I don't believe pills are a magic cure for talking to people

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Today, in my ongoing meds saga, when I saw this chick again (some sort of RN or whatever) and she was deciding on something for depression I mentioned that I need something for when I'm having panic attacks or about to (specifically for these visits with her and my therapist) and she reluctantly prescribed something. (currently I use someone else's Xanax). I'm an idiot and did mention drinking a lot years back to socialize the first time that I met with her. So now she thinks that I'll be like an addict with pills or something which is untrue.

So she says that this Zoloft that she prescribed will fix my depression and social anxiety and blah blah blah. That after it's kicked in after x amount of weeks that I won't need to take something for panic attacks or dealing with people. I know anti-depressants from personal use and reading about them and know that yeah they can blank you out or whatever. However nothing and I mean nothing is ever going to make me have an easy time at talking to people. Of course I've barely talked to this drug pusher, she only sees me for like 10 minutes at a time, and she doesn't understand me or the asperger's at all. I know that's what contributed to my social anxiety (after intense bullying).

Then my sister called and I tried to get her to commiserate with me. "blah, blah, blah, yeah then it will help your anxiety like she said". I had to explain to her, no it won't. I'll never be like other people. When I take Xanax I feel a mellow high like if you'd smoked a little weed. For instance on some bad days I've had to take it to go grocery shopping. At those times I just felt sort of oblivious like oh yeah, there are some people over there but I don't care I'm just going to go buy these chips now. I just felt less like people were staring at and judging me. I certainly didn't feel like oh now I can totally go up and talk to people and get along with them. No, that didn't happen.

Even when I used to get trashed back in the day at parties I never felt comfortable. I was able to talk to people somewhat but it was always still wrong, I was always fumbling, etc. I'm just so sick of everyone misunderstanding me.

I'm had some luck studying zen and meditation in a thoroughly half-assed way (I mean, how else to study zen! )

I've also had some success making a conscious decision to turn down my internal censor so that the default setting is that it's probably okay to go ahead and say something which occurs to me, unless it clearly jumps out at me that it's inappropriate.

And I like the idea of just letting a medium mistake stay a medium mistake.

And then, I guess the baseline, most groups like the Sierra Club or a peace group, aren't that social once you come down to it. So, I try and cut myself a little slack and realize it's a time and numbers game.


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Okay, I've struggled with depression some, haven't yet taken an antidepressant but next time I might. The way I understand it, something like Zoloft might work for one person and be a real game changer, but not do a thing for another, and no doctor in the world can predict in advance. And typically takes a month to tell.

And so, the way the game is played---and won---is to be willing to try a series of antidepressants and hopefully one will click.
'Treating depression can be hit or miss', Los Angeles Times, Devon Schuyler, August 03, 2009.
http://articles.latimes.com/2009/aug/03 ... ug-choice3

(And sometimes important to phrase down from an antidepressant in steps even if it doesn't seem to be working)

And obviously, NOT A DOCTOR, just someone who's struggled with some of this and has read some sh!t

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And I'm thinking it might largely be the same for anti-anxiety medications, and for the same reason, that human biochem is complex and tends to be a little different for different people.

From what I understand anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills will only work if the social anxiety is caused by a chemical imbalance.

You are making perfect sense to me and I agree with everything you say. While I believe in the efficacy of using medication it must be used apppropriately and your doctor should understand you well. I have no time for the kind of 'doctors' who simply act as sales reps for the pharmaceutical companies. One of these caused a major manic/psychotic episode in me because he didn't listen to what I was trying to tell him, and got his sample box of zoloft out of the cupboard for me to take. Turned out I had bipolar disorder and you shouldn't give zoloft to someone with bipolar disorder if they are not taking a mood stabiliser.

I suffered from some mild social anxiety myself, with similar problems as you describe. I am neurotypical but I was bullied at school because of being a high achiever. This made me think that there was actually something wrong with me. My problems of communication occurred because I was intellectually years ahead of the other kids, and I didn't dumb it down or play along with their manipulative games. I had friends but many at the school really hated me. And I am sensitive and took it all to heart. When I finally got out of school I met plenty of people at uni who I could relate to, but I was still very shy and slow to trust others. i used to self-medicate by drinking at parties but it didn't really work for me either. It took me a while to realise that the problem was them, and not me. I have fewer friends now but each one is worth a thousand of those others. They have stuck with me throughout my mental illness and recovery, the good and bad times. I am very lucky.

Based on that I recommend being true to yourself and finding a practitioner whom you trust, there are many other strategies other than medication if it's not working for you. And be confident that if someone is having trouble relating to you it is probably their problem not yours so don't waste your time worrying about them. Communication skills is another area to practice particularly if you are an aspie in a world of neurotypicals - because you will never get a neurotypical to practice communicating with you. Not fair is it? Deaf people have the same problem - they have to learn to lipread a foreign language while few people will bother to learn even some basic sign.

Anyway best of luck.