Self acceptance and fully embraced differences

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Hi

I have posted here as but it applies to everyone using the website really. I basically wanted to know if anyone has found peace with themselves even with their challenges, and if so how. The reason that I am asking this question, is that I am at a place in my life when I finally want to stop trying to find out what is 'wrong' or different about me in order to fit in. I want to accept and embrace myself because of who I am and all that goes with it rather than 'fix' myself. I would welcome advice.

I used to have panic attacks in social situations, I still have anxiety around people, depression (mainly to do with people and social interaction). I am introvert, shy, highly sensitive, socially on a different wavelength to many people which frustrates me. I seem to be on a different place altogether regarding small talk and socialising. How much is to do with childhood bullying/traumas/stress and to do with my mom's hysterical over reactions and aversion to my shyness and how much is neurological I don't know but I suspect it is a bit of both. My father struggled with psychosis and seems to have an aspergers type lean as does my older brother and my older son, so a mixed bag of possibilities really.

I still don't fully accept myself 100% but I do a lot better than I did a couple of years ago. I'm finally starting to realize that yes, I am different, yes I do have some disabilities, yes, there are lots of things about me that I can't change. These past couple of years have taught me a lot about myself.

I like this attitude. I try to accept a lot of things about myself, too.

• I have my ups & downs (bipolar), but that's okay
• I'm not a genius at social interactions (Asperger's), but that's okay
• I'm not suited to be in a relationship (asexual), but that's okay
• I have some aches and pains and fatigue (Lyme disease), but that's okay

Everyone has challenges they face in life, and these are mine. I try to just accept it and do the best with what I've been given!

I've pretty much come to terms with myself, although it's taken a long time.

There's one thing to remember: things that other people do are never about you, it's always about themselves. Your mother's hysteria is rooted in her own feelings of inadequacy either as a parent or in other areas. The way other people treat you is rooted in their own psychology.

As for accepting and embracing one's self, that's the hardest part. You've got to make the decision that you are the way you are and you're OK with it. When you seek to improve yourself, don't do it to make anybody else accept you more. Do it for yourself, because you want to do it.

Your weaknesses as well as your strengths make you who you are, and there's no guarantee that anything would be any better for you--or that you would be a better person--if all your problems were suddenly solved. Just remember: whatever troubles you face, whatever you do, you can get through. You have in the past; you will now. You have every faculty you need to live your life.

It sounds like you have made positive changes in order to relate to yourself with kindness. That is a wonderful way to treat yourself.

Lucywlf is correct to say that other people's behaviours are not about you. One of my favorite authors, Melodie Beattie, wrote that in recovery (a recovery from trying to fix other people while neglecting and disliking ourselves), our goal is to "accept reality and hold people accountable for their behaviours". Accepting reality means being aware of our own strengths and weaknesses instead of pretending problems aren't there, or thinking if just this would be different or that would be different, everything would be how we want. If people's behaviours are bad or distressing or unhealthy, we acknowledge that we can't fix it up or tell them what to do. They will struggle with their mess until they are ready to let it go. But that doesn't mean we let people treat us like a doormat or put up with intolerable behaviours over and over.

Keep being kind to you. Practice accepting the praise others may give you. Appreciate your progress, without comparing yourself to others. The phrase "comparing your insides to other's outsides" comes to mind. I think it means that someone else may look put together, and you may feel like a chaotic mess inside, but that doesn't mean that they have life figured out and you are "behind" or need to catch up. They might have a hot mess inside where no one can see it.

Good luck on your project, it is worthwhile

It has taken most of my life and the patience of a long term partner (who paid dearly but remains a friend). I like myself, I accept myself fully and like living in my own skin. My problems have been mostly with work. Not getting a job, not keeping a job, my evaluations are always very good. But I have to constantly learn and re-learn. If I don't use the knowledge daily, I have to re-learn it. I have to keep notes about most of my tasks, and the field just keeps expanding with ever increasing demands and responsibilities.

This led to my diagnosis of inattentive ADD in my late 40's. If I could just get by on a few acres being an "earth mother" hobby farmer or administrative assistant to an understanding boss (done it, best job I ever had), I would be the happiest woman in the world.

I'd like to accept myself more, but when myself can't get or keep a job, which means I'm stuck living at home when I want nothing more than to gain some independence, it is hard to think I'm so great.

Thank you all so much for the responses . I appreciate the insight. I can relate to pretty much all that has been said. My ideal situation is feeling happy and content with the person I am and accept my differences as I would any else's. I'm certain that if we accept ourselves, other people find it easier to accept us as well, I just need to live it rather than appreciating it as a concept.

I'm finding that it isn't always easy feeling different especially with it drummed into me, that I couldn't meet my mums needs. It left me jumping through hoops to fit in and please people, all the time. I know that was her issue, but I have always felt wrong and not to standard no matter how hard I try. I am kind of on a different plain socially and I get overwhelmed easily, and seem to get tired quickly. I find it hard to keep up a conversation, and I look on in awe how people can continue to talk and talk!

I have no diagnosis as such but I get anxiety, and easily stressed, and I get depression from exhaustion, hormonal changes, feeling disappointed with myself for not fitting in, especially when people point out that I am "too Quiet". I would say that I tick all the boxes of being hypersensitive and, sensory processing disorder. I tend to daydream a lot, unless I am busy, and need a lot of time to myself or I get drained.

I think that finding peace with the self is an ongoing process. I've been more peaceful at various times in my life.

One thing that helps me is to remember that when others reject me for being awkward or different, it really isn't a rejection of my self. It could be that they just don't understand me because of my social anxiety or awkwardness. And when someone is overly critical and un-accepting of me--or mean--it really reflects on who they are, not who I am, most of the time.