Has anyone else with PTSD experianced this?
Sweetleaf
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Ok so I know what event caused the obvious PTSD symptoms I have, but a lot of things that bothered me from my child hood seem to be coming back to the surface. Like I sometimes have slight flashbacks of things that went on in my childhood....I ended up with PTSD in 10th grade because of something that happened at school involving a student getting shot. But fairly recently it seems even things that where somewhat tramatizing in my childhood are tormenting me at times.
So I am not quite sure what is going on with that. Has anyone else experianced anything simular? or know anything about this?
They come back later and out of nowhere, I think, because you may have spent quite a while repressing it. Kind of like when a loved ones dies, and you may have thought you grieved properly over it, but years later, something will trigger a memory of that loved one and all that grief and pain comes rushing back.
I was in a car accident a few years back that gave me PTSD for awhile, and there's still lingering effects. I was napping in the backseat while my friend drove us into town for a very late iHop run (best time to eat breakfast) and we were T-boned by a drunk driver. Threw the car into a ditch. None of us were seriously injured, but after that, I was such a paranoid driver. Every loud screech of someone's tires resonated like a gunshot, and my mind went through every worst case scenario that could happen while I was driving. It still does, it's just not as distracting.
I would suggest seeing someone about it, talking it out with a counselor or therapist if it's affecting your every day life. Even talking with someone who has knowledge of the events that are causing you trouble may help, someone who may understand what you're going through.
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I was in a car accident a few years back that gave me PTSD for awhile, and there's still lingering effects. I was napping in the backseat while my friend drove us into town for a very late iHop run (best time to eat breakfast) and we were T-boned by a drunk driver. Threw the car into a ditch. None of us were seriously injured, but after that, I was such a paranoid driver. Every loud screech of someone's tires resonated like a gunshot, and my mind went through every worst case scenario that could happen while I was driving. It still does, it's just not as distracting.
I would suggest seeing someone about it, talking it out with a counselor or therapist if it's affecting your every day life. Even talking with someone who has knowledge of the events that are causing you trouble may help, someone who may understand what you're going through.
I've already tried therapy, and it feels like they can't help.......and I don't just have lingering effects its actually pretty horrible at times. I am trying to keep it under control but it does not seem to be working out too well. But yes it can be distracting.....i have had worse then a car accident without serious injuries but yeah instead of just being distracted something can trigger hardcore anxiety which I can usually keep under control but the other day something not sure what in psychology class must have triggered it because I started experiancing all the physical symptoms of an anxiety attack and that went on for about 10 minutes before I actually mentally felt anxious. And it was embarrasing because people where glancing at me and trying not to stare
So yeah I don't know what will set it off, how long it will take me to return to a more functional level its like the worst mental disorder possible. Maybe not but I hate how unpredictible it is.
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I worked a package handler job once right after I graduated high school. I accidentally ran up after the package that i accidentally let go into the wrong conveyer belt... it sucked me in and I would have been severly hurt or killed had the shift operator not shut down the entire line. It was stupid, and my bad judgement in weighing the consequences of letting the wrong package up the belt and getting yelled at for it took precedent over breaking every rule in the safety book.
I used to get yelled at a lot, by everyone, from my AS parents, to my teachers, my family, and my peers - I don't handle stress well, and I definitely don't handle being yelled at. Even if I'm at fault, i would appreciate it if people didn't assume I knew what i did to illicit their anger and explain things so that i don't make the same mistake with the next person... people just assumed I knew and behaved that way because Im an as*hole. And because I am sort of a mute, non-verbal aspie, I can't explain or defend myself so the fear of running into that situation is greater then physical pain.
To even bring the memory up sometimes has me shaking violently with my heart beating very fast as I relive being pulled up two stories on a speedy conveyer belt going 30mph. Its rooted in my childhood, and I cannot shake both that event, and my natural default from my upbringing.
