Borderline Personality Disorder
Hi MightyMorphin! Welcome to Wrong Planet! Check out the many interesting and helpful forums here. I am not comorbid with this, but do have AvPD, and EFD along with my Asperger's. I think the EFD--Executive Function Disorder gives me the most trouble of those three. I can handle being a non social introvert okay, and the sensory problems okay because I live alone, so I don't have to socialize at home, and can control much of my sensory environment. I also don't go out much due to other health problems. I do have some problem with processing overloads, but that can't really be avoided on the spectrum. However, my EFD problems affect me in all aspects of my life, whether I live alone or with others.
This site has a lot of info on Autism/Asperger's and on comorbid conditions. The forums also cover many topics, and not just spectrum issues. Check out the site. Hope you enjoy it. I do!
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If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured, or far away.--Henry David Thoreau
Prior to figuring I had HFA or the Ilk last fall, I've been through the mental health merry-go-round for the last third of my life being labeled, schiziod, schizotypal, avoidant, social phobia, schizoaffective, disorganized schizophrenia, bipolar I mixed state while ignoring physical anomalies my GP noted but they never spoke to.
Diagnosed BPD and Residual Schizophrenic on August 2002.
I can sort of see the point of it back then, but the only thing I'm Borderline about nowadays is the topic of my obsession, which is someone I don't even know IRL, but I'm like a Borderliner about it in many ways. For example, I kept the candy I had in my bag and my text messages from the night I saw him live, which is 'classic' Borderline behaviour. Though I accidentally erased the texts recently... Other things about my obsession which might mimic Borderline behaviour:
* Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment - trying not to do the 'wrong' thing to not keep him from coming back (involves a degree of magical thinking)
* A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. - My feelings for Mac range from internally calling him an idiot, and honestly claiming he's a genius and the best ever like he claims he is.
* Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging - If I had the means a while ago, I would have moved to Liverpool... Which is, to be honest, silly. Mind you, my plan wasn't to meet him or anything like that.
* And most of the mood disorder-like symptoms...
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Double X and proud of it / male pronouns : he, him, his
I just read this and one thing I am concerned about is the fact that even in my psychology class, we were told BPD is very difficult to treat. Because of that, most therapists will not take people with the disorder. For years I had no treatment because I was diagnosed with it at one time and no one wants to treat it. Anyone run into this?
If you'll get rid of the classification, you'll get rid of the difficulty. There are enough opinions in the medical community that BPD is a set of learnt behaviours as a result of abuse/neglect. I suggest to treat those who were poorly dealt with for PTSD, and thus acknowledge the root cause if it exists.
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Double X and proud of it / male pronouns : he, him, his
I haven't been diagnosed with BPD, but sometimes I wonder if I might have it and if I should bring it up to my psychiatrist, since there are many things I neglect to tell him about.
I go through the idealization/devaluation thing in regards to my relationships with other people, and even my special interests. The way I treat others when I go through periods of "devaluation" has caused me to burn bridges with a lot of people. (figuratively speaking, meaning doing something that hurts the other person so badly that you can't stay friends with them)
I have a lack of a concrete identity. I base my a lot of my identity on whatever my special interests are, which makes it hard when I devalue them and struggle to find other interests, only to start idealizing my old interests again. Furthermore, it feels like my sexual/gender identity is subject to change every couple of months. Some months I'm attracted to girls and think I must be lesbian, some months I'm attracted to men and think I must be straight. Some months I want to dress as a man, some months I want to dress as a woman.
I engage in impulsive and self-harm behaviors on a regular basis. When I'm feeling stressed, I spend money on things I don't particularly want or need. I have several boxes in the garage of DVDs I never watch and books I never read, and various collections and hobbies I've tried to start but decided not to pursue. I am also prone to emotional/binge eating. As for self-harm, I compulsively pick at my skin. I like it when it hurts and I like it when it bleeds. I like the scars it leaves behind. When I was a teenager I wanted to kill myself and made a few half-hearted attempts at it.
The only symptom of BPD I'm not sure if I have is "frantic efforts to avoid abandonment". I do become extremely upset when my mom (who I almost constantly idealize) has to work a lot of late shifts in a row, or when she spends time with other family members besides me. I also cling to the hope that my former best friend and love interest will one day decide to pursue a relationship with me. I would have kept things that she gave me when we were still friends, but my mom forced me to get rid of them. I used to call her house every year around her birthday and Christmas, but I eventually stopped because I was afraid she'd accuse me of stalking her.
I'm quite sure I read the same thing about Schizoaffective disorder. Not sure what to make of that, there's probably a level of co-morbidity between that and BPD as well.
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Double X and proud of it / male pronouns : he, him, his
I was misdiagnosed with BPD for little while. My psychiatrist stopped listening to me completely. I do have bipolar disorder and I was manic, but I think my manic episodes don't present completely like non-autistic bipolar folk because of my comorbid AS. I get more talkative, but not more socially adept. I'm prone to monologuing but only occasionally do I display pressured speech. I don't enjoy being around people more - my sensory sensitivities get amplified when I'm manic, so I'm more likely to shut myself up alone in my room, painting rabbits on the wall and only venturing to the grocery store at 2 in the morning when no one will be there, if I eat at all.
