy if the Creeper was run over by a bus .

I understand the "dull "part aka stable in my "unstable" times I used to have friends, now I know they where not laughing with me but at me.

Once you get correctly medicated you will understand.

I don't think medicine is evil but I've never really had just the one side effect. They tend to come in clusters and have been pretty bad ones. Maybe I've just been on all the wrong meds for someone with a mood disorder.

Just going to see another doctor seems like such an impossible task for me.

I find it astonishing how the people who go on about the evils of medication are the people who never have to take it. I have to point this out to a lot of people. There is a massive difference between taking medication for a mild case of depression, and taking medication for rapid-cycling bipolar disorder with psychosis. I'm not trying to demean anyones illness. But quite frankly, being hospitalized is worse than having to take medication daily and staying functioning. i tried coming off my meds last December. That didn't end well. I did in fact, end up in hospital after a suicide attempt.

I also call BS on the big evil pharma theory. Because my meds are provided and paid for by the NHS. Who are in debt. And so, so much is being cut lately that them paying for 29 meds so big pharma can make profits just doesn't seem realistic.

I also love how some people call it a "socialist health system" and then have no clue how it works, and honestly believe that they can ignore medical warnings and still get all the healthcare they need at the taxpayers expense. Meanwhile, psychiatry is being cut. I really wish they would do something about responsibility. People ignoring medical advise such as "you need to loose weight you're suffering from diabetes" is not "fatphobic." But of course, when complications occur, the taxpayer must pay...

sorry I exaggerate with "recover: more like "improve" I get carried away sometimes and it's very strange as i'm still improving well beyond the rec times, I shall see where it leads me.....

I'll ask my GP (I doubt it's common) can one fully recover from "severe" anxiety.

or you could just be bad luck , Paxil (aropax in Oz) is meant to be a rough one for some people though the only side affect for me is weight gain

I know several people who smoke even after having treatment for breast cancer and hasn't even bothered to try to give up these people deserve to die. Is giving up smoking harder than suffering the kick back from the early stages of a new med ? The Paxil was rough, I shudder to think if I have to come off it one day ....

well stick it out ? they can go away you know ...

I was on Aropax. The worse side effect was an increase in sensory sensitivity leading to more meltdowns which eventually led to having seizures. After I went off anti-depressants things started to get worse for me. It wasn't the fact that I went off it's what happened before I went off. Anxiety started to return and I went from having no anxiety to a staggering amount. My mood disorder symptoms hadn't returned yet. That may have taken another 6 months since going off the meds.

I think Paxil can trigger hypomania in some people though.

One concern I have is medication will make me less functional. Motivation can be hard for me to come by now but when it does there's an intense emotion applied to it, and I just don't know what I'll do without that. I'm capable of talking to people now and something tells me on meds I would hardly care about doing that. When I have a clear calm mind there's nothing. I feel like I have no personality.

It's hard to deal with the symptoms but as long as I don't overdo drinking alcohol and stay away from drugs, I think I'll be able to get through it. I've never needed to be hospitalised nor do I think I will kill myself, even though I do get those thoughts.

I suppose I just think that no one is actually going to help me. I just wish I didn't have to deal with it.

^^^

I had suicide thoughts yeah right just a problem for young adults hence why it's not recommended for that age group and than some...

Update:

I'm losing control. I want medication. Going to call my doctor and then curl into the foetal position if one simple appointment cannot be booked.

good though stick it out I once had a "friend" who's on the pension who doesn't want to go on them again due to past bad experiences, it's sad he could become a new man.

Hypomanic. Officially. And heck, they know it. That person for the assesment was looking at me today oddly. I wasn't able to focus because my thoughts were screaming at me and I wanted to bounce all over the room and it took all my effort to stay still and not scream as loud as I could. I've written s**t loads. I'm sleeping two hour nights.

And she looked at me and asked if my meds had changed.

Yes. They have. I'm taking more of the antidepressant. And she's not happy cos I'm not seeing the other pdoc to get them changed for another month.

Went from a rather long (for me) severe depression to hypomania.
One of my impulsive purchases arrived today (a statue of Donkey Kong) and I've been taking photos of it to show to others. I love it even though it was a waste of money.

I think I've only had a couple of hours of sleep a night. Today I was ok about getting up at 7am to feed my cat but most mornings it felt like too much for me.