Self-disorders: A cause of poor insight in schizophrenia?

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I did not learn to speak coherently until age thirty-two because of the wrong hormones. I lost out on my whole life because of these conditions. It is hard to not think about it every day. Maybe I am nusiance now on WP.

I don't think that there is a 100% possibility to be sure and in my case I think other reasons are the case and one problem are my developmental issues and the othere once are my Transsexualism. If I wouldn't be convinced about that fact I wouldn't write in an autism forum.

A few years back, I did wonder if all my dysfunctions weren't just related to my gender dysphoria and I set out to gather evidence on the matter. What I found was not at the time encouraging. I saw, that like Raziel, I had a speech delay and severe language disorder and moderate articulation disorder that persisted into Kindergarten. I also saw things like there was confusion in my thought processes, a highly focused thought process, etc. I also saw problems with thought disorder that were captured on testing. Later, I saw mentions of issues like "perseveration & obsessive thoughts" as well as "difficulty making transitions."

My behavior was also very disruptive, and I was very oppositional, which was something you more commonly see in boys.

I was:
1) shy
2) quiet
3) daydreamer


So a lot like autistic girls. The only dsruptive and oppositional like behavior I showed started later and was:
1) puberty
2) or in reallity paranoia


So I guess as a child my behaviour was pretty much that of an autistic girl and my thought disorders even continued after the hormonal treatment, name change and sex reasignment surgery and had nothing to do with that. The only thing that really changed after the hormonal treatment and so on was that I felt more confortable in my body, but all my other problems stayed mostly the same.

... but my pathological personality profile is slightly more "male" with schizotypal being pretty much equaly in males and females and paranoia being slightly more common in males.

Some aspects that don't fit autism: I can be totally clueless at times and at other times I can have a far sharper understanding of the situation than others around me. I can also be charismatic, it seems, and I am a good speaker, if I have thoroughly rehearsed what I was going to say beforehand. At work, I can speak with authority and have never had to deal with insubordination, even though I work in a technical department outside the main area of management.

Then again, that EASE source also says that self-disorders "fluctuate" over time, so that may be what it is.

I was looking at this item in the EASE:

There seems to be a similar description in the BSABS:



http://schizophreniabulletin.oxfordjour ... nsion.html

I may have something similar or the same. When I try to engage in activity that requires full, sustained concentration and attention, I have a tendency to slip into my thoughts. I'm trying to remember what I think during those times; sometimes, I think about an interest (which I guess makes it not "completely insignificant"), but sometimes I will think of something really weird and random, like I mentioned in no. 5 here:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp5885489.html#5885489

I can sometimes have the urge to say and think something really weird while thinking hard about something; like, I was driving and thinking about something, then I thought and said, "America is the greatest country in the world," almost like I was possessed, and it had nothing to do with what I was thinking about. I then had to focus to continue my line of thought.

Other times, when I'm at work on the computer, I will see a place I was in in the past and get an aroma of it, a kind of nostalgia. That may not count, though, because it's not "emotionally neutral," due to the aroma. Nevertheless, it certainly seems like a "surrealistic thought." Sometimes, this breaks my concentration, as my mind tries to connect it with my work.

I remember doing the name 12 vegetables/animals test, and after the first few, I started to struggle (as I usually do on these types of tests), and my mind kept drifting away. It was like the thought kept getting smaller and more distant as other thoughts started to intrude, and I was struggling to "re-embody" the thought, to jump back in it. The process was fatiguing.

I notice that when I work at a job as like a cashier, even though I'm really good at computers, I tend to be slow and the job gets both physically and mentally tiring. I think a lot of the issues above interfere with my successful performance of jobs like that; nevertheless, I've been able to find other jobs where I've succeeded.

I may experience thought interference from time to time, causing mild impairment, and I think I've had it for several years, as long as I can remember.