I really need help with my anxiety right now...
(this is for emotional support, not computer problems)
So as an aspie I've got an attachment to my computer, right now I'm at my laptop, which is fine, but my desktop is a mess and I'm at the point where the only choice I have left is to completely restore it and backup files.
Even though I know this happens from time to time with Windows on a machine that's been over 1 to even two years, I can't help but shake frantically, get sick at the thought, get headachey, feel like I want to cry, can't eat. I generally can't function when my computer is on the fritz. Mostly when I have to do the work to fix it. I won't pay someone to do it for me, because I know that I know enough to do it on my own. I did take a Xanax fortunately and I'm a little calmer, but it's not enough. The headache is still there, there' still a little bit of franticness and tightness in the chest that I've been battling for a long time. Generally I feel like crap. I have one friend irl that I can talk to, but of course not at night. Generally I prefer women to calm me down. I'm a bit bleh when it comes to trying to get help from my male friends as far as anxiety support and other mental/emotional supports.
I've gone through hating my anxiety tendencies, hating that I have asperger's (because that's where the fixation with computers comes from, so when that goes wrong, I freak like now), and hating my life.
But what if restoring it doesn't work? What then? I had planned, later in the year when I have more money to work with and less debt, to just practically make it a new computer. No reason there should be anything going wrong there. The computer is at least 2 and a half. I still consider that not very old. September 2009, I think it was bought. It's a brand name machine, which I won't do again, since I know enough to put them together myself.
*sigh* I just want this anxiety to end. I want to be done with it. But I know I'll have it again and again and again, so long as I am a computer geek aspie.
I agree with Cathylynn, only get some exercise first, then a shower, then some nice, quiet music in a dimly lit room, followed by some rest. Then tackle the computer tomorrow, after you get some rest. when we exercise our bodies release endorphins, which are mood boosting, and the exercise itself burns off some of that anxious energy. A shower and quiet music in a dim room afterwards are calming. So don't fret, just take those easy steps and you should feel better tomorrow.
P.S. I think we are supposed to set the clocks ahead tonight, but I'm not sure.?????
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If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured, or far away.--Henry David Thoreau
I understand how you feel about your computer, my iMac started pooping out on me seriously about six months ago and I knew it was getting worse, and it made me feel sick thinking about it. My computer is my connection to friends and to music!
I did backup my files on an external drive so when it finally pooped out I didnt feel quite as sick about it. And I have a netbook for the time being until I can get my iMac fixed.
I think it is great that you are going to build your own new computer. Your anxiety may get a little better if you build your own computer in such a way that it doesnt rely on only one copy of the files, if you backup routinely I bet your anxiety will decrease.
I hope you feel better soon. A little camomile tea and a hot shower might help, other posters are smart about these things.
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Your Aspie score: 165 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 48 of 200
EQ 12 SQ 70 = Extreme Systemizer
I am not an aspie, but I do get anxious.
All of these suggestions are great.
In the long term, have you heard of or considered the practice of mindfulness? Particularly mindfulness of emotions.
Learning mindfulness helped me deal with anxiety, not by taking it away, but by learning to tolerate it. Because I can tolerate a certain amount of anxiety now I don't get anxious because of the anxiety. Basically it slows down or stops the escalation of the emotion.
The anxiety response is just your brain's way of telling you that there is a problem to be solved. The anxiety is meant to be there.
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