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Going to my first post diagnostic support session this week, although my report is still getting written up so not sure if I can say I'm officially diagnosed or not yet, but they have told me verbally and in writing that I have Autism as suspected and ADHD as a non-optional extra...

It's exciting and nerve wracking at the same time, I've avoided talking to psychologists about myself up till now (maybe why it's taken so long to get here). I'm hoping it's constructive, I know it's important. So much garbage I need to drop from internalising the expectations and standards of the 'normal' world.

Best of luck to you

My head feels clearer and more relaxed today than it has in weeks, if not months or even years.

I think I've been experiencing something like a midlife crises for the last few years. I'm in something like a teenage punk phase that I never experienced till a few years ago. I'm angry at the world & society & want nuclear war to kill off all hew-mons including myself before we develop better space travel & f#ck up other planets. That said, I do hope there is some potential for major improvement & I want to help make that happen but I'm failing miserably. When I talk it feels like no one listens except for my girlfriend who's powerless just like me. I feel like beating the living _ out of a lot of people in power but I'm too scared & weak to ever throw a punch even when I was getting beat up as a kid so I'm not gonna attempt or start anything. Psych meds help hold me together & keep me from acting out or anything but I still feel very angry about life in general. From my experience with therapy I know it's a waste of my time because we just go round in circles & I might as well be home talking to our cat or my TV or a wall I majorly want something to majorly change for the better.

Hi

I really hate my life

Are you okay, Readydaer?

If you mean the dictionary definition, no I am not having a satisfactory experience right now, but that's such a nebulous word that I'm not even entirely sure what the parameters for okay are. Unfortunately I can't measure my emotions either.

severe gender dysphoria with no near-future solution is just really hard to deal with.

If you're concerned about my safety, do not be. I don't have any plans or reasons to go to any extreme.

Last edited by Readydaer on 09 Nov 2023, 1:20 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Ah, I gotcha. I have read about gender dysphoria. I imagine that is quite horrible to have no solution to that and for the solution to perhaps be extensive and full of effort.

I hope you feel better soon in any case.

thank you

I was thinking about my life and what I've got and stuff. And I do ok. I've got a nice place in a nice area. I put my daughter through school/uni and all that and she's made a success now but I don't know how the f*ck I got here. It's like I've just slept through it all and I woke up here. It's so weird when you have dissociative disorder.

It's not like complete amnesia. I can remember it but it's like a dream or like it's someone else has done it for me but it's obviously not someone else because I've got no one else.

my memory is so bad it's almost distressing when I try to recall the good things. Then again there are so many bad things I'm desperate to forget.

Aaargh, this! My memory is booby-trapped. Any train of recollection leads me to something depressing. But sometimes I'll talk to old friends, and they'll mention so many good things that that I am completely incapable of remembering on my own.

Hi

One of the symptoms of depression for me is excessive sleeping.