Could this be a manifestation of Tourettes?

Post Reply New Topic

When I'm off my medication, I tend to talk about "dark stuff" a lot. I'm constantly talking about suicide, which really frightens people. There's only been two times, maybe three, in my life that I've tried to kill myself, but I talk about doing so constantly, and almost in a flippant manner (I hate this (thing), I hate life, I want to die!" that type of thing). Also, I seem to be really fascinated with death and really weird stuff like cannibalism and blood drinking (not vampirism in the traditional erotic sense, but the actual act of drinking blood) and can talk at length about it, although I try not to. I've noticed that when I'm taking Risperdal and Haloperidol, the constant chatter in my head about suicide and murder stops. It's a low level chatter, I never really intend to do the things I think about, but the thoughts are always there. I wonder if this is something similar to Tourettes coprolalia, where people will curse and insult others without having any control over it.

Same here with the dark stuff. Family members tell me "why do you keep saying these things? Let's talk about something pleasant and real." But pretending everything's fine when these thoughts are possessing my mind is not possible. The thoughts have to come out for me to feel some relief.

Doubt it qualifies as Tourette's since at least in my case I CAN control it but it makes it infinitely worse if I keep it in. It's a small catharsis to let them out.

I wonder if the difference between us and somebody like Cary Stayner who is hounded by his dark thoughts until he actually goes and DOES what he's thinking of is simply a matter of degree. Stayner said that he was haunted by thoughts of torturing and killing women since he was 7, but kept it all in, until he could keep it in no longer and killed the Yosemite sightseers and that naturalist.

I would think that autism acts as a sort of brake on actually DOING horrible things, rather than just thinking and talking about them. It makes me wonder if the difference between somebody like Stephen King who writes really evil novels that millions read and a serial killer is a matter of implementation; King writes novels and that satisfies his urges, while a killer actually has to DO it. Also, note that the villains in SK's novels are otherworldly; they're demons or evil aliens or something amorphous (like the cell phone call in Cell that turns people into zombies) instead of real people. A serial killer casts himself in the title role, while SK casts a demon or an alien.

Or, I wonder if an autistic who has serial killer thoughts is less likely, due to theory of mind problems, to cast himself in the role of killer, and is thus less likely to kill. I know that at one point there was a 16 year old girl from England on the board who confessed to an obsessive fascination with serial killers; she was banned IIRC. So this is likely more common than people realize.

I know that pedophilia, for example, seems to be a brain malfunction; men cannot be cured through testosterone lessening shots (chemical castration like Depo Provera) or testes removal; the urge to harm is still there. The weird thing is the dramatic jump in FEMALE sexual predation over the last 15-20 years, a jump that experts, who have assumed that only men can be sexual predators, have been at a loss to explain. Maybe women just hid it better?