This is no joke now.

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So I am quite convinced I am losing my sanity...but it seems rather enjoyable. being able to go numb whenever I want, is a nice effect. But the trouble is reality and everything else seem so intertwined its impossible to just 'focus on reality' I mean what is reality. Its becoming ever so confusing. I just want to live life but everything else gets in the way. I really have no one to talk to about this..so I figured I woudl get it off my mind by posting here. But seriously I feel like I was never meant for this world and will never find my place in it. I am so terribly lonely when I am around people but I hide it with a ciggerette, an alcoholic beverage, or smoking some weed because I dont want to bring anyone down with me. I just want to find someone that might understand, but that seems quit immpossible because I am paranoid that any dude who bothers talking to me just wants in my pants and nothing more. Then again one night of enjoyment might be worth the fact that no one actually cares for me as a person. I have also given up on suicide hoping I may enjoy an overdose of alcohol before I die old in a bed while sleeping. It is a sad existance and I have no desire to seek help for it but I figured I would see if anyone here had helpful advice.

I kinda think I feel like you. Commonly I fantasize the imposable to keep my mind off the boring reality that life has become. Though I can somewhat see myself getting the position I wanted in life, I came to realize that no matter how much of a success my life was it would just feel as worthless as it dose now. I also tried talking to those who I thought where friends but all they did was stab me in the back with rumors and lies to try to expand there drama of a life. Over the years all that really has happens is that I have grown sick of others. The only thing I want to do now is to hopefully find one person that I can trust to hang and wast the rest of the years of my life away with.

Have you ever took the time to think that the place you wanted in life may not be really what you enjoy in life?

They cannot force you to take meds without a court order, which is only given in really extreme circustances like someone being unable to convey their wishes in any way and will eventually wither away and die without intervention, or people that are violently out of control. Injections are rarely used except for people that can't take pills or are fighting taking court ordered meds. For people that take meds voluntarily, injections may be offered very shortly after your initial evaluation at the hospital to try and reduce the severity of symptoms causing the crisis, or offered if someone suddenly develops really severe symptoms during the course of their stay in the hospital, but other than that, they may be used in the hospital or in office visits if the pill version disagrees with you and some people taking higher doses find they experience less of a problem with side effects using the injection.

SSRI's were the worst for me as well... they even tried me on some tri-cyclic and it was hell also. The last time I went in the man said something about MAOI's. I told him to f**k off. Now the man is sending me to a university for 'a second opinion'. Heh. I laugh because really, what else can you do? The meds alone are enough to make a person nutty. I digress.

I get like this... sometimes I just numb out and really lose touch with reality. I have had bouts of time where I would just lay on the floor, get lost in my head... not move for hours and then snap back to reality when I really have to pee and fall down because my legs have also gone numb. Good comedy that. In those times the reality in my head is where I want to be and it's like I forget how to function among the people. There is so much going on besides this people world and I find the other stuff to be more... compelling(?) to me. It's like that stuff calls me and pulls me in. Sometimes I just do not care enough to fight it so I roll with it. I love it. Is that the sort of thing you mean? Is that what is going on with you or is it different? I do not mean to be dense, I am simply trying to clearly understand so I ask...

First, drugs are not good. I mean alcohol, etc. Avoid specially if you are under treatment.

If not, SEEK FOR HELP, and stop trying to feel you bad, it's only your illness, a synthetic thought.

1- You're not alone.
2- Pills are not always a good idea.
3- Your life "path" depends on you, things will not happen without effort so stop feeling guilty and worried. Be happy guys.
4- You're not losing your sanity, it's only you don't feel ok because you're ill, pathological doubt, etc.

Google! there's a lof of information on how solve your problems, but visit a specialist as soon as possible.

This is only an opinion, I'm not a doctor so I can give you professional advice, only my experience.

I have OCD (religion related) and I beat it for a while.

Regards

Merry-wanna can lead to schizophrenia and should be avoided. IF you are ASD diagnosed, you may have genetics that overlap with schizophrenia spectrum potential. You could end up with a bigger problem by self medicating. I understand the appeal, I've self medicated with merry-wanna several times in my life. It helps but its always risky and always short term.

BTW, were you smoking pot during the time you were prescribed anti-depressants, or just prior to that? If so, you could have had an interaction between the two.

Have you looked into support groups for either depression or PTSD? If you need to know that there are people that understand who you can talk to in person it might be exremely helpful. At least you can usually trust people who are going through similar experiences to be safe to talk to. The anonymity of the internet can be nice, but it can also be a crutch as it just isn't the same as having someone that can relate face to face.

seems to me when bunch of depressed people get together it would only make someone more depressed oO

might be good for ptsd to talk about what happened