My Fabulous Action Packed Intro! .... not :P

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My Story
I feel I can identify with a lot of the topics on this site. If you're reading this I want to let you know that it is NOT a pity party, just a little shpeal about what i went through, my course of treatment, and what I'm doing right now. Maybe you can relate, maybe you cant. It's all good.

I'm going to statrt by talking about my anxiety and OCD. These are something I have had since a very early age. When I was in about kindergarten or first grade I would obsess about all kinds of things. I had a burning fear that my toes would fall off in my sleep, so I would count them all the time. I used to have dreams I was playing with my dad and his hand would just fall off (i dont tell anyone this but thats a recurring dream I've had since i can remember and I always wake up scared.) I used to check on my mom in the middle of the night to make sure she was still there; and I was seven when all of this was going on. It is what it is.

But now I'm 18 and I still deal with this. I'm not as close to family and friends as I have been, and when I am close I get quite familiar obsessions. But since right now I'm kind of sort of to myself, I'm afraid of myself hurting and harming people. It tempts me to isolate, but lately I've been trying to rationalize that these fears arn't warrented and there related to a form of ocd I had forever. I have to get past ocd and live my life. I hope others have the strength and perserverance to do this to, because its totally worth it. Every ocd day motivates me even more to work on freeing my mind from all of the pain and energy wasted obsessing.

In the past, and maybe even in the present, I have "self medicated" myself with anorexia - purge type. It has been a long journey for me to get where I am today as far as recovery from anorexia. In the past five years I have gained forty pounds, lost twenty pounds, and gained twenty pounds back. Beneith the gaining, loosing, resulting medical problems hides all of the anxiety and ocd I was just trying to run from.

Anorexia has a funny way of completly blocking out any of the less than stellar things going on in your mind. When your life becomes just numbers, weight loss, diets... you loose touch with really everything. And this does block out the bad things, but it also blocks out the good things in life as well. I have been hospitalized twice due to anorexia and I have learned a lot about combating it and fighting for myself. Right now I have noticed some behaviors coming back like counting calories and excersising, body checking, restricting on some days, and purging like once a month. i am about to go to college and I refuse to let this ruin the best years of my life. I plan on getting help, but I'm just sort of vocalizing my need for a little bit of support on this front...

Another thing I deal with is chronic pain, spacing out, and memory loss. I consider this my most irritating, embarassing, and scarry problem. I have been doctor to doctor to doctor for it and I honestly am just sick of seeing them. This may be on te negative side but right now I'm trying to work on accepting my problem and fitting it into my life rather than fixing it. Becasue noone takes me seriously. I do things and forget about them, I forget what I'm saying mid sentence... its terrible. But just knownig I'm not the only one helps me out. I am seeing a neuro for my migranes, and the medication for that helps... but he can think of no explination for all my other symptoms and I am just not happy with the prospect of seeing another doctor... but I'll probabbly post more about this later

About Me
Phew! That was a doosy!
Now heres some more positive things about me and where my life is going!

My name is Grace and as of yesterday I am OFFICIALLY a high school graduate~! I am going on to college to study digital media ( a combination of webdesign, graphic design, and animation) and minor in computer engineering. I love using my creativity, spending time with friends, spending time in the sun, and smiling. I love smiling, laughs, and all together making memories.

I'm excieted to study digital media because its an oppertunity to take my creativity and art and use it in the real world. My goal in life is to use my creativity to assist others on their journey to self discovery and self confidence. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and my struggle exists to help someone else on theirs. And I just try so hard to keep a positive attitude, a sense of humor, rose colored glasses, and a smile on my face.

My favorite place is the beach.
My favorite color is green.
My pet is a shih-tzu named jackie
I have a brother and a sister and both parents at home.
I enjoy photography and playing with big cameras.
I love to go swimming
My favorite types of food are soups
I LOVEEEE musicals! Me and my friends watchh them and sing them a lot
One of my greatest inspirations is lady gaga (hense me quoting her)
I listen to almost all types of music.
I'm open to different ideas about almost anything
I believe god is more of a what than a who, but we are all connected to it and eachother

Thats all I can think of right now, but if you;ve made it this far than thanks for reading. It means a lot! I love you guys







and ps. my brother has AS, thats why i joined

you are officially awesome

I have a similar type of OCD, i have a fear that I mght hurt someone or that I might be a danger to people.

First of all, Welcome to the Wrong Planet!

Second, Congratulations on graduating high school. That's one of my proudest accomplishments because it was so dang hard.

You seem like a strong willed, intelligent gal, and I think there are fantastic things ahead of you!

aww thanks guys, i'm wicked excited to be starting new things

i mean i always sort of knew of this site, but after babysitting my brother the first time this summer. I realized that rather than just complain like I have in the past, i want to learn a little bit about AS and maybe figure out some solutions.

but i can totally relate to mental health problems. So im not stranger to this sort of thing lol.

You'll love it here! I don't post much, but I lurk around almost daily.