Undiagnosed and confused

Post Reply New Topic

Hi there, I have written a couple of other little posts on here but mainly a lurker. It's taken me ages to try and get to this point and express anything, I have done this before on other forums and not really got very far, I can't even express my feelings and things that are wrong with me in writing let alone talking to someone and wherever I turn it seems like I can't even ask for help let alone get anything.

I am undiagnosed currently and am awaiting an appointment with my psychiatrist next month. Currently do have diagnosis of severe depression, but know there is something deep down that's not been identified yet and I know it's more than just depression. I think I need to look into the possibility of having Aspergers because it seems to fit me so well, but it could probably just as well be Schizoid personality disorder and probably half dozen other things.

I'm 35 and live in Melbourne, Australia. I have a gf, who is my lifeline really, but we are so, so disconnected. Emotionally I'm a wreck. Years of conditioning has caused me to abandon any interests I once had, and after moving from New Zealand to Australia, pretty much all my friends too. I only keep in touch with a couple of the friends that I actually did have, from a distance, via Facebook.

Main symptoms - huge, huge depression and feeling of isolation, emptyness, and a huge feeling I need to connect emotionally with others especially females (but I can't figure out how). Lots of anxiety and despair. Not sure what to do now apart from wait for another psych appointment, which doesn't seem to go so well.

Well, I don't know you so I cannot really say, but your need to connect with others and your relationship with your girlfriend tells me that you probably do not have schizoid personality disorder.

I have major depressive disorder, and I know how hard it is. I am sorry that you have to wait so long to see a doctor. You might want to try calling a hotline in your area, which will allow you to talk to a counselor who may also connect you to some local resources.

I cannot stress enough the importance of telling the people around you what is going on and what you need. It has been enormously helpful for me in my current episode. (I broke down and sent an e-mail to my father telling him that I was struggling, and he drove straight to the airport and took the next flight up to see me.) However, I also know that the depression itself makes it very, very hard for you to ask for help.

The only advice I can give you is to keep living until your next appointment. Use Facebook, watch television or some kind of activity that will occupy you without making you feel worse.

Yeah I think you're right. I am desperate to connect with others, sometimes I feel like I don't want to and I hate other people but I think that's more depression and just general mood than anything else. I have a gf and she's everything - she's all I have because I dont have any local family and I dont have any local friends. I have family about 3hr by plane away from here but I never talk to them. I also have some friends back in NZ.

I have an appointment to see my psych mid-may and another to see a clinical psychologist on May 20. Not sure which one I should keep?? I have spoken to hotlines before and it's so, so awkward. I feel like I'm totally wasting their time and as usual I never know what to say to them!

You're right it is very, very hard to ask for help. It's like the people you do know well enough to tell have heard it all before, and the people that don't know you well enough really don't give a s**t!

Thanks for your advise.. using Facebook and using Google creatively has basically consumed my whole weekend!

It could also be avoidant personality disorder or social anxiety disorder.

Check this out, if this might fit:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cJw0kea2Ms[/youtube]

You could be onto something. That video was weird but... It did feel a bit like me. Although I am not generally that shy (at least until I get past the small talk and have to say something meaningful). I do often feel like I'm being judged, as soon as I feel like I don't know what I'm talking about the anxiety goes up a little.

The problem is talking to someone about it...whatever it is (a personality disorder or aspergers). I just can't... It does seem like a matter if trust actually.. In that I have been to a few psychotherapists before and don't really feel like I truly trust them.. Hmmm

All im going to suggest is that because you found the video weird, it may be another
form of schizotypal disorder or autistic trait. its not that unusual to have a personality disorder as well as having minor or sever autistic traits in individuals, by which case I mean your depression would have contributed to a problem you didn't even know was there. this isn't necessarily a bad thing, but im aware that most people on here think that just because you're older and suffice to say haven't had a diagnosis, then your some kind of weirdo. Actually, it was the 'strangers' that needless to say should have,- yet did not pick up on anything. Im starting to believe that maybe a form of dyspraxia had affected me as an infant, which took me fully into adulthood, with so many forms of depressed circumstances I didn't even assimilate what is with whom or who and how and why anymore..
Lots of many decent people suffer with chronic 'indigestion' but many of them don't know why. your going though a bad patch right now, but don't let that shrink tell you off for being a toadstool. slight reference to minor inferiority complex. I hope you feel better soon.

From what you described, it sounds like you are having a major depressive episode or might have major depressive disorder. You may have had a tendency towards depression which turned into a very serious depression when you moved and left your life (including your friends) behind. Depression can lead to social isolation or vice versa where the social loss causes the depression which leads to further social problems and worsening of depression. Emptiness and social issues can result from depression. Aspergers is a collection of sensory issues and social blindness, which can sometimes lead to depression from feeling overwhelmed, confused, and hurt due to social and other life failures. So which happened first? The depression or social and sensory issues? And by the way....serious depression can alter your brain chemistry to the point of feeling there is something else wrong with you. So the chicken or the egg.....?