Bipolar/Aspergers support and chat thread

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Wow, that's awesome!

I know people who drink on medication and it doesn't really seem to help them. Nobody told me to to drink on SSRI's or stimulants and I'd get drunk more quickly. Now I can barely handle alcohol, though I'm not sure if the two are related. Absinthe sounds like heavy stuff to me. I think it's very hard to get in this country too.

Was up until 3 or 4am and was still wide awake when I decided to sleep. I wrote and read loads. Was happy I could get to the end of this chapter, but I'm less motivated today and less structured. I bought my cat a Christmas outfit too last night when I could barely focus on sitting on a couch and watching TV.

I'm not sure what today will be like. I think I'll be mixed. This is probably the first manic episode I've had where I didn't trigger it with alcohol or drugs or coffee or anything like that.

Absinthe is not heavy at all. It's all the ridiculous mythology around it. It doesn't contain any hallucinogenic chemicals or anything like that. It's very strong alcohol, but you're supposed to dilute it in 1 part absinthe to 5 parts water and drink it very slowly. It has a secondary effect due to the herbs used to make it, but that effect is only that you remain wide awake and your thoughts become very clear, and it can stimulate creative thoughts. (Actually, all alcohol does that, but because most alcohol makes you groggy or sleepy, it doesn't help.) It has a complex flavor that I really love, and it's a good boost when I'm doing creative things. It's not something I would get drunk from.

I'll have to talk to my other friends on antidepressants and ask about alcohol. I'm sure I've seen them drink. I'm not looking to go out and get wasted, but the thought that for the rest of my life I have to be one of those people who watches my friends get drunk while I say "no thank you, I don't drink" sounds like it would suck the life out of social situations. Alcohol also dulls my senses enough that I don't get meltdowns from all the noise and lights and people and all that when I'm out with my friends, so it's actually pretty important in that way, when used sparingly. Without it, I'm quite sure I won't be able to go to parties anymore, or even small social events with friends, because it's just too much for my system to handle.

I'm not taking the pills today, anyway. As I said, I'll wait until after the weekend. That will give me time to talk to my friends about their experiences.

To be fair, the doctor didn't say that alcohol would be dangerous with these pills. He only said I shouldn't drink because alcohol is a depressant, which would fight against the antidepressants. He didn't say what the result would be. But if it just means they don't work as well when I'm drinking, that's kind of not a big deal. I really don't need this medication anyway, except to prevent serious episodes. Most of the time I am just fine without medication.

I could check the information on the drug to find out about dangerous interactions, but he told me quite clearly that I should not read any info on this drug for at least the first two weeks of using it, because the placebo effect is too strong when it comes to the side effects. If I read about the medicine, I'll surely get every side effect possible. He said just take it, don't worry about it. Any (non-major) side effects that happen in the first few days, don't worry about. If they continue longer than that, then maybe we need to try a different medication.

Venlafaxine, (I think it's known as Effexor in the US,) my mother's on it. It's not an SSRI, it's from a different group of antidepressants can SNRI. I don't think she's allowed to drink alchohol on it either.

And watch your mood if you're on antidepressants without a mood stabilizer. Antidepressants can send some people with bipolar disorder manic. It might just be a problem with SSRI's (I don't know), but just keep an eye on things, and first sign of mania, go back and get help before it gets out of control.

Yes, he told me to watch myself carefully, and if anything seems to be going wrong, to let him know immediately and we'll change medication. I was really quite surprised that he doesn't prescribe lithium. I thought that was the standard. I asked him if this medication would prevent mania as well as depression, since while the depression is unpleasant, in my case it's not dangerous, and it's really the mania that I want to keep away. He said it should even me out pretty well, and if it doesn't, we'll try something else.

But the more I think about it, the more I want to just wait before starting it until after my trip to the USA. I want to be able to have a glass of champagne or something at my sister's wedding. I want to be able to have some wine, get drunk with my sister who I haven't seen in ages. I'm not in any dangerous condition now. I'm fine. So I think it's safe to wait a few weeks before I start.

