Bipolar/Aspergers support and chat thread

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Today was supposed to be a better day. I had a huge plan in place to get the best out of this bright and shining (at least outside) day. But then even though I got up early to feed the cat she still peed in the shower and I put her outside while ranting about her the whole time to no one really. I was kept awake last night by my sister on what seems like night 535 of her manic drunk binge. I'm really surprised she hasn't become ill from all the alcohol she has consumed, and then to top it off my friend posts one video on Facebook with one ignorant comment that just makes me lose all confidence in myself.

So I haven't got enough sleep, I'm stressed out, I hate all cats and I already feel like a failure before I've tried to do anything. And I'm feeling a bit ill and run down in my body too.

^^^^^

does heat etc affect you ? it's wasn't untill I got on the meds that I came to the realisation what triggers my nervous system , I read it can be bad for anxiety disorder, I wont by an aircon till I'm working (part time) you see you can claim a allowance if you need to manage a health complaint , though I'm to to claim I get to much welfare as it is so when I become revenue netural to the government I will make the claim ie no more payment from Centrelink yet still recieve discounts for electricty etc . I can work up to 30 hours a week (though the horrible Howard governemnet reduced it to 15 hrs for new appicants I just hope they don't make the new laws retrocepctive )

The heat and cold affects me. But today it's just my damn hormones. The hormone imbalance can be even worse than bipolar symptoms, particularly when you have both occurring at the same time. I usually cope a lot better when the PMDD goes away for a few weeks. Depression on PMDD always leads to suicidal thoughts then an all too brief hypomania, but without PMDD I can distract myself from becoming too depressed. I'm going to see what happens when these symptoms go away for a little while.

^^^

well it may be the hot /cold cycle, I wasn't sure if the "cold" affected me now I realise it's in fact the cycle from one extreme to the other it's one of the reasons I don't cycle for pleasure any more sweat - wind-heat . In fact I read for anxiety cool weather is best Ballarat is sounding mighty nice to me right now and only 1 hour by train from civilization .

Can't speak for depression as I don't have it

It seems even the simple task of waking up early to feed my cat to make sure she makes no messes in the house, is stressing me out so severely I feel run down before my day has even begun. There's a gigantic level of ignorance of my housemates to my own deteriorating health that isn't helping any. It's been five nights since I've had a good night's sleep. Before that it wasn't perfect but I wouldn't struggle to fall to sleep, wake up at 4am and then find it hard to get back to sleep.

I was so overstimulated yesterday it was painful to be in the same room with people and then late at night had a panic attack because I didn't recognize the knock at front the door. Was having slight hallucinations too.

I don't know what to expect today. I don't think I'm getting any better. I'm going to try and do some writing though.

I think maybe it was a bad decision to go off ADHD meds even if I can eat, not have a blood sugar crash 1000 times a day, not feel like my heart would explode, be comfortable in my own skin and not have 20 manic episodes a month.
I guess it was a good decision I went off them but I just feel like I need to take something to better cope with stress.

^^^

I can relate with what you wrote in the early morning when i'm 1/2 woken in bed my Mom will call me and I cant tell if it's real or in my head she gets frustrated , seriously sick that young people do drugs to chase these sorts of "experiences" seriously how ^&*((^ up is that ?

The stupidity of youth , they say youth is wasted on the young do they or did I just make that up.

I can see clearly again. The world is a much brighter and beautiful place.
That was my longest depression ever. About 7 days, lol.

I'm hypomanic again but I don't know what to do with all this energy and all these ideas and a few things could go in the trash but I don't want to do that.

I'm even going out tomorrow night.

Oh. And my mum said she will book my doctor's appointment. Every time I call the receptionist just jerks me around.

what would it be like having depression + anxiety

sunlight = good for depression


sunlight = often bad for anxiety.


what is one supposed to do

Sunlight = bad for my skin.
Avoid!

I often have depression and anxiety together and there's not really much I can do about, apart for trying to focus on something so I can be distracted by it.

I hadn't thought about that , it could go from one to the other, I guess I assumed you had both at the same time.

I'm feeling depressed as f**k. Again. And hypomanic credit card spending seemed to have triggered fraud detection on my account. So what did they do? Locked it out. I had to call them up and explain that yes, the multiple purchases made on MMO's and downloading games from Steam, were in fact, me. But could they please cancel those purchases as I cannot afford them? The woman at fraud detection thought that was a bit odd.

I've also restarted my tumblr. I had to delete my old one due to the fact I was getting harassed by social justice warriors (I mean, apparently the fact that I'm a white, middle class european girl who's also cisgender and heterosexual is proof that I am in fact lying about my mental illnesses and makes it an okay excuse to send death threats? I do not get some people.)

I'm depressed too. Again. I almost didn't survive my last episode. I felt like both my mental and physical health was deteriorating.
I was meant to see a band live. A band I grew up listening to in the 90s. I wasn't a huge fan but my hypomania really enjoyed looking forward to the gig. I just wanted to rock out and have a good time. But people around me just decided to forget about it. I don't know where the f*** my sister is or why things constantly slip her mind. Should I just self-medicate so I can just f*** off somewhere and forget what promises I made someone? No. Because I will never do that. I tried to be ok about it, because you know, I expected it was a possibility, but now I feel really let down.

Now I'm listening to a band that my hypomania really enjoyed too but I can't see them live yet and they've not announced that they will play any shows in my area.

And I want to see my musician crush but the stupid band he is in just finished a tour so I have to wait ages for them to announce another show close to me, if they ever do that again. And does he even like me or not, or will he ever talk to me or not? And why do I care so much? I should focus all my attention on writing this great sci-fi story in my head but I really just want to go out and see live bands. I want more people to like my photography so I don't feel like a complete failure.

And I just really really really want some medication. My next doctor appointment isn't until mid/late December so I'm going to go through another month of this. And what if he just says the regular BS? You need to work to have order and you need to keep yourself busy. I doubt my moods will just level out because of that. My moods will make doing that so much harder if anyone ever gave me a chance to work a regular job.

Oh well, least I didn't get drunk or spend a bunch of money.

^^^
I was surprised disability support agency where quite decent and understanding eg when I told her I wont take public transport for work but instead ride my bicycle she new right away it was related to the flicker through the glass etc. Time to get that air con....

Well, I 'm sick today so I'm tryign to dwell on my moods less, though hey are still happening.
I've been playing video games all day.
I can't wait to have the house all to myself for a few hours tonight.

It just doesn't get any easier. Even when I'm sick in bed I have to think these stupid suicidal thoughts, calm down for a moment and then feel bad about having those thoughts. There's been about 3-4 people in this house and no one has seemed to give a f*** about me and my sister is usually fussing over me when I'm sick. Is it just the depression that makes me think they don't care? I suppose I also feel like I'm going to starve to death because I'm not well enough to leave the house and buy myself food.

I'm just going to watch TV and hope this mood changes.