Bipolar/Aspergers support and chat thread

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There is lots of mentioning on metabolism problems with autism has anyone else had this problem with meds showing inconsistent blood levels?

Hello, has anyone else felt that sodium valproate made them feel stupid? I cant think properly since i starting taking it, i already tried to stop taking it but in 3 days i was pacing an very agitated so i restarted.
I have read that everyone here seems to have the same opinion on anti-psychotics, i hate them too. I have been on olanzapine, seroquel and risperadal and refuse to take one ever again.
I am currently taking sodium valproate 2100mg, rivotril 1.5mg, temazepam 10mg, catapress 100mg, and ciradian 2mg, for now i prefer struggling to sleep to stay antipsychotic free.
Also my doctor said i have trouble with my levels when testing my blood and it is because of my metabolism and a gene called cyp2c19. He pointed out that previous doctors noted they had the same problem when i was on trycyclics and citalipram many years ago. There is lots of mentioning on metabolism problems with autism has anyone else had this problem with meds showing inconsistent blood levels?

News from Hal:

I saw my shrink on the 2nd. Before the appointment I wrote him 5 pages about the current situation. I always do that to avoid misinterpretation. He was reading my report somehow more serious then he usually does which made me nervous and playing with my iPhone.

Well the result was a prescription for Flunitrazepam, some may now it under the name Rohypnol. His opinion is that we need to restore my sleeping pattern before I can start the withdraw from Benzodiazepines. Here in Germany Flunitrazepam is only prescribed on a special narcotic receipt so it is really the last choice and only used in extreme cases of insomnia.

This really told me where I am and what is coming up for me in the next couple of weeks. I still take my 0.5 mg Alprazolam at the evening against the anxiety and on the first two days with Flunitrazepam I needed 2 mg to maintain sleep. I took 1 mg and woke up after 3 hours and was awake like hell. No way I could go back to sleep.

Primarily this is all the result from the antipsychotic withdraw but after trying for two months there was simply no other option to use Zyprexa, cause a depression and then stop from 100 to 0. I tried so often to withdraw with not sleeping for 2-3 days but see what mess I caused.

My receptors are kind of weird and I was to autistic to tell my doctor about Zyprexa or Seroquel side effects. It took me 7 years to do it and now I'm dealing with the crap.

Benzodiazepines don't make me feel "relaxed" or "good" at all. I feel impaired and I can notice the same disquiet as I noticed in the antipsychotics but the cognitive functions are much better.

Flunitrazepam has bad image but for some people it is really life saving. I am glad my doctor is able to understand the situation, respects my autism and prescribes what is necessary.

Does anybody find when you're on a low you feel this really severe loneliness (moreso than normal) like you're in pieces and emotionally falling apart at the seams and the only way you can manage is if you can find somebody who can hold you together? Like almost in a literal sense, like somebody who will wrap their arms around you and somehow protect you to stop your mind from disintegrating? It seems stupid and weak, because normally I pride myself on holding it together alone.

Yes, yes, yes ! When I fall apart like this (which I only let myself do in private) it feels like just what you are describing, like I am falling to pieces and my mind is disintegrating. I crave someone to hold me tight and tell me it will be okay.

Unfortunately I don't have anyone like that in my life. Usually this happens the day after I have done something really fun with NT people. The sensory overload and stark contrast between their lives and mine just overwhelm me.

When this happens to me I drop what I am doing and concentrate on comforting myself. I have a weighted blanket (11lb. wrap) that I cover up with and then retreat into my favorite comforting music until I feel better. The weighted blanket has been a godsend in this regard. It really does feel like a hug. Music has always been able to comfort me in ways nothing else does, and recently I discovered that certain scents also calm me down. I have no clue why. Like peppermint, and certain scented candles.

I have also found for myself that taking a hot bath comforts me. Have no clue why, but it always makes me feel better, and I can sob in the bathtub while the water is running and no one can hear me.

If I am feeling a little better I can watch Avenue Q "It Sucks To Be Me" on youtube, and that almost always makes me laugh and feel better.

Being Aspie sometimes requires an unusual coping style. I no longer care what other people think, I do what works for me.

My mother's sort of huggy so she hugs me if I go to her. I wish I wasn't dependent on anyone for hugs .

Mom's are good for hugging.

I used to do that too - write pages and pages of tightly condensed script about my current situation, but I eventually gave up as none of the psychiatrists did more than skim it at best (reading it in full wouldn't fit into their allotted hour/30 minute session with me :/).

In the last few days I've been in a pretty bad way, having many downswings where I've experienced complete disconnection (eventually resulting in sleep) where it's like my brain has become fragmented and my mind is retreating behind closed doors. I can forget where I am, or not hear what people are saying to me. It's like I've somehow lost grip on my consciousness while not being asleep.

I'm no expert but I get the impression they are very similar; the main difference being that the bipolar highs and lows are generally more profound than with cyclothymia. They do appear to be on a continuum though.
People with cyclothymia can sometimes go on to develop bipolar type 2.

Lol yes. I hate it though. My dad always scolding me for being very dependent on them when I'm depressed -- This depresses me further. Makes me feel pathetic.

Awwww I'm sure your Mom understands. It just takes us Aspie's a little longer to grow up ~ that's all.

My highs are usually just bubbly for a while then really, really frustrating (and people think I have ADHD).

That's what the last two months been like. I've been oversleeping barely energetic, forgetful, and depressed. Usually I can get absorbed into some kind of hobby and I often get all kinds of amazing and creative ideas, along with some insomnia. The last two months I've barely been able to think. I just slept, and when I was awake I was too unmotivated to get out of bed. I tried to do some creative stuff but it felt like I couldn't even figure out how to use a pencil. I couldn't picture anything in my head to draw at all. I'm starting to come out of it a little more but I feel like it's hard adjusting to doing things I normally did again. That kind of inconsistency in my routine really messes up my coping abilities for sensory overload and verbal communication too. Which has a domino effect affecting my ability to work and get things I need to look after myself properly.

Now I doubt the credibility of my ADHD diagnosis. atleast if its not true I'll have one less thing to deal with.

So what does a flat phase feel like?

I'm usually chatty but I was feeling flat yesterday and kept quiet at an impt. dinner meeting. The ambiance and the music didn't help. I froze for quite sometime muttering to myself out of anxiety. I shut social life out for four months and only started socializing recently so it could have been a shock to go out for dinner after like months.