All I know is pain

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Basically all I know is pain, I cannot accept good things. If someone gives me a compliment then I get really uncomfortable and I tense up and deny everything. I deny and shrug off any feeling of tenderness from anyone and everyone. What I really want? I crave for someone to feel bad for me, to say that my life is the hardest or at least harder than theirs, I want/I need to hear that. They have to be genuine (so it won't work on anyone that replies now lol, you don't know my past. Do you?). Each time someone says that they're sorry, then I want it again and again. I'm not going to get into it but my past but it really is messed up, and my family is dysfunctional as can be. Weird I know, probably even eerie.

Am I the only one?

No, you're not the only one. It sounds like you might have PTSD, I'd look into that. It also sounds like you want attention but are not sure how to get positive attention. I'm starting to snap out of a similar state of mind. Do you have any friends or family to talk to? If not, find a new special interest, discover something new that you are good at, help someone out, that might help your self esteem and you wouldn't have to settle for negative attention. I think it might be a good idea to put the past behind you and move on with your life. Don't let your past control you. And pity does absolutely nothing for your self esteem!

PTSD? Is that Post-traumatic Stress Disorder? I don't have anyone to talk to, no friends, and my family could care less about what I have to say. It is true that pity is unhealthy but why does it feel so good?

I'm in a similar position - i've got no one to talk to, and yeah my family are not really all that concerned about me.



Ditto for me too. Compliments are disregarded although deep down I want them to be true. Do I seek pity from others? Yes, possibly. But it's a paradox as I don't want people to know what I go through on a personal level. So yeah you're not alone. I guess what I really hope for is a chance to escape it all. I wish I can find a way out somehow.

I know exactly what your going through but even though I tell my family and they say something back i still disregard what they say and move on. I have very little respect for them. I feel like my ex turned my life around and turned me into this. I'm like a huge pompous now to certain people or just don't not even care to talk to them except my lil bro and older bro but i dont talk to them about stuff like that.
But you are great, if you can say you have never belittled someone in anyway or intentionally hurt someone then yeah.

I may have but it's hard to say. Ok so there's these other people (mostly girls), they've been hassling my family for a very long time but my family is incredibly idiotic to keep going back to them and getting crushes on them and then getting heart broken. They live a while away so one day on facebook (let me make this clear that these girls are so self centered it almost makes you vomit) one of them was saying that she was heart broken because a MARRIED MAN broke up with her, and so all her friends that are also so disgustingly self centered were feeling sorry for her, telling her that he's a jerk and that she is so precious and beautiful *vomit*. So then I go and post a comment telling her that she is a child and an idiot for even thinking of dating a married man, all her gal pals then turned to me and told me that I should be nicer etc. (trying to justify the situation even though they know that I'm right). The girl deleted her entire post so I couldn't copy and past my comment to share with you, it still pisses me off. All my brothers were cheering and laughing because they all hate the girls but my brothers are still boy toys (freakin' idiots). I should mention that one of my two narrow subjects is social psychology so I find humans very boring and predictable, unless there is something that makes them interesting (if you watch house, you'll understand). I don't know if I belittled them because they are ignorant so there it is.

i'd say if you think they are an idiot then think they're an idiot. From the sounds of it i'm sure they didnt think twice about what happen.

I used to think compliments were toxic, still kind of do. I thought they feed a persons hubris and prevent them from seeing things clearly. I never got the sense of satisfaction most people do when they are given recognition. I had the feeling like my misery was worth something. Like some past tragedy in my life was a trump card that would put other people's problems into perspective and I was better because of it.

You're addicted to that feeling you get when something terrible happens to you or that feeling you get when someone tells you they're sorry and they mean it.