Oh no, what happened...though it is not all bad.

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So I woke up a few days ago feeling very odd........I was in a severe depressed mood went to bed and woke up feeling very, very weird. what is weird so far is:
Visual distortions in the form of things seeming to appear wavy and slightly moving(don't think there is an exact word for it.)
Repetitive thought about things in the past and just negative thoughts about myself going on in my mind to the extent it annoys me as if someone where actually talking crap.
Feeling angry yet optimistic...but still pessimistic at the same time.
Wanting to piss people off, because they sure as hell have pissed me off .
Feeling distracted and detatched
I do not think I have been blinking as much as one should
Yeah maybe college won't get me anywhere but that is what I am going to do at the moment.
I admit I have experianced these things here and there but not all at once like this. so yeah its weird...but it feels a bit better than I felt before.

Not sure if things got better for you, but I wake up feeling like this sometimes. I feel like things are only partially real, and that I'm halfway trapped inside my head. Anything that I am able to get out of my head, is negative, or destructive, and I generally can't be around people on those days.
I self medicate with cannabis as well, and I find that when I haven't taken my usual doses, then I get like that more often. Usually a few tokes straighten me right up.

Well I still feel weird, its not as overwhelming.....but it could have something to do with all the stress I have had going on. I mean I've realised there is probably no way for me to pay back college loans, I have no idea what to do with life in general and I feel completely disturbed by this sick society we live in and this is a lesser thing as I have kind of stopped caring about it but I also had a lot I thought about my family destroyed.....I mean my moms side of the family did not really like my dad for the most part because he drank a lot, did not make a very income and stuff like that so I always knew my dad and his side of the family where not the most responsible, drug free people and they all drank to.

But over the summer I saw my grandma on my moms side get far to drunk for her own good because her husband(yeah I have a step-grandpa) left her at the bar(we where at a benifit for a friend of the family at a bar) he was mad because he had a DUI and could not drink so we gave my gradma a ride hope and she went in started screaming at him and he drove away quite quickley...and it kind of was a shock that my moms side of family is about as disfunctional as my dads side of the family but they keep it under the surface and lie about it. Its just a lot to hit you in the face all at once..But being 22 I have pretty much gotten over that whole thing it's just kind of disturbing that their expectations are so much higher then they even expect for themselves.

I already have depression, anxiety and PTSD so I do not always handle that sort of stuff all that well.