When I get sensory overload, I become extremely agitated. I begin imagining myself hurting the people who caused it and listening to their screams. Then, possibly out of guilt, I experience suicidal thoughts.
Similar things also happen when I become frustrated and hopeless, as they just did. A few minutes ago, I got frustrated over nothing (I'm still not entirely sure what set me over the edge) and became angry. I pictured myself brutally shoving someone into a wall and threatening them. These thoughts were immediately followed by a sudden urge to slit my wrist. I knew I shouldn't do it. I looked at my wrist and found that the small distance between the surface of my skin and my veins worried me; I didn't do it.
The frightening thing is, it takes very little to set me off. One startling sound sends me spiraling into my own personal hell. In two seconds I transition from content to angry, homicidal, and depressed.
I'm wondering if this is BPD, as I've had a sort of dissociation problem. I generally feel nonexistent and unimportant.
03 Apr 2014, 12:03 am
