Worried I have another personality or something wrong with..

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Jonsi
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12 Feb 2011, 2:17 pm

I'm worried I have another personality or something wrong with the current one.

I feel like there is someone else in my own mind. I do talk to myself inside my head and there is always an answer. Although that I'm sure is just myself talking back. My memories beyond the last three years are very fractured. The farther back I go, right to when my father and mother broke up when I was four and we became homeless, the memories become more and more fractured. The memory of the day they did break up is itself absent from my own memory.

There were also times, again beyond the last three years, where I have felt like I was sitting back and someone else was driving. This someone else was very angry, very bitter, and I'm also quite worried that they were violent too. I was told I was a bit more violent than usual when I was young(5-13 years old.).

And the reason why I'm now making this thread is that for the first time in several years, I had a feeling of being out of control. It was only a few minutes but I felt like I was completely sitting back and watching.

I'm scared of the posibility, and it'll be a month before I can schedule an appointment with my psychiatrist. I just want some information on what it could be or at least something reassuring. Sorry to bother you guys about this.

leejosepho
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12 Feb 2011, 2:29 pm

I might be way off here, but I have been considering this about myself:

Quote:

Depersonalization (or depersonalisation) is a malfunction or anomaly of the mechanism by which an individual has self-awareness. It is a feeling of watching oneself act, while having no control over a situation. It can be considered desirable, such as in the use of recreational drugs, but it usually refers to the severe form found in anxiety and, in the most intense cases, panic attacks. Sufferers feel they have changed, and the world has become less real, vague, dreamlike, or lacking in significance. It can be a disturbing experience, since many feel that, indeed, they are living in a "dream".

Depersonalization is a subjective experience of unreality in one's sense of self, while derealization is unreality of the outside world. Although most authors currently regard depersonalization (self) and derealization (surroundings) as independent constructs, many do not want to separate derealization from depersonalization.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization (excerpted)

I do not have any kind of self-identity other than that of a man with no self-identity ... but that is okay as long as I know, if you can wrap your own head around that.

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I began looking for someone like me when I was five ...
My search ended at 59 ... right here on WrongPlanet.
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Jonsi
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12 Feb 2011, 2:33 pm

That certainly would make sense. I should also mention that I get strange headaches after I have these 'depersonalization attacks' for lack of a better name.

I will be writing some of that down to show to my psychiatrist, thanks.

leejosepho
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12 Feb 2011, 2:46 pm

Same here on the headaches, and I suspect they are stress-related. Sometimes they feel like a semi-tight band (halo) around the top of my scalp, but that is only one of three kinds ... and I do not know how to well-describe the other two.

_________________
I began looking for someone like me when I was five ...
My search ended at 59 ... right here on WrongPlanet.
==================================

Jonsi
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12 Feb 2011, 2:51 pm

I feel like I'm going to black out with mine. You may be right about the stress thing, I was a little stressed out before I got it.

Jonsi
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13 Feb 2011, 4:07 pm

It happened again a while ago. I blacked out. I should've fallen face first into the stew I was eating, but I didn't. I woke up and either the stew magically disappeared or I had eaten it while I was out.

I'm alone in this house. So it was not possible for someone to have been tricking me.

I'm going to call my psychiatrist in a bit, hopefully he's available.

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