Mother with Narcissistic Personality

Post Reply New Topic

My heart goes out to you, namaste.

Like so many others in this thread, I recognise something of my own mother (and my father too) in all this. My mother's main schtick is sucking away my autonomy with suffocating "helpfulness," but she indulges in some of the others too. I had chronic fatigue syndrome for three years. I eventually found out I could push it into remission if I quit drinking coffee and some other things. When I moved to my own place, she gave me a coffee maker for a housewarming gift.

I am one of eight children: five alcoholics, one with a different drug dependency, six depressives, two with AvPD, two with NPD, one with an anxiety disorder. I have joked that the reason my parents had so many children was that they were hoping they'd eventually get one they liked.

There have been five marriages among us (one twice) and four divorces. One married a woman with an IQ about thirty points below his, who had an alcoholic father (I don't know much else about him) and whose sister was a prostitute with NPD. One married a woman with both Borderline PD and Aspergers. One married a woman with NPD. One married a very nice man who adores her even though she abuses him. One is alienated from his son.

My mother complains about not having more grandchildren (although there are eight). I don't want to put any more links in the chain of toxicity. One of my nieces grew up healthy. Two are getting professional help, and it's done both a world of good. It makes me happy to think of that.

My father complains about all his children being failures. Sometimes it sounds like gloating.

I know that my parents had their personality disorders handed down to them through their own parents' twisted behaviors. I try not to hate them, but much of the time I do.

I don't think "Schizoid" means much. It's been dropped from the latest DSM. If you're a loner and don't have any extra problems to go with it or ASD, that's not any kind of disorder. Before Asperger's was very well known, a lot of Aspies were diagnosed as Schizoid. So were people with AvPD. Psy workers missed them because most didn't know to look for it. That takes pretty nearly everybody out of the Schizoid category.

To my thinking, you don't need major talent to be an Aspie. All you need is a modest amount of autism. Classical autistics went through a long period of being nonverbal or nearly nonverbal (my criterion, not something the classifiers say). You might know that the latest DSM folded Aspergers into Autism Spectrum Disorder because people spread all the way through one to the other with lots of variations in both. They're probably the same thing or the same dozen things.

All the same, I'll go on using the term Aspergers. Aspergers Aspergers Aspergers.

And here I just thought mom acted the way she did because she had post-partum depression and we never bonded!

When really she's just a narcissistic b****. Well, I already knew the witch with a b part. All the stuff in the article makes sense to me. I can see those times now that mom would do something to hurt my self esteem just for her own benefit and I cringe. I was the scapegoat and my brother was the golden child, of course. He still can do no wrong.

I can barely stand to socialize with my mom but do so when I need because of my daughter. She's actually good to her and loves her like she never loved me.

Psychiatry is highly subjective, what to dx and when. Personality disorders just describe behaviour. There is no blood test or any other objective test to proof their validity.

The Narcissist parent is known to dote on one of his/her kids and treat that kid with "unconditional" love to the exclusion of the other kids.

This sounds like my mom AND my ex.

Thanks, Freud.

Same here. This gene pool ends with me.

Some times I wonder if I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome because of the stressful upbringing I've had and trying to cope with my Mother. I am always super alert and just on the edge ready for fight or flight. I find it very hard to unwind. I am always tense which tires me out I think.

My cruel mother died last summer. The chain of cruelty has ended. My children are being raised in love and contentment and acceptance. One sad thing about her death is that there is now no hope of her changing and becoming a good caring mother and grandmother. I try not to dwell on this.

I've cut contact with my mother, possibly permanantly. Part of it was because of ongoing and historic abuse directed towards myself. However a lot of it was the realization that she is just a cruel, callous, manipulative person to others as well - this may be directed towards people she hasn't even met and has no knowledge of - so it has nothing to do with me or my aspergers, my personality or anything else. Unfortunatly 2 of my sibs now do not want much to do with me. One is Golden Boy so no surprises there....

I'm not 100% certain if the gene pool has ended with me in my case. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a Narcissist in denial. My siblings look fine, though. They certainly have their heads screwed on straight.

Sigh..this is my mom to a t. I was the golden boy growing up, and my sister was the scapegoat. Many of my current issues are a result of her psychopathic manner of raising me. Analyzing it now she's just a narcissistic b**** who thinks she's better than everyone in my immediate family.

