Obsessing over self-diagnosing

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Whenever I go through periods of extreme social isolation I noticed I begin obsessing over labeling myself with something. I start seeking an explanation for why I am so different from everyone else and why I struggle so much with social interaction - why I feel so exhausted during it or afterwards, why I find it boring, why other people just seem to know so intuitively what is meant to be said or done etc.
I've been to therapy. Most therapists are very eager to diagnose me with social anxiety, probably because it's easy to do and most obvious. I once went to a therapist who diagnosed me with social anxiety with a single 1h appointment - she said I was good at communicating - while completely ignoring the fact that I barely made eye contact (I guess "shy people tend to stare at the floor"), missed some of the figurative language she used, and mostly just talked about myself and my opinions (some of the conversation was an interview). I also don't think an appointment with a professional in an office environment can recreate what happens in a common daily social situation.
I very clearly have social anxiety and I am not denying it (but I don't think my anxiety in social situations is irrational). I just feel like it doesn't explain all the things I do. I went to another therapist who seemed to blame everything on anxiety; "your anxiety is probably contributing to your sensory issues" - what should I do then, go on benzos for the rest of my life?
I go through this cycle of reading about several disorders for hours every day in hopes of finding a category I can put myself into. It's a waste of time, and I wish I could stop doing that - I am too biased and have no training for this type of diagnosis. Then again every professional I see completely ignores my issues or think them as something else they are more familiar with - maybe they're right and it's just social anxiety, who knows, at this point I'm too biased and it's not what I want to hear.
Today I've already wasted three hours of my life. Not counting the 30 minutes I wasted typing this text (because I review everything I write over and over again).

I did the exact same thing with gender, years ago.
I think it's outright obsessiveness. I know that applies to me.
But it's also natural for an intelligent person to have a problem, and then seek an answer that they can be satisfied with, that explains away that problem. And if you think about your thought process, it could actually be a sound one - for example perhaps you find the perfect category for yourself that explained all your behaviour, there would likely then be treatment strategies connected to that which don't involve a lifetime of benzos. In a systematized manner of sequential reasoning, without first identifying the problem, there can be no progression to researching strategies about how to deal with that problem and arriving at a solution.
That is what I found with gender. I spent years obsessing about it, but in the end it paid off - I found out what the name of my problem was, and when I had that name, it led me to organizations who could help me address that problem.
Now, all I'm obsessing about is progressing with the solution - namely, not fast enough.
But I've been able to let the endless analyzing and obsessing about and researching and thinking about every facet of my behaviour around that issue go completely. I just don't need to do that anymore, because I understand every facet of the problem now, and have a very clear trajectory of how it is to be addressed, and solved.
Maybe you just haven't got there yet?

Even if you categorize yourself into various disorders, you put your own spin on each and every category. Among autists, it has been said that "if you meet one person with autism, you have met one person with autism."

So, if I were you, I would focus on the parts of your categories which are mostly your own creations. In this way, you can recognize that you might have one or more categories in your life, but a lot of yourself goes into making them your own.

That's exactly what I am trying to do, but right now I feel like I am just running in circles and not coming to any conclusion. Specially because I have very poor memory of my childhood - I remember some things that I did or that I enjoyed doing but I do not recall what my behavior was like, and I do not remember my relationship with my peers at all.
Maybe my poor memory could be explained by the fact that there was a time I almost starved myself (parents told me I refused to eat anything that wasn't nuggets or banana shakes), I don't know. Also I am quite hesitant about approaching my parents with the possibility I might have ASD, because they just dismiss every problem I bring up to them - "you know how to make friends, you just don't want to" - and they are not very aware of any atypical behavior I exhibit (probably because I am an only child and therefore they have no reference point).

I feel like I could have written this post, are you me?? haha. Sorry I don't have much advice, but I know what you mean. It gets to a point where, even knowing people say the label doesn't matter and some category might not really fix things, it feels like it just isn't even an option and there absolutely has to be a better answer.
Have therapists also tried to push CBT and/or exposure therapy on you, without it ever really working much?

I know you don't want to take bezos for the rest of your life & they're not meant to be taken regularly long term but you could try the med Buspar. It's specially for anxiety & NOT a benzo. It's meant to be taken long-term like antidepressants for example but since it's specially for anxiety & not an antidepressant or benzo or anything there's less chance of mental side-effects. I haven't noticed any side-effects on it but I know some people have noticed physical 1s but not everyone.

It also may help to have a benzo on hand if you have panic attacks or occasional situations where your more anxious than usual but I would try Buspar 1st.

Maybe you could think of psych meds as a tool to help improve your anxiety for a while so you can take steps to improve it in the real world. Like maybe you'd be better in social situations if you weren't as anxious & then 1ce you work on that a while the meds may not be needed.

My last therapist - I don't know if this is what CBT is all about - she told me to mostly focus on the positives of my life (such as making lists of all the things I am grateful for etc) to counteract all the negatives and failures I've had. That kind of stuff really doesn't work on me - I see the negatives and I want to fix them. She also said my problems with making friends could be because I need to "open up to people" - I still have a hard time understanding what exactly this means.



I studied a bit of pharmacology myself and when I read about buspirone I felt that was almost too good to be true. From what I've gathered it seems to be a hit and miss medication, regarding side effects and overall effectiveness. Also it's kind of unclear how good it actually is against specific phobias, it's mostly targeted towards people who suffer from GAD (which I probably do too - though the therapists I went to only saw social phobia).
Currently I take propranolol (because what bothers me the most about anxiety are the physiological symptoms) which I found to be a good tool to kind of desentisize myself in anxiety-inducing situations. Also I did feel my anxiety in social situations has reduced a lot ever since I kind of just accepted myself as being socially inept, now I no longer pressure myself to do well in social situations.
I scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist and it was a waste of time, the man prescribed me a TCA and wanted to prescribed me benzos but I stopped him right there - I really don't want to take that stuff. I really hate going to doctors because a lot of them have bloody superiority complexes and don't like it when their patients contest their choice of treatment/diagnosis or whatever.

I've researched psych meds abit myself. Buspar really does seem to be a hit & miss med but I'm glad it's working for me. I found it made it easier for me to socialize but that's mostly cuz I was avoiding situations due to feeling anxious. Some or a lot of that may be related to panic-disorder which it helps a lot with. There's a chance it may help if you do decided to try it but just start with a really low dose & stay on that for a while.
I take propranolol too but I take it for Essential Tremors. I haven't noticed any improvement with my anxiety on it but I'm on other psych meds so maybe that's some of it. I'm glad your anxiety has reduced some.
I know what you mean about the psychiatrist. I saw one in my early 20s when I was suffering from a psychotic depression & she didn't really listen to my treatment ideas. I didn't really feel like my depression was better till i weaned myself off all the meds after being on psych meds for 5 years. I've had much better luck researching meds myself & getting my GP to prescribe them but I'm lucky that she listens to me. I've also lied in the past & said I tried something before when I really didn't to get it prescribed. TCAs are not good choices for 1st trying antidepressants.