Wishing disabilities on oneself

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17 Jul 2011, 11:02 pm

Does anyone else ever have the feeling that they want themselves to have disorders? I do, and I'm happy when I'm sick or whatever. I just realized this recently, and after thinking about it, it seems like a (nonsexual) form of masochism. That would possibly fit in with my previously-suspected Antisocial Personality Disorder, which recently I've been beginning to think as true again.

Is anyone else here like that?

Sweetleaf
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17 Jul 2011, 11:17 pm

dunbots wrote:

Well I have always had an unusual facination with what sorts of things cause the line between sanity and insanity to disolve, now its more specific so I think about it in the terms of specific disorders a lot of the time. I don't really know why and it feels like a somewhat dangerous thing to spend a lot of thought on, but its kind of like an addiction I guess unless there is a more fitting word to describe a thought process you cannot stop even if its in ones best intrest.

purchase
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17 Jul 2011, 11:18 pm

Used to be greatly but I think what it actually was was a desire to have my nebula of problems sorted, defined, and dealt with. My problems reach into every corner of my life and therefore every new syndrome I heard of seemed like it could be a piece of the puzzle that is my non-functionality.

I just want to be normal. I'm tired of being crazy and inept. I'm through with having Issues.

SammichEater
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17 Jul 2011, 11:37 pm

No. I just want to understand myself.

Although it would be fun to have multiple personality disorder and AS. Then I would really be able to annoy people. :twisted:

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dunbots
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18 Jul 2011, 12:08 am

Sweetleaf wrote:

but its kind of like an addiction I guess unless there is a more fitting word to describe a thought process you cannot stop even if its in ones best intrest.

Well, perseveration is partly related to that. But like you I am very interested in "insanity", and wish I was mentally insane, like schizophrenia.

But none of the replies are quite what I had in mind when I made the thread. I mean wanting things that are mentally or physically damaging to ones health to happen to you.

BillyIdolFan217
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18 Jul 2011, 12:10 am

I wanted to have Aspergers! And I got what I wished for I had it all along!

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Jory
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18 Jul 2011, 12:32 am

I’ve told many people that I wish I had a physical disability instead of a mental one, since people understand physical disabilities. Everyone understands why a guy in a wheelchair can’t walk up the stairs, but getting people to understand the simplest of mental disorders can be a f*****g nightmare of frustration. But that’s the closest I come. I would rather have no disability whatsoever, mental or physical.

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18 Jul 2011, 12:40 am

Why would you want schizophrenia? I have schizoaffective and its no fun. You have to take pills for the rest of your life and they all have nasty side effects. I have taken many pills and gained massive weight because of it and my current pill which is Loxapine causes extreme tiredness. Sometimes I have to take it in the morning and all I do all day long is sleep. That also causes you to gain weight even though the pill itself doesn't cause weight gain as a side effect. I get thought insertion which is people putting thoughts into your head. That is a terrifying experience. I also get hallucinations but luckily for me they are mild compared to others with this disease. At least I don't get the loud voices all the time, mine are soft most of the time with occasional yelling and screaming. I mainly get the visual type of hallucinations and for example I saw a floating person a few days ago. Trust me, it is wrong to wish it on yourself. Thinking someone is going to kill you or reading your thoughts your most private thoughts isn't something you want.

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18 Jul 2011, 12:48 am

FireBird wrote:

I can't explain why. I kind of know why, but I couldn't put it into words. Also, like I said, it's possibly a form of masochism, which means "deriving pleasure and gratification from suffering pain and humiliation upon the self", in my case being adversely affected by disorders and other sicknesses and deficits.

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18 Jul 2011, 2:24 am

I used to wish I was ret*d so people expect less of me and not get in trouble with the law if people take advantage of me. But I realized having MR does not keep you out of jail if you break the law. Heck I even found out they even get executed (which got outlawed in 2002 but you have to have an IQ of 70 or below to not get capital punishment but you still get locked up).

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18 Jul 2011, 2:41 am

dunbots wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

but its kind of like an addiction I guess unless there is a more fitting word to describe a thought process you cannot stop even if its in ones best intrest.

Well yes I have actually...and its always been one of those things I figured was better not to mention to most people. Sometimes I have done some rather potentially dangerous things because of those thoughts.

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18 Jul 2011, 2:52 am

dunbots wrote:

FireBird wrote:

I had a bad trip once but I did kind of bring it on myself....I tried watching The Wall when I was on an 1/8th of shrooms, because I figured it was more intense stoned so it would be even more intense tripping. Honestly I have mixed feelings about it, it was pretty horrific my thought process, was weird and I thought it was never going to end......but at the same time I have never felt so many different emotions and sensations at once so there was that part of me that did not want it to end even though it was unpleasent.

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18 Jul 2011, 3:03 am

Sweetleaf wrote:

dunbots wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

but its kind of like an addiction I guess unless there is a more fitting word to describe a thought process you cannot stop even if its in ones best intrest.

I'm not sure what you mean by that. You mean to say that you wished you were schizophrenic? Sorry, I just didn't understand what you're referring to. And what dangerous things are you talking about? (You don't have to say if you don't want to.)

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18 Jul 2011, 4:22 am

No, I do not wish disorders on myself...

Quote:

But like you I am very interested in "insanity", and wish I was mentally insane, like schizophrenia.

Don't you have Bipolar Disorder? If so, then I think you are mentally insane.

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18 Jul 2011, 6:00 am

This sounds kinda like Munchausen Syndrome.

Sweetleaf
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18 Jul 2011, 11:35 am

dunbots wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

dunbots wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

but its kind of like an addiction I guess unless there is a more fitting word to describe a thought process you cannot stop even if its in ones best intrest.

Not specifically, I am just trying to say I have more then once kind of wished something physically or mentally damaging would take place or not really sure why I will admit within the last year I got kind of 'worried' that I might have had symptoms of schizophrenia but I kept you know obsessing over it like I was more curious then worried about if there was something like that wrong with me......as for dangerous things I once got pretty drunk, took 60mg of Adderall and ate about an 1/8th of shrooms because I wanted to get f*cked up for instance. and in the past I would soemtimes try and find ways to prevent myself from breathing for long enough to start feeling lightheaded.

It's confusing to me why I feel/think like that or whatever, so sorry if my wording is not makeing sense.

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