This is my mother, every word describes her.

I hate you carmen

my dad is the best at acting like an angel infront of guests but plays the tough guy act when you're alone .. whimps

I went no contact with my mother seven years ago. My mother and I never bonded. I remember no special attention or kindness from her, she always downplayed, ignored or just plain ruined anything good in my life. She was extremely jealous of my dad and I and always was trying to put a wedge between us. She shut me out of any family functions, would tell everyone she had invited me but I did not want to come,. in reality I had never been invited. She always managed to come between everyone and stir up trouble and then just back off and act innocent and amazed at the friction that she herself had caused. I never once remember my mother brushing my hair, dressing me up, or showing me any attention at all. She wanted me away from her and especially away from my dad. I never knew what personality or mood she would be in from one visit to the next. She treated my two older brothers like kings, They can do no wrong. She would always give me that smirk of hers when displeased with me, I knew for sure my payback was coming and I never knew when, just that it would. She could turn on the sweet Baptist mother like a switch and turn back to the mean hateful b***h just as fast, and do it so easily , it just depended on who was watching or listening. She put me down to all the other members of the family, always wanted me to be looked down on and she took great pleasure in seeing me hurt. When after 50 years of this my dad got sick, she shut me out of his hospital stay and sudden death. She shut me out of his funeral totally and just humiliated me at the most painful moment olf my life. This is when and why I went NC and I will never ever speak to her again, may she rot in hell!

This describes my mother to a tee. She was the meanest most hateful person I have ever known, I knew from childhood that she hated me and was so jealous of my relationship with my dad. She destroyed this relationship as well as my relationship with other family members, all so she would come out smelling like a rose. If I had a favorite doll or pet it would just magically disappear. She shut me out of all family functions and holidays which she herself would hold at her home, no way she would ever let anyone else have a holiday dinner so she could maintain control over the guest list. She would get so mad if I brought a dish that my dad liked and he commented on it. YOu could just see her do a slow boil, and I knew she would get me back later. I have such hatred for her now , there were no memories of her brushing my hair or teaching me how to take care of my body. She never showed up for school functions, never took me shopping, did not show up for my wedding or birth of my only daughter. She has never visited my home , called to see if we were ok , or even put pictures of me or my family in her home,. My two older brothers were treated like kings, she bought them anything they wanted, cars , new homes, property. etc. as long as they treated me like crap they were rewarded. Her home looks like a museum with pictures everywhere of their lives. She always managed to stir up something but then back off and play her sweet southern Baptist act , sitting in the front of the church and pretending to be a saint. I often question god as to why I was given to a mother who hated me, and not to the millions of mothers that truly wanted a daughter. I loved my dad so much but she managed to come between us and she finally shut me out of his death and funeral, we have not spoken since and I have no intention of ever seeing her again. It has been seven years and I replay the hurtful moments over and over in my head. I see the pleasure on her face and her smile smirk as she was destroying any happiness I ever had. She could ignore, downplay and just ruin all good moments in my life. I see now how much effort she put into destroying me , it was not a one time thing or just an occasional hurt as happens sometimes between mothers and daughters, it was cold calculated mean hatefulness that she relished. I hope she rots in hell and hopefully the same god that gave me to her will treat her with as much compassion and empathy as she showed me. I also have such hurt toward my dad now because I see now he allowed her to hurt me to keep peace in the family. She was more important than me and she let me know it. Anyone who has a mom like this should go no contact because she will hurt you until she takes her last breath, it brings her so much pleasure.

I wished a prayed for a new mommy growing up , I wished she had given me away to someone else instead of destroying me. She took great pleasure into hurting me and could not stand to see me around my dad whom I loved so much. She loved to backstab and belittle me to anyone who will listen. She finally destroyed my relationship with him and I see now her putting me down to people justified why she did not treat me like a mother should, of course it was my fault I was such a bad child . I hate her so much and when she shut me out of my dads death and funeral I decided to go No contact with her. I recommend this to anyone who has a bad mother to just cut and run. She will never change and I will not give her another opportunity to take please in my pain. She made sure I could not even tell my dad goodbye and I will definitely not be there for her funeral. She is like a snake to me, I always knew she would strike and bite when I let my guard down.