I'm in the UK, so it probably is different where you are, but over here, Lithium really is a last resort medication, and they pretty much won't prescribe it until they've tried other things.

It is your choice when you start, but it won't have an immediate effect. If there is any, it'll take a few weeks or so before you notice any change on the new meds. And although I agree with the whole placebo thing, make sure you at least look at the "Discontinue and get medical attention immeadiatly" list of side effects before you take them.

Well, the dangerous side effects are always the same, the severe ones. If I'm nauseous or dizzy or something, I won't worry about it, but if I start feeling something that seems like it could be serious, I'll have a look at the possible side effects to make sure it's not something to panic over, or just call the doctor directly.

Actually, the package information is probably only in Czech. I'd have to find it online.

You're telling this to someone who gets hypomanic after one beer and manic after one glass of red wine/ cider/ everything else.
Alcohol doesn't make me groggy but gives me all the usual manic symptoms. For this reason I stay away from the strong stuff.

Basically, on anti-depressants you get drunk quicker than if you weren't on them. You should look up serotonin syndrome.
Before I even knew about bipolar or that I could have it I would only have a few drinks on anti-deps because it basically felt like drinking twice as much, it almost like mania. You don't know when to stop.

However, some of us might be more or less reactive to the effects of alcohol.

Yeah, I've never had a problem with alcohol. Its main effect on me is to make me even more talkative than I already am (my friends are used to that, no big deal) and to reduce my hypersensitivity so I can handle noise and people without a meltdown.

I'm really, really, really not looking forward to not being able to do that.

I wish it wasn't necessary to be permanently medicated. I wish I could just wait until something bad happens and take a tranquilizer or something to make it stop, but tranquilizers didn't work last time, and apparently mood stabilizers and antidepressants take a long time to work.

I feel like I'm giving up an enormous portion of my social life just in case something bad happens in the future, even though everything is totally fine right now. It's very frustrating.

I want to die today. I probably won't do anything but I'll keep feeling like doing it.

I just have my sister in my head telling me don't self-diagnose , don't put so many limits on yourself, it's ok I will take care of you.

No. I don't trust her undermedicated bipolar a***. She says one thing one day making me feel like sh** and the next day saying something completely opposite. When she says she'll do things for me the next moment she disappears for 4 days and comes back either on drugs or drunk as f**k. I hate her and I hate living here. She's a f***ing narcissitic control freak.

But worst of all is thinking of those people I'm yet to meet and get to know and thinking they probably don't like me anyway. The day I find out it's true is when I end my life. Just how much time and energy and anxiety I've wasted on them. Sure they can always be sad about a friend who took their own life but nobody really goes to the length to make a person like that feel welcome while they're still alive.

And does anyone even give a sh** about my blog? I'm trying to make people care who don't care, not because they're not aware but they don't care.

I've gone from depression to madness. It's the only way to describe it. I'm so amped up right now and still angry and depressed but I'm energetic with a 'couldn't give a f**k' attitude. I think I'll do some more writing. Not for the blog because I feel like going off on a rant.

Appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow if it doesn't go to plan then I'm going to go back to self-medication for awhile and then find another doctor, which I have mentioned before gives me panic attacks because change bad.

Apointment thursday, massive bipolar breakdown today. Everyone seems to hate me and I feel useless. Depakote is making me sleep a lot as well. At least I don't feel sick anymore, I guess.

I still hate them, and I hate my psych. I hate everyone. I just seem to be failing at...everything.

I haven't started taking this Venlafaxine yet. I'm going to wait until after my sister's wedding so I don't have to deal with adjusting to medication and my family at the same time. But I keep thinking about what the doctor said about alcohol. He told me I can't drink at all. But he didn't tell me if it interacts with this medication in a dangerous way, or if he's just trying to play it safe regarding alcohol and emotional issues.

He also said that I shouldn't read up on this medication too much so I don't get placebo side effects, which does seem like fair advice. But can anyone tell me, without revealing any spoilers about the pills, whether it's actually dangerous to drink with them? Or is it just "not a good idea" because some people might not cope well with the alcohol?