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My PTSD was caused by sexual abuse by siblings, but I've also found being in a school setting triggers me. I realized after awhile that I was actually traumatized again by the way my teachers and classmates treated me. Part of what lead me to realize that is reading accounts by people who'd had similar school experiences but didn't experience other traumas, and they described anxiety around school as well.
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At first I was pretty sure the lockdown at my school where a student ended up being shot(don't really want to go into all the details) was what caused the PTSD, but looking back the way I got treated at school and such and some bad experiances with teachers pretty early lin my life probably already had me rather tramatized before that even happened. And now when something kind of shocks me or whatever.....like my mom calling me drunk to invite me to go to the bar(something I would have never expected from her) or instance its like it just triggers the entire process again making it worse.
Also this is a rather embarrasing probable contributing factor, I actually had a pretty bad mushroom trip and I was watching the movie The Wall based on the Pink Floyd album of the same name.....anyways I don't recomend watching that movie on shrooms. And I am sure it did not help the PTSD. Then of course being one who has never been able to experiance the bliss of ignorance............It kind of disturbes me how our society works. Work, to feed the pigs on top basically and everyone is just going along with it for some reason I cannot figure out.
But anyways Its just sometimes hard to go on knowing its not going to go away........and I have to live with it.
I was sexually abused by a teacher in high school and then suppressed the events. I say "suppressed" rather than "repressed" because I didn't completely forget, I just couldn't think about what happened and had it mis-filed in my mind as something consentual. Which it was not at all when I finally looked at it 35 years later. In the meantime, over all those years, I had many anxiety and anger issues and paranoia about people which now that I have unearthed the real trauma I can see were ways of displacing the emotions onto other unpleasant things in my life. It was like I went through every single crappy thing that ever happened to me, feeling angry and depressed and anxious about all of it except the high school abuse. When it finally came out of me, I could see that it was actually the worst thing that ever happened and made everything else look like a picnic and then I had full blown delayed onset PTSD. In the end I discovered that the thing I least suspected was the real cause of my life-long suffering. I think we can minimize the worst stuff and then displace the feelings onto other stuff.
It was horrible to go through this but now I am a lot better.
I wish you well.
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It was horrible to go through this but now I am a lot better.
I wish you well.
I never really supressed any of the things that took place, more just the feelings associated with these things....like when I got done with highschool I tried to ignore it all and just move on......that did not work out so well.
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Alright anyways I did not feel like bumping any other threads of mine so I will just vent about it here.
Well I tried ignoring the PTSD symptoms, being sad and upset over it, feeling weak for having developed the disorder in the first place......and now I am angry about it. Also, I really hate that 'feeling like life is pointless and that I will not get anywere or live much of a life' symptom. It does not help with the depression.
Yes. Every time someone acts like a loud mouth douche towards me it reminds me of my father since I was abused as a kid and I have a hair trigger temper when it comes to this. It literally makes me feel like murdering that person and it happens instantly too. I can go from being calm to being in a murderous rage in a snap. I wouldn't just want to knock the dude out I would want to kick him in the back of his head, stomp on his kidneys, and burn his eyes out with a butane torch.
@Sweetleaf do you ever get this sensation that somehow you're wasting months, years, and you can see time fly by so quickly not because you're enjoying it, but you're somehow merely existing?
@AceOfSpades I assume those are mostly thoughts. Do you ever get violent in reality, though?
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@AceOfSpades I assume those are mostly thoughts. Do you ever get violent in reality, though?
Yes and as far as I know that is a symptom and the fact that I already had depression probably makes that a bit worse. It does bother me of course because even though I cannot say with aboslute certainty things would be any better had I not developed PTSD......it is still frusterating that at the age of 21 I already feel burnt out on life in general. I mean today I actually realised I am going to be 22 on the 19th and it feels like I hardly got to experiance being 21.
I, too, have flashbacks of events dating back to childhood even though it's been 20 years or more. I had some experiences that were awfully traumatic (not going to get into it in detail here), and I'm sure this is what set the stage for the psychological responses I have. I wouldn't go so far as to calling it PTSD, as I don't identify with all the criteria necessary, but I can relate to you at any rate.