Self defeating personality.

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I feel so dysfunctional, sometimes I don't even know exactly who I am..........I just feel like any potential I have is blocked by all my self defeating qualities. When reality sucks I try and escape, when I was a kid it was innocent things like reading or getting lost in my own little world. Now I am more likely to put myself in more or less risky situations or abuse drugs including alcohol. I just don't feel like things are going very well........and I don't understand why I have such a strong desire to deviate from the norm. I mean naturally I do deviate due to my AS symptoms and symptoms of other disorders but I don't have any desire to become normal. So yeah is it possible to have a personality that prevents you from getting anywhere in this f*cked up society.

I feel very similar. I f*****g hate my life. I am dying slowly wasting time. I hate no identity......I never had........it has just taken me a long time maturing and thinking about it to realize.

I have no idea what to do with my life, but it is obvious that anything resembling normality was never in my cards.

Yeah pretty much, and it just feels like I have no purpose......I mean what the hell am I here for? to fail at everything I do.

Do you at times feel like your not even there?....that despite the fact the people are looking at you and talking you but you don't feel anything at all. It's just empty - like a void.

Yeah I feel like that rather frequently.

This happens to me also only because my family is constantly causing paranoia in my life, So I usually don't know what to do. I have tried to take fish oils and the b vitamins to help me out. The b-vitamins seems to help me and the fish oils. Maybe give those a try.

Yeah I have tried things like that, and that does not seem to really help a whole lot. I mean I am sure it has health benifits.....but it does not do much in the way of making me feel any better psychologically. But yeah its partially my mom and her boyfriend that cause me some stress and paranoia....I just want them to more or less leave me alone and let me choose my own path. Sometimes I guess one just has to accept the sort of person they are......and the next step since I've more or less gotten that far is to stop caring so much what others might think of it.

I feel like if I could just be open even if it did shock or bother my family it would relieve a lot of my stress because then everything would be out in the open. rather then worrying about 'if they find this out about me what will they do' I would worry about 'oh they're pissed about this so how should I react and what's my plan now.'

It is society that is greedy and dysfunctional, not you.

Yes I am insane by societies standards, and society is insane by my standard...that is the conclusion I've come to.

I've had a self-defeating personality for a lot of my life. I still do, to some extent, but it is better than it was. I have done a lot of CBT over the years and it has been helpful. I can now specifically name the emotions I'm feeling most of the time, which means I can usually figure out what triggered them, and then I can look at my "tool box" of ways of dealing with specific emotions. It has taken several attempts for me to learn to use CBT effectively, and I am definitely not perfect at it, but I seem to be doing better these past few months that I've really been working on using it. It's not a quick fix by any means, but it is worth looking in to, or trying it again if you have already tried it. I hope this is helpful.

I attempted it and it did not help any, certainly not worth it when at the moment I have no form of income whatsoever and could not afford it. Besides I feel I am doing fine considering my situation, even if I can only see things continuing to go downhill, it does not matter to me anymore........and even this response here is kind of self defeating I mean you're trying to be helpful and all I can do is immeadietly think up all the reasons why I don't want to try CBT again and why it would be useless to try again. .

Personaly I don't believe in blaming the society. I know it's very temping but it's not a good way of thinking. I personaly like blaming the women because I never had a girlfriend, and I nearly never get laid, but but doing so I feel like it's not my fault I feel it's me against them, I become even more detached to the world, but this is a dead end way. Society does not suck, you don't live in Afganistan, you live in a free country full of opportunities, you just need to stop looking only at the bad part of it. However, the problem you describe sound very familiar to me. I also tend to sabotage myself, be it in my professional life, in my love life, in my friend life, even artistic life. I can play guitar quite good when I'm alone, but if I play when somebody is around, I just can't play anymore, what I could do effortless alone gets just impossible when someone is here.

Well I cannot totally blame society, but that certainly played a role.....I don't really feel like going into all the details about how I feel society is partially to blame for my current mental state at the moment though. At an early age it was made clear to me that I did not fit the social norms and thus was to be treated like crap until I conformed.......well I never conformed I did attempt suicide once though when I was 15 because I could not handle it all anymore.

Genetics, environment(including the society I live in, home environment, school environment), probably the lack of oxegen at birth are most likely the major contributers to why I feel the way I do.

I disagree about society not sucking, just because its not Afganistan does not make it great.....I think consumer culture is freaking disgusting work, work work, buy, buy, buy, work, buy..........die. I do not like the massive division between the super wealthy and very poor, somethings not right when the supposedly wealthiest nation has people living on the streets even in the cold of winter. Not to mention I can't even get any sort of adequate healthcare coverage. Other then that though it all seems to be about either find a way to function normally in society........or you're f*cked. And do not even get me started on the War on Drugs. Now I could go on about this all day, but there are a number of reasons I would say without a doubt that this society sucks. Hell now apparently people get arrested and brutalized by cops for dancing in a public park according to a youtube video I saw via facebook.......so I rest my case.

Tell me something postive about this society..........go ahead, I'm open minded I just see a lot more bad than good. Growing up as an outcast allowed me much time to simply observe and see all the flaws. When I look I hardly see a free country full of oppurtunities......ha what opportunities? the opportunity to go in debt with college when I never was college material? I simply cannot make myself focus on the good things and forget all that and be happy, and I cannot make myself conform in such a way I could suceed in any way in this society.

im similar with reguards to when someone is watching i feel like if i mess up its worse than if i messe up on my own... 'well nobodies around' :) ever see sum1 hurt themselve and pretend nothing happened ahha when u kno they did, well its funny when ur not the guy hahah

Or maybe I live in a self defeating society and my personality is fine veiwing it that way makes me feel better.

lol same, it cant really be changed, when i was at school it was all about respecting ppl in wheelchairs or other physical disabilities, even now my kids at nursery and its very similar ignorance but its about muslims... not going to get in to a religous discussion. but society needs to evolve, its ppl who rnt special that need to move out the way and let the predessors take over! me for pm hahhaa hope u all have a good new year. times will be better, times will be worse. p.s. if u saw me u would be like 'chav' haha i dnt mind being judged like a book cover, its the people that open the book that count.