Intense anxiety with depersonalization

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Joined: 10 May 2005
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10 Jun 2013, 11:18 am

Over the past few weeks, I've been having intense anxiety with depersonalization: It's made things like stimming seem very mechanical, and therefore unpleasant, and I've had to pace and pace in a way that my legs are sore, like I've been using them to drill something. This is very unpleasant, and has been accompanied by a plethora of other symptoms. I've left a message with my doctor telling her this is getting unbearable.

I've tried sleeping which is still possible and helps, but I don't sleep long enough, meaning I've got more of this to look forward to. At work, I can't sleep, so I have to periodically get up and pace.

Have you guys experiencing this before?

Luath
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10 Jun 2013, 2:44 pm

And you don't know what exactly is causing this anxiety you're experiencing?
In my perspective that would be the key factor, seeing as depersonalization is a defense mechanism of the mind to try and help cope with the anxiety.
Because you're so anxious your mind will make you go on automatic, so you won't have to experience the overload of feelings and other stimulations.

beneficii
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10 Jun 2013, 3:13 pm

Luath wrote:

Well, it started when my therapist wanted to try to eliminate my stims, back in mid-May. Even though that issue has been resolved and he won't try to do that anymore, I still feel anxious, so now basically, I am feeling anxious about nothing, it seems.

Luath
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11 Jun 2013, 3:35 am

beneficii wrote:

Luath wrote:

Interesting--Like a phanthom pain in the mind. I do wonder why exactly he would try to eliminate your stims.
It seems to me that you would only initiate such a trial when the stims become 'too much' and withdraw you too much.

However, it seems to me that there is some sort of 'residual' stress about eliminating those stims, which results in anxiety now still.
Maybe there would be some benefit in trying to identify the anxiety as the aforementioned, and trace through the bits of it to remind yourself that you no longer need to feel anxiety about eliminating the stims.

It may not be much, but such things can't be treated over the internet so easily. I hope you hear something from your doctor soon, and that you will be able to consult your therapist about these feelings as well.

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11 Jun 2013, 8:37 am

Luath wrote:

beneficii wrote:

Luath wrote:

Thanks. I did call and leave a message with my psychiatrist about this, so I hope she can provide something for the anxiety. I do notice I do have anxiety over the appropriateness of my restricted interests, during which engendering I usually stim; I feel anxiety from all the attempts to eliminate them.

Unfortunately, the anxiety has extended to the stims themselves seeming mechanical and no longer rewarding, which I think is depersonalization/derealization. This adds a whole other layer of unpleasantness. Maybe I should post this on a DP/DR support group, as well? Thanks for your help.

Luath
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11 Jun 2013, 9:51 am

It is indeed a symptom of such alterations of experience, in my opinion.
It seems very similar to what I used to experience--and still experience from time to time.

You could always look into it to see if you can find anything that is applicable to yourself.
And if there's not a thread that helps; you could post this like you said.

If you have any questions you can PM me if you'd like.

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11 Jun 2013, 10:02 am

Luath wrote:

Thanks. This mechanization of my things doesn't just apply to stims, but also to other things, like work, eating, using the bathroom, etc.

beneficii
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11 Jun 2013, 7:49 pm

Well, I was able to get approved to get off work 2 hours early, about the amount of time I would want--I wouldn't want longer because I'd lose too much pay. I went home and went to sleep, which is my bastion of safety against the anxieties which trouble me; this was at 5:15. At 6, I woke up with a funky feeling in my head, which I've had for a while. There was a phone call, and I answered it, but it had rolled over to voicemail just before. They left a message saying to call them back and I thought they said urgent, but when I called back it went to answering service and I was angry and let loose on the guy. Eventually, I checked the message again and it said it wasn't urgent. I then called my dad and talked to him about stuff, but he got all lecturing on me and I let loose on him too.

Boy, was I irritable!

Luath
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12 Jun 2013, 3:36 am

beneficii wrote:

Oh, that's not very pleasant.
Could it be that you were thrown out of your routine by the change in your sleeping pattern?
That's what I usually experience when I sleep at inappropriate times--I will feel alienated, lose track of time, and be very irritable.
This stems from the fact that I attach alot of value to these patterns and I already feel sort of alienated by the DP/DR feeling.

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12 Jun 2013, 7:46 am

Luath wrote:

beneficii wrote:

No. My sleeping pattern is always erratic and messed up, though it is even more so lately. It's just sometimes after sleeping, I get a feeling of funk, and apparently I get irritable.

EDIT: By "funk," I mean my head feels like there's a toxic cloud being belched out.

Luath
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12 Jun 2013, 11:29 am

Oh, I see. Do you also get sort of mind-blocks?
For example: you're doing something, or talking to someone, and suddenly don't know what to do anymore.
It's like you can't think properly, because your head feels so filled with some sort of 'cloud'.

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13 Jun 2013, 3:10 am

Spoke with psychiatrist. She thinks it's akathisia and changed me from Abilify to Latuda. She's added Clonazepam for now while Ability works its way out of my system.

As for blocking, sometimes, but I can usually recover.

Luath
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13 Jun 2013, 4:15 am

beneficii wrote:

Oh, that's good. It seems it should good better soon then

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13 Jun 2013, 11:33 am

Luath wrote:

When I'm working on something on the computer, like a project, my mind will periodically go blank and I will find myself staring at the side of the monitor or something. I can usually use the stuff that is up to work my way back into whatever I was working on, though. I've always attributed it to my mind needing a break.

I think that is blocking.

Luath
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13 Jun 2013, 12:07 pm

Yes, that what I meant with 'mind-blocks'. I was wondering if you had them too, because I do and don't know if I should ascribe these specific blocks to AS or DP-ish symptoms. I have more severe blocks as well (shutdowns, actually), but I know these are because of sensory overload.

I've been wondering about these specific blocks, but I think for me they're AS related as I haven't had much DP symptoms, yet still have the blocks.

Thanks for helping

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13 Jun 2013, 6:29 pm

Luath wrote:

I think it can be related to psychosis. Basically, it represents issues with your thought processes that may make you more vulnerable.

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