I finally figured out what is wrong with me: hypochondria

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As some people here know I've made quite a few topics about my concerns that I might have a mental condition other than Aspergers. I've thought about everything from Bipolar Disorder to Schitzophrania to even Sociopathy, all because I'm aware of the fact that I have some unusual quirks and have come to believe it's because something is wrong with me psychologically.

Well after I spent a few days in a mental hospital because I attempted suicide my doctor officially diagnosed me with depression, but after I started telling her I thought I had other problems like Bipolar she seemed to look at me like I was crazy for thinking I was crazy. That is when it finally hit me, I don't really have anything wrong with me (other than Aspergers which I was diagnosed with years ago), but I'm a big hypochondriac who wants something to be wrong with him psychologically. Hypochondriacs always want to believe they have an illness and start self-diagnosing themselves when they believe they suffer any sort of minor symptom. They are also obsessed with particular types of illness, and for me I believe it's my obsession with the idea of having a mental illness.

It feels so weird that I finally realized this and I know I've been kind of a douchebag about it, but now that I have realized this maybe I can work towards stopping the way I annoy people by trying to convince everyone that I'm crazy. I'm also going to try to cope with my depression and find healthy ways to release my anger and sadness without physically hurting myself, because when I realized that I came so close to actually killing myself on impulse it really did scare me and made me realize something about myself that I don't like.

So anyways I know this might be kind of a pointless topic, but I just want to say that I'm going to try and start being more honest with myself which I think is a good thing.

Nice find i can somewhat relate... however... everytime ive seen someone about a suspicious but insignificant symptom of some kind ive been told "oh it seems you actually have glandular fever" ... "oh you have diabetic blood suger levels, you should get that checked out" "your immune system is very weak from your glandular fever" etc etc

Ive caught little colds and flus which last a few days for everyone else but they last a few weeks for me lately... now im very paranoid about any strange headache or itch or skin defect etc etc...

But im assured ill improve over time ... oooooooooooooh well just unlucky i spose

You know honestly I think I might just be an attention seeker and suffer from one of those factious disorders I've been hearing about. Even when I was a little kid I used to pretend to be sick by forcing myself to throw up and pretending to cough so that I not only got out of school but so that I could get sympathy from the teachers. I think me constantly thinking I have a real mental illness is also part of that. Hell even when I attempted suicide I'm ashamed to say I think I did it just for the sympathy because if I was serious about killing myself I would have tried to swallow those pills when I was alone in the house and not with my Mom standing right there.

Maybe it kind of makes me a bad person to desperately want to have medical problems so that people will feel sorry for me and so that I can blame my own human failings on one condition instead of my own choices. But I can't help but like it when people show compassion towards me when they think something is wrong with me. Maybe it's partly because of the way my Aspergers effects my social skills? I'm not sure.

The fact that you recognize this maladaptive behavior in yourself is a good thing. Most people with this problem do not have this insight. Since you recognize this as a problem, I hope you are getting some therapy for it.
I would recommend a professional that you can discuss this dispassionately with. One problem you may run into by discussing this with family and friends is that they might feel "used". That is probably going to be your biggest hurdle. This behavior is very hard on others.
Hopefully you can use your awareness to better yourself.

You're right, especially after how bad I hurt my mother when I attempted suicide there's no telling what she would do if I told her I did it just for attention, When I go to see my therapist I'm going to try and talk to him/her about this behavior and see what they have to say.

As long as you don't threaten to harm yourself or others, anything you say in a therapist session is confidential. I think telling your mother you did this for attention would be very hurtful!

I'm still waiting for the chance to get to talk to a counselor about this, after I got out of the mental hospital they said they were going to set up a time for me to see one but I don't know when that will be.

I don't really think I have munchaesen, I've never actually tried to hurt myself or other people for attention so it must be something else that's less severe. The closest I've come to doing that is making myself throw up when I wanted people to think I had a stomach virus or when I wanted them to think I was bullimic, but that's only because it's easy for me to do that because I have acid reflux. When I was a little kid I wanted to be sick so I faked being sick often, it got so bad that I almost didn't graduate from High School because I had missed so many days of school. Then it seems like as I got older I wanted something to be mentally wrong with me because I saw on TV the sympathy people get when they have a real mental illness, and while I have Aspergers that doesn't seem to be enough for me to get the love and attention I want.

I learned that people develope factitious disorder usually when they feel neglected as a child. Having Aspergers was bad enough because it effected my social skills and made me very awkard and made friendships very difficult, and then there was the fact that my Mom always worked two jobs and had little time for me, and when my Mom and stepdad divorced when I was 12 he took my sibilings away and I only got to see them on weekends which caused my Mom to be very depressed all the time and I felt as though I was the one who had to take care of her. I think this moving away from my hometown so my Mom could take care of my grandfather made it worst because now all her time is given to taking care of him and my sibilings who live 200 miles away and even though I'm in my 20's and should be ready to be independant I still feel dependant on her yet she's rarely around. Since we moved down here that's when I stated getting more and more obsessed with the idea of having a mental illness and I did a couple of things like trying to be bullimic and suicidal to make people feel sorry for me. Finding out my new stepfather who I came to really like was a liar and a thief really made it a lot worse.

The thing is I do want to be loved but because I have poor people skills it's very hard to find the right friends. I'm glad I have one really good friend but because he has muscular dytrophy and is slowly getting more sick over time I have a feeling he won't be around much longer and once he's gone I will no longer have anybody in my life who cares about me so absolutely.

I believe I might have something but I definitely don't "want" there to be something wrong with me.

This "something" might simply be aspergers, but I'll have to wait until I get official word from the psychiatrist before making a determination.