But anyway, my psychiatrist decided that the bipolar disorder wasn't an issue at all. Meanwhile I'm going into his office complaining that I might be well on the way to having a manic episode. He stopped listening to me and decided there was nothing wrong with me that he could fix. I moved to another city a few weeks later and that pushed me over the edge and I wound up in the hospital. They took the BPD label and decided I wasn't really suicidal or ill, just manipulative, and sent me home. I was desperate, because I was constantly thinking of suicide, so I went back to the hospital the next night and they finally decided to admit me, and they put me in a DBT group while I was there.
I only spent a couple of days in the hospital, because I was being treated really badly and I felt like I'd rather take my chances on the outside. Of course, this made them believe I was Borderline even more, because to them, I was just manipulating my way into the hospital and then after a few days, I would "get bored" and want to leave.
After they released me, they sent me to a BPD specialist, and she tested me and talked to me and we had maybe 3 sessions before she said "You don't have Borderline Personality Disorder." And then she stopped seeing me, because she only treated Borderline patients.
After that, the medical professionals magically stopped treating me like I was a manipulative bastard and started treating me like a patient. My current psychiatrist confirmed the diagnosis of Bipolar and doesn't discount my experiences at all. I wish the medical profession didn't treat Borderline patients like that. I'm glad to no longer have that label, and I feel sad for all the people that probably really need help but no one will help them.
I have a friend who really does have Borderline Personality Disorder, and he is also struggling with an eating disorder. I took part in a really good outpatient eating disorder program, and it probably would have helped him but they denied him access to it because of his Borderline diagnosis.
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Transgender. Call me 'he' please. I'm a guy.
Diagnosed Bipolar and Aspergers (questioning the ASD diagnosis).
Free speech means the right to shout 'theatre' in a crowded fire.
--Abbie Hoffman
Didgeeeee
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 20 Apr 2012
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 73
Location: Somewhere in Saturn's A ring!
I was misdiagnosed, but I can relate with trying to access the right help.
During my difficult adolescence I was diagnosed with BPD. My initial diagnosis was depression. I began to display BPD behaviours shortly after starting drug therapy. The only BPD symptoms I had prior to that was anger, and suicidal ideation, that lasted for one week. I never met the criteria, but I was diagnosed with it, anyway.
After the diagnosis, everything changed. As time went by, I got worse on the drugs. The dose was increased and I sunk deeper into despair. All I could think about was suicide and self-injury. It was horrible, and new to me. My anger intensified and I became defiant. No one wanted to help me. They gave up, because I wasn't responding to the medication. I kept telling them I did not have the disorder, but no one listened. Their response, "You are in denial." I was a joke to them, and BPD justified their rudeness and arrogance. Finally, I had enough and quit the pills. The behaviours immediately stopped. Shortly after, I told psychiatry to **** off.
The ordeal left me traumatized. Getting help for my real struggles was extremely difficult. Six years later, I went through a depression with psychotic features. These psychotic symptoms were way beyond the kind found in BPD, and they dragged on for 14 months. I could not function. My GP had to deal with me, because I refused to see a psychiatrist. There was no way, I was going to let anyone treat me like dirt again.
When you get labelled with BPD, the doctors give up. It blinds them. Once they see that diagnosis on a discharge summary, it impairs their judgement. Forget about an impartial assessment. I have AS and most of the doctors I dealt with knew it, but did nothing. They would tell me, "I think you are autistic." The BPD diagnosis prevented a full and thorough assessment.
Psychiatry thinks people with BPD are evil and needy, who just want to cause trouble. (Don't disrupt the orderly world of psychiatry and you are safe!) BPDers are seen as ER frequent flyers, who want to manipulate staff into admitting them. They are seen this way, because they don't respond to medications and traditional therapy. It is easy to treat an Axis 1 disorder with a medication, but not Axis 2. It is psychiatry discriminating against the very people they are supposed to help. The stigma associated with BPD is worse than schizophrenia.
Anyone with BPD should seek the services of a mental health professional, who specializes in the disorder. There is hope for recovery. Just don't go to a pessimistic shrink or the ER.
Several people have diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder (most recently in the hospital a week ago and of course my schizoaffective disorder) but I think they are wrong. I DO have some of the symptoms though. Especially the self harm. When people see that in the hospital or at the doctors, that is the absolute first thing they see. I also have problems with the family. It is a love hate relationship. Sometimes I absolutely love my family and it can be the next second that I want to kill myself due to my family. They are good people though. Then the sudden mood swings, the depersonalization, and psychosis. I also have black and white thinking to the extreme. Sometimes I have the anger problems and get violent (mainly toward my brother when he is arguing) that is a new thing with me. I hit him and kick him sometimes. I know that is awful but no one in the world has seen how bad he argues outside of friends and family. I always worry that my family will kick me out (I know they said they won't though) but since I am 29 and have severe problems I don't know. I know that my family has threatened my brother several times because of his severe arguing. I explode in anger sometimes. I cuss constantly when I am angry. I just looked it up and I have several of the symptoms. No wonder why the hospital saw it in me. Sucks.
You think they are wrong but just admitted all the symptoms you tick? It is possible to get help for BPD you know I think you have BPD to be honest, you're just like me xD
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