The more I think about it, the more I feel like I cannot take any medication that makes it so I absolutely can't drink. I had a long chat with some friends tonight about me and alcohol and how much it actually benefits my life. It removes the worst of my hypersensitivity and makes it so I can be social and not have meltdowns. But it does not trigger depression or mania. I have never had any such consequences from drinking, even when I drink a lot. I might get a hangover now and then, and I don't pretend that I make all the most brilliant decisions when I'm drunk, but honestly, taking everything into consideration, I think occasional drinking does more good for my life than bad. And I don't want to trade that for a pill that will certainly screw up my brain chemistry, just to *possibly* prevent something that probably won't even happen for another year.

Well, I can only speak from my experience. Ritalin certainly screwed me up a lot that now any alcohol can lead to a manic episode or depression or any of those moods.
Mixing medication and alcohol could make the medication not work as well or it could make you get drunk quicker. You might have to do some digging up online about it.
I'm not sure if this will happen but when I took Ritalin I no longer had to depend on coffee to help me focus and have a calm mind, or even to keep my energy up, so I gave it up for good. Likewise, the medication could reduce anxiety and even the need to drink. but I really can't say for sure. It's an anti-depressant right? That does equal getting drunk quicker and leading toward serotonin syndrome. I've had that on Ritalin. It's hell. You end up looking like a heroin addict and not feeling too crash hot too. You get convulsions in your arms.

Bipolar episodes don't always have to follow a certain pattern. Maybe it's because I'm rapid cycling and have a hormonal disorder to contend with but the timing and length of some moods have really surprised me. I now completely cycle into a new mood over 2 days instead of 3-5 hours. And I've had moods lasting 4-7 days. This is without taking anything to trigger them. So I'm not sure if it's the same for these longer episodes but your manic episode sounded really severe, because of the duration and the fact you went so long without having one.
The choice is yours. I have chosen being social over treatment and that backfired for me. I got so manic I embarrassed myself, had crushing lows and had a number of accidents that could have been fatal. Even fell into psychosis. I'm nervous about starting meds too but I suppose that won't happen for quite a while. I still like being creative and having those mid-high moods without getting too delusional or paranoid.

I'm hypomanic again. It's a bit of a bother. I would rather a normal mood so I don't tip over the edge so quickly. I have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow and there's going to be delays with trains and I'll have to start by taking the bus, then switch to a train. All these barriers getting in the way of my treatment makes me feel like I'm seeing the wrong doctor. I always have to put meanings to everything.

Yesterday I saw my psychiatrist and he was really listening to what I was saying and jotting down notes. Then as I finished talking his face seemed to light up and he seemed so excited that he finally found out what was troubling me, what all my mood swings were about.

He said I could have Asperger's syndrome. Just like he did four years ago.

FML.

So, I guess I'm going to stop thinking I have bipolar, whether I do or not. If I do it's going to take a really open minded doctor to diagnose me.

In other news today I went from what could have been a manic episode to what now seems a lot like depression.

I've been given a higher dose of depakote, prescribed sertaline (zoloft) and told to come off the prozac. I'm scared. Prozac and Celexa both made me unwell and f****d up my moods. Celexa made me extremly angry and irritable. I was breaking things, aiming them across rooms, running away from home. Prozac made me rapid cycle REALLY fast. Several times a day fast.

I know I'm on a moon stabilizer now, but I'm still scared.

I have high anxiety, depression and apparent bi-polar. I started taking a medication after years of denial (Atarax), but it seemed to make my heart flutter more, so I had to stop after getting the second container. I really need to try some antidepressants because I don't want a horrible year like this again where I have intense self-hatred and examination every day. I have learned my lesson though hopefully. It is always important to greet strangers with kindness, even if they appear miserable, untrustworthy, or just plain mean. And if you're nervous around women while staring at them, you will seem creepy. I WILL finally improve my self confidence next year. No more bullshitting like these last few years. Mostly anyway!